Finding Comfort...

Well, no letter, again today.  I'd like to say that I am okay with it.  However, it leaves a sort of emptiness deep inside.  You want to tell yourself that it is okay.  You tell yourself, "They are working hard.  Probably don't have time to write."  There is this part of you, however, that is uneasy about it.  You hope that those are the reasons.  Then your mind starts to wonder other things.  Is he doing okay?  How bad is he missing home?  Is he healthy and able to tolerate the heat?  You see, it is the not knowing that leaves the emptiness.  It's not like you can look at them to try and read what is going on in their minds or physically.  Sure, this is the Army.  I have stated before that it isn't like summer camp.  But the truth of the matter is...they are still our children.  We worry.  And when they aren't with us.  We worry even more.  The differentiating factor, in this whole situation, is that they chose to be soldiers.  A proud, honest, courageous profession.  But it comes with its own set of rules, guidelines, and dangers.  Even the "kids" that have to finish high school won't come back "kids" anymore.  I have done much soul searching in the past few weeks.  I have decided that I have got to find some way of coping with this all.  Let's face it.  It doesn't end after he graduates from AIT.  So, I did what I always do.  Took it to God.  I decided it was time for mom to practice what she preached.  I have always found comfort in my faith.  Between all the changes at home, my health, and just plain sorrow...I could not bring myself to ask the tough questions.  How would God want me to handle this?  How can I do what he is asking of me when I can't even function from day to day?  How can I bring my son (and family) the kind of honor he (and his fellow soldiers) deserve?  Let's face it "keeping busy", isn't enough. The answer is starting to show itself.  I sat down last night and opened  a list of names.  These names are those of the men and women who are with Dustin in Fort Sill.  I got to thinking.  Why should I just send a card to a few?  Why shouldn't they all get cards?  Aren't they all making the same sacrifices, working just as hard, and just as deserving as he is?  So, I started at the top, and am still working my way down.  I feel that they have more then earned this simple act of kindness, as well as their families.  I have spoken with many of these amazing women.  It's funny how special and precious relationships can become with people who you have never met.  All we had in common to start with was a longing and missing of our loved ones.  Friendships are being formed, that I hope will last long after BCT is over.  I am truly blessed by these women everyday.  I am finding healing and comfort, along with a sense of purpose, with every card.  The truth is that no amount of crying, wallowing in sorrow, or dwelling on the situation will make anyone feel better.  It isn't until you get up and put that energy into something productive that it starts to turn itself around.  God helps those, who help themselves...so to speak.  But I have to tell you, the effect it has on you is amazing.  Sure I tear up, but the tears are different.  They are tears of compassion, gratefulness, and pride.  I mean, this goes way beyond the college roommate friendship.  These are special bonds that, we as civilians, will never understand.  They call it a brotherhood.  It is called that for a reason.  I am reminded of this with every pen stroke, stamp, and envelope.  Why wouldn't we encourage and support those that, someday, may hold our loved ones life (as well as our own) in their hands?  It is a precious blessing and an honor to do this one simple act.

My next step, is to simplify.  I find the more simple life is, the easier it is to enjoy.  Dustin may be off doing his thing, but there is still a life here to carry on with.  Shelby and Dylan are not getting any younger.  With the three kids getting older, Paul and I are finding that we have much more time together then we are used to.  But if there is anything that life has taught me recently...it is that time is precious, no matter how much of it you have.  Yes, there are still going to be hard times.  Yes, there will be nights I don't sleep.  The truth is, with my health problems, it does wear on my body awful.  But through all of it I need to remember all the wonderful blessings I have been given through this process.  I have to move on and turn it into a positive.  I love encouraging and helping others.  It is partly why I became a nurse.  But more then that, it is the comfort and the healing it brings.  not to me, but to them.  I sent a quote to Dustin by General MacArthur..."A general is just as good or just as bad as the troops under his command make him."  Doesn't this hold true for parents as well.  Our children are only as good as we are.  But it holds true for being Americans, as well.  Our country is only as good as the people who stand behind and support those who protect it.  I love my son with all my heart and being of my body.  I love this country too.  I am very blessed that my son chose to stand for something more then a job.  He chose to give himself to protect the country I (and so many others) love.  Following in his grandfathers footsteps.  Just when you think you can't love them more, they do something like this.  I owe it to him and to all the others to be as supportive as possible.  Much love and many blessings!!!!