Another night, another long night. The truth is this is one of the hardest nights that I have had in a while. It isn't like they haven't been bad before. But, for some reason, tonight is different. Maybe it is the stress of being sick, the new house (that just seems to be on obstacle after another), Dustin being gone and keeping so many things from him, Bella getting worse, and on and on. I often wonder, how much does it take a person before they snap in half. I just keep telling myself that God must think I have broad shoulders. The truth is, I think He has more confidence in me, right now, then I have in myself. We are less then three weeks away from him graduating from BCT and a part of me is so excited. Another part is so worried. It is one step closer to being done with the "training" portion. But it is also one step away from being out in the "real world". I look at the pictures and videos of them training and in some aspect...sure, it's cool. However, it is a constant reminder of whats to come and the reason he is there. I have thought many times, about a year from now, two years from now, etc.. Instead of calling Sunday, Dustin called Saturday night. He said he was calling from sick bay, and my heart nearly fell to my feet. If it wouldn't have been that it was his voice phone on the other end, I probably would have lost it. It was a bit overwhelming at first. He, apparently, got his retina cut from a metal pole. Due to all the pink eye going around, they stuck him in sick bay. He has been there a couple of days, and should be out by Monday. I could tell it was hard for him. All that down time, for a boy who doesn't sit still well, can be a downfall. they are not allowed to get mail, write, or any of that in sick bay. Which made me feel a little better about not getting much mail. This past week has been very hard. I thought that not getting a call Sunday would be okay. Actually, it was harder then I thought. What kept me going was being able to cheer on fellow Army Mom's as they were getting calls. I adore all of them, and it did my heart good to see how happy it made them all. the one good thing in all this...Blue Phase. the final of three. It means longer phone calls and graduation is around the corner.
Dustin is not the only one who has had time to think. I, myself, have done some soul searching. I am still trying to figure out how to get this Adopt A Soldier program going. I am thinking that it is best to start out trying to get volunteers to write letters. I picked up some more boxes from the post office this week. I would like to send 7 more by the middle of next week. But need to find a way to afford all the contents and postage. So, if any have ideas, I am open to them. It also dawned on me that Dustin has no idea about any of this, along with many other things. I am still finding out that, even with him being in the Army, he is still young. I worry about some of the choices he has made for himself and hope that he will come around. While I am not always thrilled with the choices he makes, I still support him. Heck! the boy is 18...what else do you do? More then that, he is my son. He is such a good kid, with a big heart. An easy target for some. Sure the uniform is cool, but it isn't just an uniform. It's a lifestyle. I sit and look at all of the pictures of his friends on Facebook, enjoying their summer. I wish he had been able to have more time for all that. They are all going to mud bogs, parties, and vacations. He is learning how to launch grenades, deal with chemical warfare, and shot an M-16. There are still many who don't get it. It is not their fault. They have limited experience with Military life. It makes it very hard. There are very few people to lean on. The people you think will be there for you aren't. The ones you never thought in a million years would be, are. This goes for the soldiers and the families.
One thing that has gotten me through, time and time again, is my faith in God. He has taught me so much through this process. He has taught me that the smallest blessings can be your greatest. He has taught me that, no matter how far, friends will come into your life to help see you through. I have learned that there are people who actually want to make a difference in this world. Even if it is one soldier at a time. He has taught me that family is more then blood. Family are your friends, the town in which you live, even complete strangers a thousand miles away. Finally, he has taught me that He has it all under control. It is me who has to be willing to give it to Him. To be honest, I don't know if Dustin will ever read any of this. I don't even know if my husband and my other two kids read any of it, let alone anyone else. Don't know if they would be proud of it, or embarrassed by it. All I know is that I am compelled to let others know they are not alone. Helping soldiers and their families, has become very important to me. It is what helps me feel better, when times get rough, and feel closer to Dustin. It is something I hope my family and friends can be proud of. Although they are young, I hope that the three kids and husband can understand it and see the difference I can make in others lives. I hope they see how blessed I am by it all. Sometimes, we get so caught up in praising them for all the good things, we forget that we need praise, ourselves. We moms are funny creatures. We are so good at building everyone else up. Yet, so bad at giving ourselves credit. We are good at hiding our fears, making everything look so easy (even when it isn't), and keeping everything running smoothly. When in reality, we cry behind closed doors, constantly pray for guidance, and our minds are a jumbled mess. Much love and many blessings!!!
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