There are no words, right now, to describe the thoughts that are running through my mind. Again, I got up this morning, checked the mail, and was overcome by huge wave of disappointment. It would be easy for me to sit here and tell you that I am okay with this. The truth is...I'm not. I know that Dustin is working hard. From everything I have been able to piece together, it has not been an easy week and a half for him or any of the others he is with. My frustrations are not him (well, maybe a little) as much as it is the entire situation. I tend to be a bit of a control freak. I hate that I have absolutely no control over any of it. Most of all, I hate that I have no control over my feelings. One minute, I am happy as a lark. The next minute, I am brought to tears and can't stop them from coming. Any military mom will tell you she experiences this. When you hear from them, you are so excited and can't wait to tell anybody who will listen. However, when you are the one sitting and waiting for that call or that letter, deep inside your heart is breaking piece by piece. You tell yourself and play every possible scenario you can think of. He is busy and working hard. The mail is just running slow. But nothing soothes the sting that you feel in your stomach. You find yourself searching through any information you can. You pray that one of the mothers that has heard from her soldier tells a story or gives a name to put your mind at ease. Then, as you read and feel so much joy and appreciation that they have heard from their loved one...you feel worse and worse that you haven't heard anything. It's not that you aren't completely overjoyed that they have some comfort and piece of mind for themselves. It is that you have no idea what is going on with your own. Are they having a hard time? What are they thinking? Why aren't they writing more? How am I going to get through this? It takes you over. Then, just when you think that this is it. This is the moment I am going to break. I am not this strong. Lord, I need you more then I ever have. You look up, and there it is. That smile in a picture taken to celebrate his Senior year. You turn around and there is the picture taken as he took his first steps. Slowly, you start to pull yourself together. You take a deep breath and tell yourself..."I am this strong. I can do this. I will do this." And this is not a one time deal. You go through this on a daily basis. It is not only the power of God that brings us through. It is the power of motherhood. It has often been said that there is no love like that of a mom for her child. I would have to agree. We worry about everything. School, health, girl/boyfriends, and just about everything else under the sun. Yet, through the concern we grow strength. The kind of strength that is unexplainable. It is a precious gift.
It is that love that produced this blog before Dustin left. It is that love that helps me keep it going. It is that love that brought me to writing all those notes to soldiers in Dustin's Battery. It is that love that brought many others to do the same. I have watched as this love has not only brought people together, but has also produced a healing among them. Within that healing strong friendships are being formed, hope is born, and love is returned. We don't have to explain our feelings to each other. We know what the other is feeling because we live it. It is explaining it to others that is hard. So, rather then try, we put smiles on our faces and go about the business at hand. We keep the one place that we know they all can't wait to get back to running smoothly. That is home because there is no place like it. Much love and many blessings!!!
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