A Heart So Big...

The letters are coming in daily, almost, it seems.  I am so excited that he is actually writing home so much.  I have to be honest, I didn't really think he would be able to write home this much.  Today's letter was different though.  Encouraging, yet different.  I could sense the home sickness in this one.  He did admit to having a hard time sleeping the past three nights.  Admitted to having a lot on his mind.  This is something I knew would happen.  It must be so hard to be going through so much emotionally and physically, only to be so far away from the ones who have helped you get through some of the toughest times in your life.  As a mom, I find it extremely hard not to be able to be there to put his mind at ease.  I write and I try to stay encouraging.  However, it is not quite the same as being able to put my arms around him and comfort him in person.  The ironic thing is, I know exactly what he is going through on some level.  I lay there sometimes and the thoughts just start running through my mind.  This next few months are only the start of his journey.  More then likely, there are going to be harder times a head.  It is both naive and unrealistic to think otherwise.  When they are little, we put baby gaits up, buckle them in seat belts, and go through hoops to keep them safe.  When something does happen, we move heaven and earth to fix the wounds, heal the illness, or dry the tears.  What happens when they grow up and decide to spend their life in an environment that it anything but safe?  Then who takes care of them when we aren't there to do it?  I know that he is in good hands.  That puts some of my mind at easy.  But it doesn't stop the occasional wave of worry and fear that sits in my heart and my stomach.  Don't get me wrong.  I am so proud of the young man he has become.  I have as much faith in him as I do pride.   He is going to be an awesome soldier.  It is the circumstances in which we have no control over that worry me.  The mind is a powerful thing.  Yet even more powerful is what feeds the mind.  Unfortunately, not all of what we see and experience are positive influences.  I pray that Dustin learns that even through these negative experiences, it is the positive energy that sees us through.  Encouragement of ourselves and others.  Faith that there is a higher power to see us through.  Gratitude for the things we have and love.  And the love of life and those in our lives to share our experiences with.  These are the factors that allow us to keep the negative influences from taking us over.  I hope with all my body and soul he knows this.  His heart is so big.  I often wonder how one person could hold so much love in one body.  A heart like that is meant to be shared with as many as possible.  It is a blessing to those that experience it.  But it can be a burden to those that possess it.  The bigger the heart, the more pieces to pick up when it breaks.  These are the reasons I remain so encouraging and positive to him.  This is the reason he needs to keep as clear a head as possible.  This has been his dream his whole life.  I know my son better then he knows himself.  To lose this, or disappoint anyone in the process, would crush him.  To have anything happen to him, would crush me.  I often wonder...can I be this strong?  Can I do this?  The answer is "Yes, I can".  I have to.  I am mom, and this is what mom does.

It would seem that he is finally getting mail from home.  Shelby and I figured it takes approx. 5 days for him to get our things we send.  Hopefully, this will help his spirits.  It would seem that he is a much better writer then he gave himself credit for.  Or maybe, he just found something to spark his passion.  The handwriting stinks, and the spelling is less then perfect.  However, he leaves us with such a good sense of what he is feeling and going through.  He makes us laugh and makes us cry.  Nevertheless, he is writing and we know he is with us in spirit though his letters.

Wherever your mind is tonight, Buddy, just know that God will keep you and me.  Know that no matter what, you could never disappoint anyone.  You have already made us all so proud.  I know you can do this.  Knowing you...you'll do it better then anyone.  Mom loves you!!!!! 

Much love and many blessings my friends!!!!!!!    

        

One Simple Phrase

These past few years, I never realized how much my children really paid attention.  Not only to what I was going through, but how I was going through it.  For those that don't know, I have Addison's Disease and a deforming form of Rheumatoid and Psoriatic Arthritis.  My three children went from having a young, energetic mother to having a tired, often sore, and (in some ways disabled) mom.  This has all happened within a very short period of time (about 5 years).  Yet, through it all, I have tried to keep positive and use my issues to show them that what you go through in life isn't important.  It's how you go through it.  Well, yesterday it was made very clear that Dustin was listening.  We got two letters.  In one, he had said that it was a hard day.  His words, "We got smoked today."  The next phrase is what brought tears to my eyes.  It was, "That which does not break us, only makes us stronger, right mom?"  It was his way of saying, mom if you can do it, I can.  Not only was he listening, but he was learning from it.  He took all those moments, and used it to get him through one of his toughest.  I could never imagine what he is going through.  On the flip side, he could never know what I go through.  But somehow, his ability and my disability found away of coming together thousands miles away.  As parents, we question the things we teach our children.  Did we prepare them for life well enough?  What kind of adults will they become?  Are they ready?  In one simple phrase, that question was answered for me.  The funny thing is, that has the letters keep coming, I realize that he is happy.  He absolutely loves the Army.  Leave it to my kid to think Boot Camp is cool.  Ha!  As I suspected, he had not received any of our letters yet.  I am reassured that it is the process of getting them to him that is the hold up.  I am okay with that.  He keeps writing and so do I.  He is going to have so much reading to do when everything gets to him, it isn't funny.  So his reading skills will get a workout as well.  Ha!

Both his letters were very positive.  He proceeded to fill me in on the current spider population in Oklahoma.  Ha!  Illustrations and all.  Ha!  He is excited to celebrate his first Fourth of July on a military base, even in Boot Camp.  I have always told stories of when I was a kid and how the celebrations on Army bases were just different.  I am glad he is getting to experience some of the things he has only heard stories about.  He also informed me that his first experience with the gas chamber was coming up this week.  I cringed, but know it is a must.  We can tell ourselves what we want, but it doesn't change the fact that it is Boot Camp, not Summer Camp.  They are all there for a reason.  It isn't suppose to be easy.  Somehow, in every letter, he gets more positive.  I am sure some of it is because he doesn't want me to worry.  Yet, I can't help but see a change happening.  Don't get me wrong...it is a good change.  My husband and I have talked about it.  He is changing from a child to a man.  Not just any man, but a soldier.  Bittersweet, but we knew it would happen.  The little boy that only dreamed about being G.I. Joe is slowly becoming him.  I am so proud.  I am prouder, yet, that he is with such a positive and wonderful group of young people.  Some of you have checked out Bravo Battery's Facebook page and Bravo Battery Boosters Facebook page.  I have started to get to know some of the family members to the wonder people Dustin is with.  They are a very supportive group.  If you get a chance you can check them out.  I ask that you keep them all in your prayers.  What a wonderful example of support and love they are.  Again, I thank you for your continued support.  Not just to my family, but to others just like it.  It means more then you could ever know.  Everyday, someone asks us about Dustin.  It only shows how much this town cares.  We love and are proud of all of you.  Much love and many blessings from this proud Army mom!!!        

Gotta Love the U.S. Postal System...

Well, we got another letter, today, from Dustin.  I am so impressed with the U.S. Postal System, right now.  He mailed the letter on the 21st, and we got it today.  Or maybe it is that I am just happy to be getting things from him.  lol!  Dylan was so funny.  He went out to check the mail and wouldn't let me have it when he came in.  He proceeded to sit in Paul's chair, put his feet up, and open the letter.  lol!!!  He was so excited.  However, Shelby was a little upset.  she has been gone the last two times we have gotten letters.  She misses her brother so much.  Hopefully, in two weeks (if he is allowed to call), she will be home to talk to him.  Dustin's letter was very positive.  To be honest with you, I did not expect to receive another one for a while.  So, it made my day.  He loves the Army.  He likes his Drill Sergeant's, as well.  You could sense a little bit of home sickness, but that is to be expected.  He did say he was in Group A, out of A, B, and C for his physical training.  I am not sure what that means, but he said it was good.  He also asked if we could send him some personal hygiene products.  Apparently, he asked if they could have Axe, and the Drill Sergeant's were okay with it.  I guess he got a Bible from the Chaplain and said he had been reading it every night.  I am so proud of that.  It is proof that if you raise your kids with God, at some point, they will look to Him for strength and guidance.  I have noticed that his writing is getting better.  Not that it matters to me, because as long as he is writing, I really don't care.  lol!!!!  I could never describe the feeling that it gives me to know how well he is adjusting.  I am sure it is harder then he tells us.  However, Dustin being who he is, does not want me to worry more then I would.  The crazy thing is that as he gets further into this, the better I feel about it. 

Through all this I have been able to read posts by other loved one's on the Facebook page and see photos of the other soldiers (none of Dustin yet).  It makes me feel better knowing I am not the only one going through all this.  I have also found healing in encouraging some of them.  Maybe this is God's plan for me...I don't know.  All I know is that it is a lot easier to help others through it, then to sit here and let my mind wonder.  Or maybe it is the nurse in me...who knows.  lol!!  I have found other things to fill my time.  I am working on some new recipes and posts for my other blog, among other things.  All I know is that I could never get through this without all of you.  Your support means so much to Paul and I.  More then that, it means the world to Dustin.  He is so happy when I tell him about all the kind wishes and support.  He is going to flip when he sees all the page views this blog has gotten.  When I started this, it was just away for us to keep family, friends, and the rest of the town up to date.  It has sort of turned into a whole new meaning.  Not just for me, but others.  I am still working on a few things for it.  But so far, I am very happy with how it is coming along.  I want tot be able to add photos of other soldiers.  So, if you would like to have their picture on the "In Honor" page.  Please send me a picture.  I am not sure if it will let you post them yourself, but you are welcome to try.  I ask that you add name, rank, branch, and who they belong to.  It would be a great addition to this site, just in time for the 4th of July.  I want this blog to be for everyone, not just me.  Much love and many blessings!!!!      

Three Weeks...

As of Monday, Dustin will have been gone for three weeks.  It has been a long three weeks, let me tell you.  However, we are managing to get through.  I did find out today that it will be, at least, another two weeks before he is able to call home.  He is in what is known as the Red Phase of BCT.  This is one of three and the White phase (which is next) is when they earn a phone call home.  Remember, I said "Earn".  I have stated before that the Army has purpose for everything.  If there is one thing I remember from being an Army Brat, it is that.  So, if the team doesn't perform as expected, or if he doesn't perform as expected...no call.  I am okay with that.  (I am actually sitting here thinking that I could learn a thing or two from the Drill Sergeant's).  An occasional letter, is enough for me.  I know he is doing something that is important to him.  I also realized (especially after his first letter) that he is thinking about doing this for a long time.  So, I better get used to it now.  I have been able to view his Battalion's Facebook page and read some of the things posted by other parents.  Some of these young men and women haven't even finished High School yet.  I guess they are doing BCT over the summer, going back to finish Senior Year, and then off to the next step.  I thank goodness I am not one of those parents.  I give them a lot of credit.  Don't know if I would hold up so well.  It is nice to read others stories, though.  Found out I am not the only parent who ran out and sent paper, envelopes, etc..  Not that I would have let it stop me, of course.  lol!  Just nice to know that others are thinking the same way I am.

Dylan and Shelby have been doing better.  Of course, there are times they miss him a lot.  But they have been spending time with their friends and some of Dustin's friends as well.  I think somehow it makes them feel closer to him.  Dylan actually took a nap in their room today.  This is the first time, since Dustin left, that he has done this.  So, we are making progress.  Paul has kept busy and been helping me out.  I have had some minor set backs with my Addison's recently and am trying to take care of it.  Not so easy for a body that doesn't really work well to begin with.  However, I sit and think of what Dustin must be going through on a daily basis.  The training, the weather, and adjusting to a whole new lifestyle.  Then, I look at the rest of my beautiful family.  It gives me the motivation I need.  If he can do it, I can.  Besides, the last thing I want him to find out while he is gone, is that I am in the hospital.  Not good...and not going to happen.

I ask that you keep all of these young men and women (families included) in your prayers.  To be so young, and sacrifice so much is courageous.  I have stated before that today's young people are underestimated.  Most grown adults do not face the decisions and sacrifice these young people will.  I think , if anything, we could learn a few things from today's young people.  Much love and many blessings!!!             
   

Short But...Oh So Sweet!!!!

As many of you know, yesterday was not a good day.  Top that off with the fact that we started packing up some of his stuff for the move...it was a horrible day.  Who knew that one room could hold so much sentiment.  I laughed, cried, and cussed (if you have seen the boys room, you would understand.  lol!).  Today, however, I came back from my doctors appointment and there were two letters waiting for me.  One was from Dustin and the other was from his Commander.  I tell you, it made my day.  He really, really likes the Army.  Boot camp sucks (it is suppose to), but he really likes it.  Talked about making a lifelong career out of it.  I have spoken about my wish for my children to find what they love.  I think Dustin has done just that.  Knowing this helps me so much.  That is all I want for each of my children.  Yes, on my mission to be the best darn Army Mom on the planet, I have already been to the post office.  lol!  I sent him some paper, self-addressed envelopes (he took stamps with him), and a couple of cards.  Not only will it make writing easier for him, but it gave me something I could do to help.  I have been going out of my mind trying to think of things I could do or send to make it easier for him.  He apologized for the paper he was using, stating he hadn't had a chance to get to the PX yet.  So, there was my first mission.  Silly boy, just the fact that he wrote is enough.  It is funny how we get cranky about doing everyday things like laundry, being taxi, and other mom and dad stuff.  You don't realize how much you want to do those things until they aren't here to do them for anymore.  I view everything as a blessing, now.  Not just for Dustin, but Shelby and Dylan, as well.  Someday, they will be off on their own and won't need us to do those things anymore.  It really does become a part of who we are as parents.  I have learned to cherish and learn from everything.  Even the bad moments.

I do have Dustin's address.  A dear friend of his also has it, but we ask that you ask his family for it, please.  His grandparents and other family haven't even gotten it yet.  Once the family has it, I will gladly send it to whoever messages me with the request.  You can leave me a message here, or message me on Facebook.  Sorry to be so private, but it is something we all have to get used to.  Better start now.  Not just that, but according to the Commander's letter (although they encourage letters from home), there is a certain way to address his mail to ensure he gets it.  Keep in mind that he is very busy, and the mailing system while in Boot Camp can be unreliable.  You might mail him something on the 25th and it might take him 2 weeks to get it.  He does ask that, at least until AIT, we keep it to letters and cards.  Once he is in AIT, care packages might mean less sit-ups and push-ups.  lol!!!!  Believe me, I have heard and read stories.  Once again, Dustin and our family are truly grateful for all your support.  I am sure that, once the mail starts rolling in, Fort Sill and the U.S. Army are going to be well acquainted with Beaverton, Mi..  Not only that, but they will realize that we are the most supportive town ever.  We love our country.  We love our town.  We especially love our soldiers.  But more then any of that, we take care of our own.  I am so proud of where we come from.  You are all so special to us.  Much love and many blessings!  Oh yeah...and HOOAH!!!!!               

Rough Day...

So, it begins.  The long days and lonely feeling.  It's funny how you can have a house full of teenagers and dogs, and it can feel like the loneliest place on earth.  I can't help but look outside and think that a day like today is perfect for fishing.  Dustin's two passions in life...hunting and fishing.  I often joke that one day we are going to turn on Bass Masters (on ESPN), and there will be my son, in his glory, fighting to catch the biggest bass he can.  He loves fishing so much.  At this moment, however, he is probably only wishing he was out on that lake.  I do take comfort in knowing he is doing what he has always dreamed of and happy.  It goes a long way when you have raised your children to follow their heart.  The problem is, that I never imagined that Dustin's heart would be so big.  A gift like that is not meant to be contained.  It is meant to be shared with as many as possible.  As I sit here and write this I am flooded with memories of all the things he has said and done for others over the last 18 years.  It's funny, but when Dustin was a baby, I held him in my arms and knew he was going to make a difference.  I didn't know how, but I knew he would.  Is it strange that I think of my own son as my hero?  I hope not.  We should all be so lucky to watch our children grow into someone others look up to.  However, I do find myself asking why it has to be my son.  I know this sounds selfish, but I can't help the way I feel.  I am supportive, but the worry and the uncertainty are always in the back of my mind.  In the long run, I guess it has to be somebody's son.  I am still running into people who really don't understand what it is Dustin is going to be doing.  Even people with loved ones in the military, sometimes, don't quite get it.  I just try to be patient.  I pray that they never have to know what it feels like to know that your loved one is basically at the U.S. Army's beckon call.  There is a reason Dustin's job is to sit and wait by the phone.  Someone told me that the military has to give them 30 days of leave before they deploy.  Maybe for their loved one, but unfortunately, that is not how it works for mine.  (I wish).  We have been told that if they call, they could give him two weeks or they could have in on a plane to God only knows where in 4 hours.  More then likely we will not know where he is or for how long.  So, I view this time as training for all of us (not just Dustin).  The old saying "No news is good news" has really taken on a new meaning.  It is times like this I rely on my faith.  God has a plan for Dustin.  Unfortunately, from what we have been told, we will find out sooner, rather then later.  

Things here have been good.  Dylan has been spending a lot of time with his friends.  I think this is helping him.  I know it is helping me.  If he is busy, he isn't driving me crazy.  I love my youngest son to death, but he is such a free spirit.  It has been hard to keep him occupied without Dustin here to play buffer.  Shelby and I have found comfort in movies.  We are watching Laura Croft:  Tomb Raider, right now.  Love this movie and she has never seen it.  (And I ask myself, is it any surprise that Dustin chose to do what he did?  lol!)  Paul is keeping busy.  We are just waiting to here when we can close on our new house.  We were warned that Rural Development loans take a long time.  We just didn't know it would take this long.  In the meantime, we are still waiting to get Dustin's letter in the mail.  Dylan has made it his personal mission to check the mail everyday.  Funny, how a month ago, these three fought like cats and dogs.  Now, they would give anything to hear from Dustin.  I have seen a change in Dylan and Shelby's relationship, as well.  They are closer then they have ever been.  However, you can tell there is a piece of the puzzle missing.  It's like an ice cream Sunday without the cherry on top.  It is still an ice cream Sunday.  Yet, without that added special detail, it doesn't have quite the same effect.  We have all changed in some small way.  Good changes, I am sure.  Family, friends, and community have taken on new meanings.  There is a special connection we feel with all of you.  You read this blog, show us your support, and have expressed more love then I ever thought one community could.  You have become a part of our family.  Some of Dustin's friends have been just wonderful.  I know that there will come a time he will ask about them.  They are so important to him.  I once told Dustin that true friends show themselves when times become hard and uncertain.  It is not only the sign of a true friend, but the sign of a great person.  I know that it is hard for many of them to relate to what he is going through.  Here they are all preparing for college, and he is out there preparing to hunt down people who would like nothing more then to see our country go to ruins.  I know they are proud, as we are, of him.  They tell us.  I am truly grateful that he has grown up with these young adults.  I have often said that this generation is so underestimated.  I have seen Dustin and his friends do amazing things to help out others.  People can say what they want, but todays young people have so much heart.  I am proud of all of them.

My goal was to try and get as healthy as possible before he comes home.  Unfortunately, my body has had other plans.  So, that and getting moved have been my focus.  At least, for now.  There is many weeks ahead of days like today.  I am sure.  I sit here and in one moment I am smiling and proud as can be.  The next moment, I am in tears.  One day at a time.  People say it gets easier.  I don't think it does.  I think what gets easier is how we deal with the feelings.  Keeping busy helps, but the time comes you still have to sit still.  That is when the feelings catch up with you.  So, they never really disappear.  It isn't hurt, disappointmet, or loss you feel.  It is a feeling that can not be described.  It's so many emotions all at the same time.  Pride, love, sadness, motivation, etc., all together.  Well, as soon as I get an address, I will let you know.  In keeping with OPSEC, I will have to have those that want it to message me.  Not going to post it online, so will have to send it to you.  Gotta think safety first.  We love you all.  God Bless!!!  Much love and many blessings!!!        

Ring!!!!

Funny how the phone ringing around 8 p.m. stimulates so much excitement around here.  The first phone call was at 8 p.m..  It was my mother in-law.  Then it rang again about 8:30 p.m..  Low and behold, it was Dustin.  To be honest we didn't expect to hear anything before tomorrow if at all for the next couple of weeks.  Talk about excitement.  The whole house was a buzz of smiles and questions.  Shelby was next door at my mother-in-laws and ran home.  I think that was the fastest I have ever seen her move.  Especially where one of her brothers is concerned.  lol!!  He did say that he only had a couple of minutes to talk and just called to let us know he was okay.  He also said that he would be mailing a letter with his address on it within the next day or so.  It is exactly what I expected.  He sounded so happy.  I asked him if he liked it.  He said that he liked it "a lot".  He sounded better then anytime we had spoken to him before.  He got to say "Hi" and "I love you" to all four of us.  Just this simple little conversation meant so much to all of us.  He truly does sound like he is in a good place mentally.  As parents, it made Paul and I feel so good about his decision.  Dustin has never been able to hide things from us very well.  We could always tell from his tone and the words he used how he was feeling.  To be honest, I could tell he had no regrets.  Truly, all I have ever asked of the kids is that they are happy doing what they choose.  The tone in his voice and the way he spoke only led us to believe that he is where he needs to be.  We talk about being proud of him for making the choice to serve his country.  We are also very proud of the fact that he chose to follow his heart and pursue his dreams.  Not everyone gets that opportunity.  Add that to his need to make a difference and help others, and we are two parents who feel like we have more then we deserve.  Don't get me wrong.  The worry and concern are great.  We know that it is dangerous.  We also worry about the affects the decisions he will have to make and the things he will see will have on him.  Physically and mentally it will be hard on him and us.  However, like with everything else, we will be there for him.  I have always taught my children that sometimes the things worth having in life, don't come easy.  Oh but when you get there...the journey and what you gained in wisdom are so worth it.  It is the greatest feeling in the world.  It is how I felt about becoming a nurse.  It is how he feels about becoming a soldier.  Two completely different ambitions, but the passion is the same.  This mom gets it.  Even with the tears, worry, and everything else involved...I get it.  I have often said that one of the greatest things I have ever done in my life is decided to marry Paul and have my children.  They are the best family any mother/wife could ask for.  My greatest blessings.  The other great thing in my life I have accomplished is to become a nurse.  I absolutely and completely am satisfied and love what I do.  I love that it not only makes a difference in my life, but also in someone else's.  My hope for Dustin, Shelby, and Dylan is that someday they will feel the same.  Dustin is starting to realize his purpose in life, even if it is hard and comes with much sacrifice.  More then that, he is starting to learn that purpose, with passion behind it, is a very powerful thing.  It is that passion, along with his faith in God, that will see him through the coming weeks.  It is that passion that will get him through long after BCT and AIT.  As soon as I get his address I will pass it on.  I know that it seems like it is taking so long, but remember everything happens on the U.S. Army's time clock.  I have prepared both the kids not to expect to hear anything for a while.  I am sure they will keep him busy.  time will pass quicker for him then it does us, I am sure.  He sounded so good and that is enough for our family.  At least, for now.  Much love and many blessings!!!                             

Still Waiting...

So, Dustin has been at BCT since Thursday.  The last time we spoke to him in anyway was Wednesday night.  As I stated before...no news is good news.  At least, that is what I keep telling myself.  Like any mom, I worry.  I worry about the heat.  Is he handling it okay?  Is he homesick and how is that effecting him?  There are times I sit here and wonder what he is doing, right now.  Somehow, I find comfort in the fact that he was so excited to just get started.  I had no idea that the processing would take as long as it did.  Dustin had said that there were over 200 of them waiting to be processed in the beginning.  Even with all the ones that went home, it still had to take some time.  It's funny.  The nurse in me is always reminding him to drink lots of water and wash his hands.  He laughs at me.  Then, he tells me that with all the shots he has gotten, there is no way he will be getting sick anytime soon.  One thing Dustin has never been afraid of is needles.  He is a regular blood donor and has been dealing with them for some time now.  I did some research.  It seems that even once we are able to start writing him, the letters may not get to him right away or out of sequence.  So, I have been very careful to date the ones I have already written.  All that matters is that he gets them, in my opinion.  I know they will help him get through this.  Shelby and I were sitting here the other night talking about how hard and intense Basic has to be.  It cracks us up when we here people say "Have fun."  Inside we think, it's Boot camp...it isn't suppose to be fun.  However, somehow, we know that Dustin will see certain parts of it as fun.  It is just how his mind works.

I look around and it is like he hasn't really left.  His car is still in the yard.  Clothes still on the floor.  We are still trying to make out all the thank you cards from his Open House.  There just wasn't enough time for him to get them all done.  There were so many to thank.  We figured it out and between the Open House and everything else we probably have at least 250, if not closer to 300.  With my arthritis, it has taken longer then I had hoped.  I was hoping to be able to include his address in them.  But since we are still waiting for that, it isn't possible.  Then there is the packing and moving into the new house.  A part of me feels so awful that he won't be here to enjoy it with us.  Somehow, I feel as if I am leaving him out.  I know that it sounds crazy, because we aren't.  It is just how I feel.  My one saving grace in all of this is my family.  I have the most wonderful kids and husband.  Along with my parents, they are getting me through this better then even I expected.  Dylan's humor and Shelby's smile are always enough to brighten me up.  I worry about them so much.  Shelby is going into her Senior year of high school and I know that she is upset that Dustin won't be able to be here for those important moments.  Both the boys always helped her pick out her clothes and formal dresses.  She made the comment yesterday that if Dustin was going to be able to be home, that she would wait until the very last minute to go buy her Homecoming dress.  All she cares about is that he is here to share that moment with her.  We looked at the school calendar for next year and did some figuring.  The way Homecoming falls next year, it looks like he might miss it by one week.  We were hoping it would be the first full weekend in October (as it has been the last couple of years).  I guess some things we can't control.  But we keep praying it will work out.  Then there is Prom, Senior pictures, graduation, and her Open House.  All events she wanted to share with him, but now we aren't even sure if he will be able to be here for any of them.  Then there is Dylan, who has had more quiet moments then I think he ever has (if you know him, that is saying a lot).  He has finally started getting out of the house.  However, he has expressed his hope that Dustin can catch at least one football game.  Considering the news we got this week, we don't even know if he will be in the country, let alone able to make any of these events.  My heart breaks for them.  There really is no way to make it better.  "I'm sorry" doesn't even seem to touch it.  They know we have no control over the situation.  They are very proud of Dustin, and love him even more for what he is doing.  But it doesn't take away the emptiness they feel.  This is the one drawback to raising such a close knit family.  However, one good point is that we are able to get each other through. 

Tomorrow is Father's Day.  It is the first one that Dustin will spend away from home.  I know it will be hard for Paul.  I am sure it won't be easy on Dustin, either.  The three of us have planned a spectacular dinner for Paul.  Smothered Chicken and all the fixings.  We are hoping to take him down to Hallmark to pick out cards and stationary for Dustin.  I know it isn't going to be easy for him, but the three of us will be there.  I am sure he will be one of the proudest dads on the planet tomorrow.  However, it won't be the same.  The one glimmer of hope is that we have been told that, sometimes, the Drill Sargent's will let them call home on Father's Day.  My fingers are crossed.  That would be the best Father's Day gift Paul could receive.  Our family would like to wish all the Father's out there the Happiest Father's Day.  We pray that whatever you are doing, you are save and blessed.  We appreciate all of you so much.  You are all so wonderful.  Much love and many blessings.                        

That Was Quick...

So, as of tomorrow, Dustin will officially be in Basic.  He is so excited and so ready.  Those guys have been sitting there for a whole week.  Dustin said they are all ready.  Another bout with homesickness tonight, but it wasn't as bad as some of the others.  At least, I don't think so.  One thing is for sure...he is so proud of that uniform.  He wouldn't be posting the pictures he does if he wasn't.  That tells me that he is content.  Tonight's conversation came with some disappointing news.  It was something that we already anticipated.  However, to actually hear it was hard.  He said that his group was spoke to today and it is about 80 percent positive that they will be going overseas after training.  Whether deployed or just his next duty station, we don't really know yet.  I thought, wow, that was quick.  So, Christmas and Thanksgiving in this Crowl household will be happening in late September or early October (depending on when he graduates).  I have been having a hard enough time with having thousands of miles away in the same country, let alone, thousands of miles away across the ocean.  However, he wanted to see the world.  I guess the Army is going to make sure he gets to do that.  I joke with him that if he is stationed in Hawaii, I would visit often.  He jokes back that he wants to go to Alaska.  That's my kid.  Always looking for the next big hunt.  Well, he will have lots of target practice.  If we visit (and we will be visiting), I'll never get Paul back home.  lol!!  Now, if he is deployed, that is going to be harder.  We may not know where he is or for how long.  I am not ready for that.  I have to admit.  The uncertainty is the hardest part.  I know that it is all to keep them safe, but it doesn't make it any easier on us emotionally. 

Yesterday was a hard day.  I think it is because I knew that it would be that last day that we would be able to talk to him for a while.  I am not even sure if they will let him call for Father's Day.  It is going to be Paul's first Father's Day with Dustin gone.  I can't imagine how it feels.  Unfortunately, my turn is coming.  The plan is to spend the day with the two children we still have here and take it slow.  It is so hard.  I often say that God has a plan, and for one brief moment yesterday, I saw a portion of it.  I was made aware of another mother somewhere out there that was going to send her 18 year old son of the Army, as well.  The way I understand it, her son is going to the same place as Dustin.  All I kept thinking about was that young man at MEPS the day we sent Dustin off.  So, I reached out.  I hope that in some way they can be helped through this process.  Let's get one thing straight.  It isn't like sending your child off to college.  They can't bring their dirty laundry home on the weekends.  They are at the mercy of the U.S. Army.  The Army says jump...they say how high.  And the family members, friends, and others have to deal with it.  Honestly?  It sucks.  But it is the way it is.  To top it all off, there is no instruction manual or blueprint for how to deal with it.  Every soldiers situation is different.  I made the mistake of asking about Dustin's MOS and how the family deals with it on a message board.  The answers gave me goosebumps.  One lady even went as far as to tell me "I see you getting a lot of grey hair in the future."  Thank you so much for the insight.  Next time I get my Xanax filled, I will just pick up a bottle of Nice and Easy to go with it.  lol!  Really?  Instead of just a nervous wreck, I get to be a scary looking nervous wreck.  Nice!  As if I wasn't already scared out of my mind, I have something to look forward to.  There are certain things you just shouldn't say to Army moms/wives.  Paul and I are thinking of starting a list to post on the blog.  Just for the humor in it.  Laughter does seem to be the best medicine, right now.  Surely, if I am not laughing I am afraid I will bust into tears.

Anyway, it looks like I will have nothing but time on my hands.  I guess it is for the best. There are many things to keep me busy here.  I do find comfort in seeing him in that uniform.  It goes way beyond the first time you see them in a football uniform or grad cap and gown.  It's almost breathtaking.  I watch as so many of you follow him so closely and my family is so grateful.  You are all so encouraging and positive.  If there is one thing he needs, more then anything, it is that.  I know it is hard for some to understand how the simplest things can effect a soldiers mind.  I am very careful not to make comments about wishing he was here, or dwelling on how much I do miss him.  It only gives him more to worry about.  I simply state, "I miss you."  The rest is already known.  We discuss and laugh about many things.  I encourage, reassure him that all is good, and resist the urge to tell him I just want him here so that I can hold him in my arms.  The last thing he needs is to have all that on his mind.  It is hard enough for him to be away from everything he knows and to have so much to learn.  I, now, know the meaning of the phrase, "There is no greater love then that of a mother for her child."  I thought I did before all this, but I had no clue.  It has become a learning experience for me, as well.  I no longer think just like a mom.  I am the mom of a soldier.  Believe me, there is a difference.  Never understood before.  As mothers, we do things to protect our children.  But there are some things you can't protect them against.  Instead, you give them the mindset and tools to deal with those situations.  Especially if you know that distraction can lead to destruction.  His message today was a clear sign that, while this is God's plan, it is not a game.  He will be in situations and have to make decisions most of us will never understand.  The most important thing is that we are here for him when he needs us.  He doesn't need our baggage...he will have enough of his own to deal with.  Again we love and thank you.  Your love and support are everything to us.  When I get his address, you will get it also.  Much love and Many blessings!!               

Another Picture!!!

Well, he is completed with processing.  Sent this picture to me today.  I asked him how the uniform felt.  His answer was, "Comfy".  That tells me that he is happy with his decision.  I know he is feeling homesick, right now.  He told me many have quit and one has gone AWOL, already.  It has to be mentally exhausting to see all that.  It has to have some emotional effect on a person.  Dustin is stronger then this.  I know in my heart he can do this.  As a mother, I worry so much.  I was starting to think that maybe I was the over protective mother my kids always accused me of being.  However, after reading and listening to people's stories, I know what I am feeling is normal.  Isn't it funny how you put everything into raising your children, and when they hit 18, you still are putting just as much into it as you did when they were little.  Paul and I may not have been the best parents in the world, but we have always taught our children the importance of giving back.  Dustin was listening all that time.  Dylan finally stayed the night at a friends house for the first time last night since Dustin left.  We were starting to get really worried.  He has been so clingy and quiet.  Hopefully, this is a sign that things are starting to get to a new normal here.  Shelby did what she always does...turns into everyone's little mother.  She is going to be such a great mom some day.  She doesn't even see the potential in herself.  Paul keeps busy, as do I.  I have been working on some things for the blog and working on getting our house in order for moving.  The hardest moments are the quiet ones when my mind takes over my thoughts.  Funny how the mind can have so much power over you.  I continue to pray for Dustin and his friends.  They all need it.  I have put myself out there and asked Dustin that if there is anyone who needs some encouragement to let me know.  That I would write and send cards to them too.  Everyone should have someone.  Especially when they are going through this process.  He will officially be starting Basic tomorrow.  This is going to be the hardest part for all of us.  At least until his first deployment.  Which brings a whole new world of uncertainty.  Thank you again for all your support and love.  Thank you, also, for letting Dustin and I share this experience with you.  I know that is why he sends pictures when he can.  I know it helps us get through it.  I think it does him too.  He wants us to see and experience the things he does.  He also wants to show us the world, right along with him.  It is a special gift.  I will post more later.  Just wanted to share his new photo with you all.          

A long Way From Home

Well, tonight was harder then I thought it would be.  It is funny...woke up to silence this morning and thought I would go out of my mind.  Now, the thoughts running through my head are just as annoying.  I could tell that time away was getting to him.  He can try to say it isn't, but I know him better then anyone.  I know him better then he knows himself.  Dustin did say he went to church today.  The word he used was "amazing".  At the present moment, the one thing I am most proud of is that I taught him how to have faith in God.  Right now, it is the most familiar thing to him.  He did exactly what I taught him.  Look to God.  We joke around and try to hide just how dangerous what he is going to be doing is.  But deep down, we both know.  Oh, he is ready and excited about it.  Just missing everyone.  I have told him to keep a clear head and stay focused.  The last thing he needs is to be distracted by silly things or thoughts, right now.  In some ways, I think the disconnect will be good for him, until the letters from home start to come.  Hard to admit to myself, trust me.  I have always explained the importance of checking in and keeping in touch.  But with no outside influences, it gives him less to think about.  I did ask him about care packages.  He asked that if anyone sends him anything, to please, keep it to cards and letters.  Care packages have a way of drawing attention to individuals.  Even if you share with everyone, they come back to haunt all of the guys.  I am good with that.  Doing the things he asks is the one thing I can do to help make it better for him.  He is along way from home and needs that.  So, cards and letters it is.  I am going to go out of my mind for the next nine weeks.  To be honest, from everything I am hearing...AIT might not be much better.  Has to do with his specialty.  Remember there is reason and purpose behind everything the military does.  At least, he will be busy.  This processing phase hard on him.  Dustin never could sit still.  He is used to being busy and moving.  So, once he is, it will be easier for him.  I am the first to admit that I have no idea what is going through his head.  He is so ready for this.  He may not remember this (and would probably be mad for me bringing it up)...but when he was in 8th grade, he got in trouble for a paper he wrote for school.  In the paper, he had to write about what you wanted to be when he grew up.  Let's just say, it wasn't something any parent wanted to hear come from their child.  He got in so much trouble.  Little did I know how close to true it would be.  I have accepted it.  Partially because I have to.  Mostly because I love and support him, no matter what.  I know why he is doing it.  I also remind myself that he had choices and this is what he chose.  But him and I are learning that sometimes fighting for what you believe in comes at great cost and sacrifice. 

So, that is it.  Don't know when I will hear from him again.  Could be 9 weeks, could be less.  He won't have his address till the end of this week.  Shelby and I are going to Hallmark  to buy postcards that we can pre-address and stamp for him.  That way, he can save time and drop them in the mail when he gets a chance.  He is more likely going to write if the hard stuff is taken care of.  To be honest, I don't care if he writes "I am Fine" and leaves it at that.  Just enough to let me know he is okay.  lol!  We moms are funny that way.  I did tell him about how many page views the blog has gotten.  I told him I had plans on trying to make it a place that would do good things.  He was very happy about that.  I will be trying to add some new pages, useful information, and a page to honor those in uniform (past, present, and future).  It is the least I can do.  Probably doesn't matter to some (or anybody for that matter).  But it does to him and I.  In the end, it is all that matters.  Many live lives without a second thought.  They never think about the impact they could have or the legacy they could leave.  There is so much negativity in the world today.  God has a plan for Dustin, for our family, and for everyone.  We just have to be willing to hand ourselves over to Him.  The one thing I know for certain, is that if something does happen, I will not let my son be just a statistic.  He will be known and why he is doing it will be remembered.  That is the true meaning behind my every post.  Too many are forgotten.  Much love and many blessings!!!!                  

And Life Moves On...

Another call tonight.  This time we all sat and spoke with him over the speaker phone.  It was so nice to have a family conversation.  Gotta love those speaker phones!  lol!  It did everyone so much good to hear his voice.  It cheered up around here instantly.  He called while cleaning his locker for inspection.  If I had known that all I had to do was bring an Army Drill Sargent in to get a room clean, I would have tried that long ago.  Ha!  He had a happier tone this evening (much happier).  He is just wanting to get to the actual basic training part.  Which starts Monday.  As I suspected, there will be no phone calls or text messages probably for a while after that day.  He told us that he did get pretty sunburned, but had hat, now, and it was helping.  Next week is suppose to get to over 100 degrees.  I can't say that doesn't concern me a bit, because as a nurse and a mother, it does.  However, he didn't sound worried.  He did say that many have already gone home.  Said the drill sergeants could still be pretty hard on them, even during processing.  He figured that and the heat were why they left, but that it didn't bother him.  At least, not yet.  Sent his love and a Hooah! (Army slang, will explain later).  You can tell he misses everyone, but that he is completely content in his decision. So, it looks like I will be finding things to keep me busy.  Not a problem with all the things we have going on right now.  Packing, work, kids, blogs, and many things to keep me going.  I have been working on some new page ideas for this blog.  If you check in regularly you will probably notice them.  It is going to be trial and error, so be patient with me.  I am trying to make this blog as useful as possible to others with loved ones in the military.  Let's face it...there is no blue print or instruction guide to this whole experience.  But I have found that there is comfort, humor, encouragement, and support in knowledge.  Just trying to find out how to organize all of that knowledge to benefit all of us.  It will take time, I am sure.  Lucky for me, time is something I have way too much of these days.  lol!  We will be attending Open Houses Saturday and Sunday.  There are many, but we are ready to get out of this house and do some much needed socializing.  Paul and I are still working on Thank You cards.  There were so many.  Hoping to have those out by the end of the week.  I might have Dustin's address by Thursday or Friday.  When I get it, I will pass it on.  Much love and many blessings.           

He Called!!!!

Well, as most of you know, I got to speak to Dustin last night on the phone.  It was so nice to hear his voice.  It wasn't a long conversation, but enough to let me know he was doing okay.  He sounded good, but I could hear the home sickness in his voice.  He almost immediately asked about his brother and sister.  When I told him that they had taken over his clothes and bedding his reply was, "That's fine.  It's okay."  That was almost a dead give away.  He would have had a cow if he saw Dylan in his clothes and he was home.  So far, it is exactly what he expected.  It's hot there.  When you add a uniform, it's even hotter.  Still no address until next week.  I know once he is able to start getting letters and cards from home, it will help.  Many of his friends are having Open Houses this weekend, along with couple of cousins.  He was pretty upset about missing them.  We promised him that we would try to make as many as possible, on his behalf.  So that leaves us with a pretty busy schedule this weekend.  He is only "in Processing" (like an orientation period) at this time.  It is important for everyone to know that, while we are hearing from him now, there may be a time we go days (or even weeks) before we hear from him again.  We just don't know what to expect once his training officially starts.  I have ready countless stories by other Military parents.  The only thing they all have in common is that they are all different.  It definitely keeps you on your toes.  We have already learned to expect the unexpected.

Paul and I watch as he tries to share as much of his experiences with all of us as he can.  I am sure that it not only helps all of us, but him as well.  He wants us all to experience what it is like for a young soldier the first time away from everything he knows.  I also think it is his way of letting us all see the world right along with him.  I have to admit.  Seeing the picture of him in his uniform was hard.  Not even three weeks ago he was wearing a graduation cap and gown.  However, I can not express to you the amount of pride my husband and I felt.  It's still hard to grasp at times.  This is definitely an emotional roller coater ride.  I am more appreciative then ever to military families before me.  I always said that I could never imagine what they are going through.  Here I am going through it myself.  We all have our different coping mechanisms.  Paul's is keeping busy.  I keep busy, write, and pray.  I am sure I am not the only mom who does this.  I hang on to every text, phone call, or picture I can.  Not knowing, for sure, when I will hear anything next.  It is going to be a very long 16 weeks.  Dustin's group (can't remember what they referred to it as) has to go straight through BCT and AIT.  He is doing both at Fort Sill.  The good thing is he gets to stay in one place for a while, with the same men.  The bad thing is that it is a longer period of time till we get to see him.  Remember...God and country first.  A very hard concept to accept when you have always taught your children family first and to keep in touch so that we would know where you were.  So much for that idea.  lol!  That is why your support means so much.  We have always taught the kids the meaning of family and community.  Now they are actually seeing why it is so important.  We are proud of where we come from.  This little community has the biggest heart.  You have all embraced us and Dustin with so much more then could be explained.  To other military families out there, Words could never express how much appreciation I have for you and your service member.  You all probably sit there and read my entries and probably think "been there, done that" or that I am a crazy narcissistic mother.  I truly am not trying to down play anyone else's situation, and if that is how it comes across...I am truly sorry.  My intentions for this blog are to try to bring awareness to what we as family member's and our service member's go through during this process.  I want to somehow try and encourage people to be more understanding and appreciative for it all.  Maybe help a soldier or his family to find support, when they have none or don't know where to turn.  It is important that we all stick together.  I encourage you (if you would like) to leave your stories or comments about your own experiences.  No pressure, you don't have to.  It might help me, or someone else.  I am thinking of adding a page to this blog where families can post pictures of their soldiers.  It was inspired by a friend who posted her picture of her son as her profile picture on Facebook.  It may take me a little bit to get it up, but I want people to know who they are.  It is also my families way of saying thank you for giving so much.  I will let you know when it is ready.  Much love and many blessings.                                

Precious Words!!!

Well, it would seem that all the crap Paul and I caught a couple of years ago for letting our children have unlimited text messaging is turning out to be our last laugh.  Last night Dustin sent a text to let us know that he gets his phone at 7pm (1900 Army time) and is able to text until 8 (2000).  At least for now.  I can not tell you how excited I was to hear something from him.  I had forgotten that he was in a different time zone.  So when it is 7pm here it is 6pm there.  He simply stated that he was ok and would have an address next Thursday or Friday.  I often joke that texting is my main form of contact with my kids.  I never knew it would hold so much truth as it does right now.  It wasn't much, but it was enough to put this Army mom and dads hearts at ease.  Now, we don't know how long that it will last, but it works for now.  I sit here and wonder how many other moms and dads are going through what Paul and I are right now.  How many are sitting there waiting for a message, phone call, or letter.  Dustin has never been one to handwrite out much of anything.  I was very sure that we wouldn't get much in the lines of letters from him.  So, I thought I would be sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring.  Texting is a blessing right now.  Our phones will be attached to our hips.  However, there are some rules that I feel I need to explain. 

Like with everything else, the Army has rules about the type of information and how much we should use.  There is a purpose for everything in the Military.  The purpose here is to keep our Soldiers and us safe.  The rules may seem silly to some, but to a soldier and his family it is like a life preserver.  Paul and I ask that you continue to post on your support and items for Dustin.  However, we ask that you try to follow these rules the best you can.  If we all start now, by the time he is out and in his duty station, we will be used to it.  I copied and pasted the address for a very helpful flyer: http://www.armymedicine.army.mil/sfrc/OPSECTrifold.pdf.  It is simple and explains everything so we civilians can understand it.  The name they give it is OPSEC (Operations Security).  Let's face it, if there weren't bad people in this world, Dustin wouldn't be doing what he is.  They will stop at nothing to gain the info. they seek, even trying to get it from families and friends.  I thank you so much.  This is not just important for Dustin's safety, it is important for all of our safety.  Bet you never thought you'd have to think about this stuff, uh?  Ya, me either!  But it is a new world we live in.  If you have any questions, I will try to answer them the best I can or direct you to a place we can find it.  As I stated before, I am learning as I go, as well.  So, be patient with me. 

Today was a much better day.  Except for dealing with the car insurance company, and trying to get the car insurance straightened around.  (That is a whole other story.  Let's just say that we are starting to feel the stress of trying to explain things that we don't even have answers for.)  Paul and I got some much needed sleep.  We have been just drained emotional, physically, and mentally by all of this.  Shelby and Dylan have been helping out to get this house back into shape.  In true Crowl fashion, we have pulled together and are dealing with all this new information in a very constructive way.  I am still joking that I don't understand why he couldn't have just wanted to be a cook.  It's hard enough to send him off to the Army, as it is.  Knowing he is doing what he is going to be doing, has made it harder.  But we are dealing with it.  Dustin's true BCT date isn't until Monday.  This is like an orientation phase for him.  However, mom is going to start her boot camp training today.  Diet and exercise.  Rest, time with family, and relaxation when needed.  Trying to keep my health issues under control.  And somewhere in all that, moving when we get the word.  It is the best way I know how to spend this time.  It is also the best thing for him.  Dustin and I share a love of hard rock and heavy metal music.  Funny how something so harsh can bring so much comfort as well.  Heard the song "Trenches" today by Pop Evil and couldn't help but about Dustin.  It is like that song was wrote for his situation.  Crazy stuff, I tell ya.  Much love and many blessings.   

 



         

Silence!!!!

Funny, as moms, we tend to long for these moments.  The quiet ones when we can actually hear ourselves think.  I am guilty of it too.  I have had moments, I thought, all I need is two minutes of peace and quiet.  Just two minutes.  Then, when I would finally get them, I would only sit there and wish they would come more often.  Well, I am finding myself in a much different place these days.  It was only yesterday that we sent Dustin off.  He did, as some of you know, share a beautiful picture of the sunset in Texas from his plane.  When I spoke to him yesterday, I could hear the enthusiasm had built up even more.  How did he handle his first plane ride?  He absolutely fell in love with it.  His words,  "It was awesome mom.  It's sweet."  I just told him not to be getting any funny ideas about jumping out of planes or anything else.  However, for Dustin's specialty, it is a possibility.  It is so strange.  I would have to be the first to admit that what he will be doing is freakin' awesome.  Dangerous, but awesome.  I could just feel the excitement coming through in his text messages and over the phone.  I simply told him that I supported his decision and that I understood the passion
he was feeling right now.  When he asked me how.  I simply replied, "The way you feel about becoming a soldier, is the exact same feeling I had about becoming a nurse.  The difference is you are a lot younger, healthier, and chose something a lot more dangerous.  But, Dustin, the passion is the same."  He didn't say another word.  He knew at that moment that mom really did understand. 

When it became known that Dustin was joining the military, so many people had different opinions.  I remember someone saying to me how proud I must be.  Then when they found out what he was going to be for a living (keep in mind, it was the watered down version), they asked me why I'd let him pick that.  As if I had a say in what he chose.  He was 18 and able to make his own decisions.  He didn't need my permission, and it wasn't like he didn't have safer choices.  It's hard for those who have never been in this situation or had any connection to military life to understand.  Paul and I find we have to explain things a lot and people still really don't understand.  You see, the Army really doesn't care what mommy, daddy, girlfriends/spouses, grandparents think.  Your country comes before it all.  The Army has there own set of values. they teach these men/women.  So, you either jump on the wagon and conform to their way of thinking, or you set yourself up for a lot of heartache and disappointment.  This goes for all involved.  For those that need more insight, you can go to http://www.goarmy.com/soldier-life.html where there are more details about basic training, Army values, etc..  I have found comfort in learning as much as possible.  I have read other Army mom's blogs and heard stories about how they didn't hear anything for the first 2-3 weeks from their soldiers after making it to basic.  then when they did, some things were scripted, they could only send certain things, or huge amounts of time had past before they heard anything else.  I have heard stories from parents of deployed soldiers who do what Dustin will be doing.  None of it is easy, but it helps me understand I am not alone. 

I knew that this morning was going to be hard.  Getting up, coming into the living room, and Dustin not sleeping on the couch (which is where he always chose to sleep) was hard.  The stillness in the house with no one here made it worse.  I have pulled myself together and am better now.  However, there will be more of these moments I am sure.  The key for Paul and I is keeping busy.  Paul and I take comfort in the little things.  This weekend we will be packing up some of Dustin's things to get ready to be moved into the new house (if we ever get that far. lol!).  It's going to be hard, but it is something we want to do together.  We hold onto the idea that for at lest 16 weeks he is safe and in God's hands.  He is just starting and when he comes home, we want him to be able to relax and keep a clear, focused mind.  He will most definitely need it.  So, we want everything as perfect as possible.  Dylan and Shelby have found their own ways of comfort, besides mom and dad.  Dylan took over sleeping on the couch, and Shelby took over her older brothers comforter.  They are very proud, and going to the swearing in helped them so much.  They understand the danger and the importance of Dustin's job.  They understand that there are going to be blocks of time we don't know where he is, won't hear anything from him, and that this goes way beyond BCT and AIT.  They have accepted it the best they can, given the circumstances.  It is better to keep them informed, then to keep them in the dark.  Dylan made it known last night that Dustin had explained certain things to him before he left.  I think Dylan knew more then we did, at first.  He just didn't say anything.  But it explains the quiet spells and feelings he was experiencing the days prior to Dustin leaving.  I would be lying if I said that all of this didn't take a bit of a toll on my own health.  I am dealing with it.  My goal is to try and get this body of mine and Paul's as healthy as possible before he comes home.  For someone with my health issues, it is easier said then done.  However, I am determined to do the best I can.  That way he does not worry about us.  He does and will.  I promise as soon as I hear something, I will let you all know.  In the meantime, pray, support, and love for him and each other is the best thing we can do.  Much love and many blessings to all of you from this Army mom.  Thank you so much for everything.  I could not get through this without you all.  You are a wonderful community, and our family are just as proud of you as you are of Dustin.               

A Very Special Day!!

In The Army Now!!!

Today was a day filled with so much emotions, that I am not even sure where to begin.  Let's start with the feeling of privileged and honor.  Not just for Paul and I, but for my dad.  It was a very special moment for him to watch his grandson stand in the very same position that he was in at the same age.  I watched as Dustin took his oath and could see the pride and sheer emotion in my dad's eyes.  It was so precious.  I was so happy that he could share this moment with Dustin.  Who better knows what is going through Dustin's head at this time?  As a mother, I have experienced pride, love, worry, and every other emotion you could think of.  But that feeling is something Dustin and my dad can only experience between the two of them.  Then, just when I think I could not be prouder, my dad saluted my son and shook the hands of many of the young men who where sitting there.  Very touching moment.  I saw the look in Dustin's eyes as he watched his grandfather shake those hands.  It was a look of adoration, pride, and sheer love.  It was awesome!  I have seen very few things bring tears to my daddy's (and yes, all three of us girls still call him daddy) eyes over the years, but these tears where different.  These where special.

I experienced the feeling of remorse.  There were probably over forty people sworn into different branches of the military today.  All had family there or someone to support them.  All...except for one.  He was all by himself.  Not much older then Dustin and when the Red Cross had them fill out their emergency contact cards, the kid simple looked at the gentleman and stated, "I don't need one.  There is no one to call."  How awful!!!  Dustin and I were talking about it later on, and I told him how it made me feel.  I simply said, "Everyone should have someone, especially a soldier.  Even if it is just someone to let know when something goes wrong.  A friend, and aunt, a pastor, someone."  He agreed.  I still can't get that young man out of my mind.  Here Dustin is with all these people who love and support him, and then there is this one young man with nobody.  I truly pray that God holds this boy in his hands and watches over him.

As the time went I could see Dustin getting antsy to leave.  He was tired and worn, but ready.  The one thing that we have learned is that everything happens on Uncle Sam's time clock.  We didn't even know he was flying out of Grand Rapids until they boarded the bus.  I finally (along with other mothers) broke into tears.  We could tell that between grandpa, mom, and everyone else tearing up, it was starting to get to him.  We were not able to go to the airport, and feel that it was probably for the best...for everyone.  I called his Aunt who lives in Grand Rapids to meet him before he boarded the plane.  She and my nephews where able to say good luck and see ya later.  I am sure it meant a lot to Dustin to have that.  Plus, I am sure it calmed his nerves considering the boy has never been on a plane in his life.  As Paul, I, and the two kids were making our way out of Lansing, my text alert was going off.  When I looked down, it was Dustin.  It said "Love you mom".  My heart just about busted.  For about an hour we badgered each other back and forth by text.  I left him a couple of his favorite songs to pump him up on Facebook and watched as many of you wished him good luck and Paul and I your prayers and encouragement.  I knew, however, that the last text would come as he arrived at the airport.  So I hung on to every precious reply hoping that it would stretch out as long as possible.  Then there it was..."G2 go mom I love ya so much."  Told him I loved him to the moon and back and that he would be awesome.  No reply.  That was it.  The tears started coming again.  It is funny how much a few small phrases can mean so much.  I am okay although my body is suffering from all the emotions and physical wear.  I just need rest, some extra meds, and time.  After all, I wasn't in the best of health when this all started.  Paul and I have spent so much time and energy worrying about the kids, Dustin, grandparents, and everybody else that we haven't even had time to really absorb everything for ourselves.  Something we need to do, and do together. 

No amount of words can express how proud of my son I am right now and how much I miss him already.  However, for some reason my mind keeps going back to that young man today with no one to shed tears for him.  When I started this blog it was to keep all you updated on Dustin, maybe help another Army mom get through it, and to journal this chapter in our lives.  For some reason, I feel that it serves a greater purpose now.  My son is not the only young person out there to give of themselves for us and our country.  Sure there are young people who make that choice because it is a way out.  A way out of the situation they are in, or maybe they feel it is the only option they have because school was not easy for them.  Dustin had many choices and a dream.  In the end, he chose to chase his dream.  (By the way, college would have been my first choice.  ha!)  But does it matter?  Does it matter what age, sex, race, or situation the soldier comes from?  Does it matter if they do laundry, cook, or become a Forward Observer (what Dustin chose).  Which by the way I am still having a hard time with.  (I should have never Googled it).  It shouldn't matter.  So I ask that you not only pray for all these young men and women and their families, but extend a caring hand.  I'm not talking about cooking, giving money, or anything like that.  A hug, a hand shake, or just a thank you.  Those mean more than anything you could ever imagine.  This is my goal for myself.  I know that I get so tied up in motherhood, work, and everything else that I forget.  I strife to be better about it.  I owe it to my son and to all the other military parents and service members out there.

So Dustin will fly into Dallas (called while I was writing this and is there), catch a plain to Oklahoma City, and be bused into Fort Sill sometime tonight.  It will probably be very late if we hear from him again tonight at all.  That's okay.  I am a night owl, as most of you know and will wait.  When I do go to bed...that's right, the phones are going with me.  I feel like a teenage girl waiting on a boy to call me again. You should all know that he was in a great place when he left and when I spoke to him on the phone.  He was excited, ready, and absolutely loved the plane ride.  Great, next thing he will tell me is he'll be jumping out of them.  Oh wait...it was an option.  (We won't think of that now.)  I know that he would want you all to know that.  He doesn't want anyone to worry about him.  The worry I have is a "mom's" worry.  But every time I talk to him and hear the excitement and certainty in in voice, I feel better.  It is crazy, but ever since we learned more details of what he would be doing, so many things came together for us.  We truly believe that he is doing what the Lord meant for him to do.  It's hard but it is what it is.  Thank you so much again.  Will try to keep you all posted as much as possible.  We wish you all love and many blessings.  Oh and...Go Army ;)                

Yup! It Is Really Happening!!!

There is so much running through my head right now, that I am still trying to process a lot of the information that Paul and I heard today.  Let's just start with the basics.  Dustin is sworn into active duty tomorrow in Lansing at 10 a.m.  From there, he will head to the airport (we think in Lansing, could be Grand Rapids) and fly out around 12:30.  The way I understand it (and I could be wrong) is that the first time he was sworn into the Army it was as a Reservist due to his still being in High School.  So, this time will be for full-time active duty.  When he gets to Fort Sill, OK., he will go through some processing and should (hopefully) be able to call home with an address and Battalion number.  His estimated date of graduation is Sept. 30, 2013.  When he finds out what Battalion and such, we will have a more definite date.  Also each Battalion has its own Facebook page.  So, we will be able to keep up some with that.  Due to Dustin's status, he will go right through BTC (Basic Combat Training) and straight to AIT (Advanced Individual Training).  No break in between.  After that, there are a few scenarios.  We will discuss that when the time comes.  Or at least when I have some more solid information.  As for phone calls, that is going to be up to the Drill Sargent.  They all do it differently.  He may be able to call home once a week or less.  Then again...there has been stories of some of the soldiers getting their phones back at 7p.m. every night and being able to call home more.  Another, Army "unsure" thing.  There are a lot.  Especially for a soldier in Dustin's position.  That is about all I can tell you at this point.

He was able to call me from the hotel tonight.  I had to break the bad news to him about his brother.  For those that don't know, Dustin's younger brother (Dylan) not only had to say goodbye to his older brother today, but he had some of his stuff stolen at school.  Dylan has good moments and bad ones.  To be expected.  These two boys are very close.  Probably a very good thing Dustin is in Lansing, right now, because he was not a happy soldier...at all.  Then, there is Shelby.  Sweet girl is so supportive and positive.  She is so proud of her older brother.  Funny that these two were just yelling their heads off at each other a week ago.  Shelby and I had a little time together earlier this evening.  We were talking about how great the community has been.  It means (and helps) so much.  I worry so much about the two of them and how they are handling this.  So does Dustin.  It helps him to know that others are looking out for us.

As for Paul and I, there were some very hard pills to swallow today.  As hard as they were, they were answers.  The answers where not what every mother and father want to hear about what their 18 year old son will be doing for a living.  (And again I ask, "Why couldn't he had just chose to be a cook?  Not who he is, I know.")  But it was more then we knew when we left the house this morning.  It was also a confirmation that "Yup!  This is really happening!  Something we really needed right now.  It's scary, but it does make it easier to handle.  Double-edged sword, is what it is.  No matter which way you slice it, it cuts deep.  The funny thing is, Dustin seems so excited.  He really is ready for this.  After today, no doubt that he does not regret his decision.  The most important thing for him right now is keeping a clear head.  I have said this before, and will again...the most important things we can all do for Dustin is take care of each other, send love and support, and pray.  We need to let him do the job he needs to.  Trust me, he is in good hands and will be well trained.  For at least the next 16 weeks he is safe.  That means so much more then you will ever know to this Army mom and dad.  So the current goal for us (other then getting our family, friends, community, and Dustin through this) is getting into our new house and staying as healthy as possible.  That way he has no worries and a place to relax (and he is going to need it) when he gets home.  There are no words to describe the feelings we have running through us tonight.  I think of all the other Army moms and dads out there and my heart goes out to them.  I pray that their son and daughters are safe wherever they are.  I am learning that it is a day by day process.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed.  I am also learning that sometimes, no news is good news.  Someone recently told me, "I love my country, but I love my son more."  If I could reply to that right now, I would say, "The love for a country and the love for a son can not be compared.  It is the sacrifice my son is willing to take, for the country I love, that is the difference."  I always knew Dusty would make a difference in his own way.  He has always had such a big heart and done the right thing.  Did I want him to do it in this manner?  Not necessarily.  However, it is how he decided to do it.  I support him all the way.  Again thank you all so much.  We send our love and prayers.  There is no way to express our gratitude.  I will try to update you all tomorrow night.  Much love and many blessings!!!!      

Is This Really Happening?

Well, one more full day and Dustin is on his way.  It is hard to believe that the time has gone by so fast.  I keep telling myself that I wish I had just one more week. The reality is that one more week, one more month, or one more year, it wouldn't make it any easier.  I have been thrown a few curve balls by all of this.  Nothing has quite gone the way I thought it would.  I had mentioned in a previous post that I have been sick.  The medication that I am on make me more anxious and emotional then I would normally be (or maybe not, I don't know).  A few moments today, I had to dismiss myself to the restroom.  I am bound and determined to make this as positive an experience as possible for him.  The more positive we are, the easier he seems to be about it.  Paul and I commented tonight that you can see the transition already taking place in many of his behaviors.  He is a young man now, no question.  We have tried to prepare Dylan and Shelby for the changes they will see in him when he comes home.  Not so sure we can even prepare ourselves, but we are trying.  He comes up and gives me a hug saying, "I love you, momma" and all I think is I never want to let go.  Then in the next minute, I think...does he want me to let go?  But that is selfish, I know.  He is doing what he is destined to do.  For Dusty, he is living out a dream to become a soldier.   

I worry about Dylan and Shelby, as well.  They have been quiet and sort of withdrawn from the subject.  But I guess that is normal.  What do you say when your oldest brother (who you used to argue with non-stop) goes to serve his country?  It's got to be so hard.  I think we just all think...is this really happening?  I won't make this post long.  I just wanted to ask all of you to keep Dustin in your prayers for safe travels and a great experience.  Tomorrow will be a much needed family day.  Hopefully filled with laughter and happiness (outside of mom's occasional coughing spell from all the laughs).  Then, I need to get some rest before Monday.  Am hoping to have an address and more info. for you by Monday night.  Thank you again for everything.  Your support, love, and kindness mean more to us then anything.  Much love and many blessings.  God Bless you all!