Silence!!!!

Funny, as moms, we tend to long for these moments.  The quiet ones when we can actually hear ourselves think.  I am guilty of it too.  I have had moments, I thought, all I need is two minutes of peace and quiet.  Just two minutes.  Then, when I would finally get them, I would only sit there and wish they would come more often.  Well, I am finding myself in a much different place these days.  It was only yesterday that we sent Dustin off.  He did, as some of you know, share a beautiful picture of the sunset in Texas from his plane.  When I spoke to him yesterday, I could hear the enthusiasm had built up even more.  How did he handle his first plane ride?  He absolutely fell in love with it.  His words,  "It was awesome mom.  It's sweet."  I just told him not to be getting any funny ideas about jumping out of planes or anything else.  However, for Dustin's specialty, it is a possibility.  It is so strange.  I would have to be the first to admit that what he will be doing is freakin' awesome.  Dangerous, but awesome.  I could just feel the excitement coming through in his text messages and over the phone.  I simply told him that I supported his decision and that I understood the passion
he was feeling right now.  When he asked me how.  I simply replied, "The way you feel about becoming a soldier, is the exact same feeling I had about becoming a nurse.  The difference is you are a lot younger, healthier, and chose something a lot more dangerous.  But, Dustin, the passion is the same."  He didn't say another word.  He knew at that moment that mom really did understand. 

When it became known that Dustin was joining the military, so many people had different opinions.  I remember someone saying to me how proud I must be.  Then when they found out what he was going to be for a living (keep in mind, it was the watered down version), they asked me why I'd let him pick that.  As if I had a say in what he chose.  He was 18 and able to make his own decisions.  He didn't need my permission, and it wasn't like he didn't have safer choices.  It's hard for those who have never been in this situation or had any connection to military life to understand.  Paul and I find we have to explain things a lot and people still really don't understand.  You see, the Army really doesn't care what mommy, daddy, girlfriends/spouses, grandparents think.  Your country comes before it all.  The Army has there own set of values. they teach these men/women.  So, you either jump on the wagon and conform to their way of thinking, or you set yourself up for a lot of heartache and disappointment.  This goes for all involved.  For those that need more insight, you can go to http://www.goarmy.com/soldier-life.html where there are more details about basic training, Army values, etc..  I have found comfort in learning as much as possible.  I have read other Army mom's blogs and heard stories about how they didn't hear anything for the first 2-3 weeks from their soldiers after making it to basic.  then when they did, some things were scripted, they could only send certain things, or huge amounts of time had past before they heard anything else.  I have heard stories from parents of deployed soldiers who do what Dustin will be doing.  None of it is easy, but it helps me understand I am not alone. 

I knew that this morning was going to be hard.  Getting up, coming into the living room, and Dustin not sleeping on the couch (which is where he always chose to sleep) was hard.  The stillness in the house with no one here made it worse.  I have pulled myself together and am better now.  However, there will be more of these moments I am sure.  The key for Paul and I is keeping busy.  Paul and I take comfort in the little things.  This weekend we will be packing up some of Dustin's things to get ready to be moved into the new house (if we ever get that far. lol!).  It's going to be hard, but it is something we want to do together.  We hold onto the idea that for at lest 16 weeks he is safe and in God's hands.  He is just starting and when he comes home, we want him to be able to relax and keep a clear, focused mind.  He will most definitely need it.  So, we want everything as perfect as possible.  Dylan and Shelby have found their own ways of comfort, besides mom and dad.  Dylan took over sleeping on the couch, and Shelby took over her older brothers comforter.  They are very proud, and going to the swearing in helped them so much.  They understand the danger and the importance of Dustin's job.  They understand that there are going to be blocks of time we don't know where he is, won't hear anything from him, and that this goes way beyond BCT and AIT.  They have accepted it the best they can, given the circumstances.  It is better to keep them informed, then to keep them in the dark.  Dylan made it known last night that Dustin had explained certain things to him before he left.  I think Dylan knew more then we did, at first.  He just didn't say anything.  But it explains the quiet spells and feelings he was experiencing the days prior to Dustin leaving.  I would be lying if I said that all of this didn't take a bit of a toll on my own health.  I am dealing with it.  My goal is to try and get this body of mine and Paul's as healthy as possible before he comes home.  For someone with my health issues, it is easier said then done.  However, I am determined to do the best I can.  That way he does not worry about us.  He does and will.  I promise as soon as I hear something, I will let you all know.  In the meantime, pray, support, and love for him and each other is the best thing we can do.  Much love and many blessings to all of you from this Army mom.  Thank you so much for everything.  I could not get through this without you all.  You are a wonderful community, and our family are just as proud of you as you are of Dustin.