Rough Day...

So, it begins.  The long days and lonely feeling.  It's funny how you can have a house full of teenagers and dogs, and it can feel like the loneliest place on earth.  I can't help but look outside and think that a day like today is perfect for fishing.  Dustin's two passions in life...hunting and fishing.  I often joke that one day we are going to turn on Bass Masters (on ESPN), and there will be my son, in his glory, fighting to catch the biggest bass he can.  He loves fishing so much.  At this moment, however, he is probably only wishing he was out on that lake.  I do take comfort in knowing he is doing what he has always dreamed of and happy.  It goes a long way when you have raised your children to follow their heart.  The problem is, that I never imagined that Dustin's heart would be so big.  A gift like that is not meant to be contained.  It is meant to be shared with as many as possible.  As I sit here and write this I am flooded with memories of all the things he has said and done for others over the last 18 years.  It's funny, but when Dustin was a baby, I held him in my arms and knew he was going to make a difference.  I didn't know how, but I knew he would.  Is it strange that I think of my own son as my hero?  I hope not.  We should all be so lucky to watch our children grow into someone others look up to.  However, I do find myself asking why it has to be my son.  I know this sounds selfish, but I can't help the way I feel.  I am supportive, but the worry and the uncertainty are always in the back of my mind.  In the long run, I guess it has to be somebody's son.  I am still running into people who really don't understand what it is Dustin is going to be doing.  Even people with loved ones in the military, sometimes, don't quite get it.  I just try to be patient.  I pray that they never have to know what it feels like to know that your loved one is basically at the U.S. Army's beckon call.  There is a reason Dustin's job is to sit and wait by the phone.  Someone told me that the military has to give them 30 days of leave before they deploy.  Maybe for their loved one, but unfortunately, that is not how it works for mine.  (I wish).  We have been told that if they call, they could give him two weeks or they could have in on a plane to God only knows where in 4 hours.  More then likely we will not know where he is or for how long.  So, I view this time as training for all of us (not just Dustin).  The old saying "No news is good news" has really taken on a new meaning.  It is times like this I rely on my faith.  God has a plan for Dustin.  Unfortunately, from what we have been told, we will find out sooner, rather then later.  

Things here have been good.  Dylan has been spending a lot of time with his friends.  I think this is helping him.  I know it is helping me.  If he is busy, he isn't driving me crazy.  I love my youngest son to death, but he is such a free spirit.  It has been hard to keep him occupied without Dustin here to play buffer.  Shelby and I have found comfort in movies.  We are watching Laura Croft:  Tomb Raider, right now.  Love this movie and she has never seen it.  (And I ask myself, is it any surprise that Dustin chose to do what he did?  lol!)  Paul is keeping busy.  We are just waiting to here when we can close on our new house.  We were warned that Rural Development loans take a long time.  We just didn't know it would take this long.  In the meantime, we are still waiting to get Dustin's letter in the mail.  Dylan has made it his personal mission to check the mail everyday.  Funny, how a month ago, these three fought like cats and dogs.  Now, they would give anything to hear from Dustin.  I have seen a change in Dylan and Shelby's relationship, as well.  They are closer then they have ever been.  However, you can tell there is a piece of the puzzle missing.  It's like an ice cream Sunday without the cherry on top.  It is still an ice cream Sunday.  Yet, without that added special detail, it doesn't have quite the same effect.  We have all changed in some small way.  Good changes, I am sure.  Family, friends, and community have taken on new meanings.  There is a special connection we feel with all of you.  You read this blog, show us your support, and have expressed more love then I ever thought one community could.  You have become a part of our family.  Some of Dustin's friends have been just wonderful.  I know that there will come a time he will ask about them.  They are so important to him.  I once told Dustin that true friends show themselves when times become hard and uncertain.  It is not only the sign of a true friend, but the sign of a great person.  I know that it is hard for many of them to relate to what he is going through.  Here they are all preparing for college, and he is out there preparing to hunt down people who would like nothing more then to see our country go to ruins.  I know they are proud, as we are, of him.  They tell us.  I am truly grateful that he has grown up with these young adults.  I have often said that this generation is so underestimated.  I have seen Dustin and his friends do amazing things to help out others.  People can say what they want, but todays young people have so much heart.  I am proud of all of them.

My goal was to try and get as healthy as possible before he comes home.  Unfortunately, my body has had other plans.  So, that and getting moved have been my focus.  At least, for now.  There is many weeks ahead of days like today.  I am sure.  I sit here and in one moment I am smiling and proud as can be.  The next moment, I am in tears.  One day at a time.  People say it gets easier.  I don't think it does.  I think what gets easier is how we deal with the feelings.  Keeping busy helps, but the time comes you still have to sit still.  That is when the feelings catch up with you.  So, they never really disappear.  It isn't hurt, disappointmet, or loss you feel.  It is a feeling that can not be described.  It's so many emotions all at the same time.  Pride, love, sadness, motivation, etc., all together.  Well, as soon as I get an address, I will let you know.  In keeping with OPSEC, I will have to have those that want it to message me.  Not going to post it online, so will have to send it to you.  Gotta think safety first.  We love you all.  God Bless!!!  Much love and many blessings!!!