The letters are coming in daily, almost, it seems. I am so excited that he is actually writing home so much. I have to be honest, I didn't really think he would be able to write home this much. Today's letter was different though. Encouraging, yet different. I could sense the home sickness in this one. He did admit to having a hard time sleeping the past three nights. Admitted to having a lot on his mind. This is something I knew would happen. It must be so hard to be going through so much emotionally and physically, only to be so far away from the ones who have helped you get through some of the toughest times in your life. As a mom, I find it extremely hard not to be able to be there to put his mind at ease. I write and I try to stay encouraging. However, it is not quite the same as being able to put my arms around him and comfort him in person. The ironic thing is, I know exactly what he is going through on some level. I lay there sometimes and the thoughts just start running through my mind. This next few months are only the start of his journey. More then likely, there are going to be harder times a head. It is both naive and unrealistic to think otherwise. When they are little, we put baby gaits up, buckle them in seat belts, and go through hoops to keep them safe. When something does happen, we move heaven and earth to fix the wounds, heal the illness, or dry the tears. What happens when they grow up and decide to spend their life in an environment that it anything but safe? Then who takes care of them when we aren't there to do it? I know that he is in good hands. That puts some of my mind at easy. But it doesn't stop the occasional wave of worry and fear that sits in my heart and my stomach. Don't get me wrong. I am so proud of the young man he has become. I have as much faith in him as I do pride. He is going to be an awesome soldier. It is the circumstances in which we have no control over that worry me. The mind is a powerful thing. Yet even more powerful is what feeds the mind. Unfortunately, not all of what we see and experience are positive influences. I pray that Dustin learns that even through these negative experiences, it is the positive energy that sees us through. Encouragement of ourselves and others. Faith that there is a higher power to see us through. Gratitude for the things we have and love. And the love of life and those in our lives to share our experiences with. These are the factors that allow us to keep the negative influences from taking us over. I hope with all my body and soul he knows this. His heart is so big. I often wonder how one person could hold so much love in one body. A heart like that is meant to be shared with as many as possible. It is a blessing to those that experience it. But it can be a burden to those that possess it. The bigger the heart, the more pieces to pick up when it breaks. These are the reasons I remain so encouraging and positive to him. This is the reason he needs to keep as clear a head as possible. This has been his dream his whole life. I know my son better then he knows himself. To lose this, or disappoint anyone in the process, would crush him. To have anything happen to him, would crush me. I often wonder...can I be this strong? Can I do this? The answer is "Yes, I can". I have to. I am mom, and this is what mom does.
It would seem that he is finally getting mail from home. Shelby and I figured it takes approx. 5 days for him to get our things we send. Hopefully, this will help his spirits. It would seem that he is a much better writer then he gave himself credit for. Or maybe, he just found something to spark his passion. The handwriting stinks, and the spelling is less then perfect. However, he leaves us with such a good sense of what he is feeling and going through. He makes us laugh and makes us cry. Nevertheless, he is writing and we know he is with us in spirit though his letters.
Wherever your mind is tonight, Buddy, just know that God will keep you and me. Know that no matter what, you could never disappoint anyone. You have already made us all so proud. I know you can do this. Knowing you...you'll do it better then anyone. Mom loves you!!!!!
Much love and many blessings my friends!!!!!!!
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