That Was Quick...

So, as of tomorrow, Dustin will officially be in Basic.  He is so excited and so ready.  Those guys have been sitting there for a whole week.  Dustin said they are all ready.  Another bout with homesickness tonight, but it wasn't as bad as some of the others.  At least, I don't think so.  One thing is for sure...he is so proud of that uniform.  He wouldn't be posting the pictures he does if he wasn't.  That tells me that he is content.  Tonight's conversation came with some disappointing news.  It was something that we already anticipated.  However, to actually hear it was hard.  He said that his group was spoke to today and it is about 80 percent positive that they will be going overseas after training.  Whether deployed or just his next duty station, we don't really know yet.  I thought, wow, that was quick.  So, Christmas and Thanksgiving in this Crowl household will be happening in late September or early October (depending on when he graduates).  I have been having a hard enough time with having thousands of miles away in the same country, let alone, thousands of miles away across the ocean.  However, he wanted to see the world.  I guess the Army is going to make sure he gets to do that.  I joke with him that if he is stationed in Hawaii, I would visit often.  He jokes back that he wants to go to Alaska.  That's my kid.  Always looking for the next big hunt.  Well, he will have lots of target practice.  If we visit (and we will be visiting), I'll never get Paul back home.  lol!!  Now, if he is deployed, that is going to be harder.  We may not know where he is or for how long.  I am not ready for that.  I have to admit.  The uncertainty is the hardest part.  I know that it is all to keep them safe, but it doesn't make it any easier on us emotionally. 

Yesterday was a hard day.  I think it is because I knew that it would be that last day that we would be able to talk to him for a while.  I am not even sure if they will let him call for Father's Day.  It is going to be Paul's first Father's Day with Dustin gone.  I can't imagine how it feels.  Unfortunately, my turn is coming.  The plan is to spend the day with the two children we still have here and take it slow.  It is so hard.  I often say that God has a plan, and for one brief moment yesterday, I saw a portion of it.  I was made aware of another mother somewhere out there that was going to send her 18 year old son of the Army, as well.  The way I understand it, her son is going to the same place as Dustin.  All I kept thinking about was that young man at MEPS the day we sent Dustin off.  So, I reached out.  I hope that in some way they can be helped through this process.  Let's get one thing straight.  It isn't like sending your child off to college.  They can't bring their dirty laundry home on the weekends.  They are at the mercy of the U.S. Army.  The Army says jump...they say how high.  And the family members, friends, and others have to deal with it.  Honestly?  It sucks.  But it is the way it is.  To top it all off, there is no instruction manual or blueprint for how to deal with it.  Every soldiers situation is different.  I made the mistake of asking about Dustin's MOS and how the family deals with it on a message board.  The answers gave me goosebumps.  One lady even went as far as to tell me "I see you getting a lot of grey hair in the future."  Thank you so much for the insight.  Next time I get my Xanax filled, I will just pick up a bottle of Nice and Easy to go with it.  lol!  Really?  Instead of just a nervous wreck, I get to be a scary looking nervous wreck.  Nice!  As if I wasn't already scared out of my mind, I have something to look forward to.  There are certain things you just shouldn't say to Army moms/wives.  Paul and I are thinking of starting a list to post on the blog.  Just for the humor in it.  Laughter does seem to be the best medicine, right now.  Surely, if I am not laughing I am afraid I will bust into tears.

Anyway, it looks like I will have nothing but time on my hands.  I guess it is for the best. There are many things to keep me busy here.  I do find comfort in seeing him in that uniform.  It goes way beyond the first time you see them in a football uniform or grad cap and gown.  It's almost breathtaking.  I watch as so many of you follow him so closely and my family is so grateful.  You are all so encouraging and positive.  If there is one thing he needs, more then anything, it is that.  I know it is hard for some to understand how the simplest things can effect a soldiers mind.  I am very careful not to make comments about wishing he was here, or dwelling on how much I do miss him.  It only gives him more to worry about.  I simply state, "I miss you."  The rest is already known.  We discuss and laugh about many things.  I encourage, reassure him that all is good, and resist the urge to tell him I just want him here so that I can hold him in my arms.  The last thing he needs is to have all that on his mind.  It is hard enough for him to be away from everything he knows and to have so much to learn.  I, now, know the meaning of the phrase, "There is no greater love then that of a mother for her child."  I thought I did before all this, but I had no clue.  It has become a learning experience for me, as well.  I no longer think just like a mom.  I am the mom of a soldier.  Believe me, there is a difference.  Never understood before.  As mothers, we do things to protect our children.  But there are some things you can't protect them against.  Instead, you give them the mindset and tools to deal with those situations.  Especially if you know that distraction can lead to destruction.  His message today was a clear sign that, while this is God's plan, it is not a game.  He will be in situations and have to make decisions most of us will never understand.  The most important thing is that we are here for him when he needs us.  He doesn't need our baggage...he will have enough of his own to deal with.  Again we love and thank you.  Your love and support are everything to us.  When I get his address, you will get it also.  Much love and Many blessings!!