I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy to see this week come to an end. It has been a long one. I was certain when the phone call didn't come on Sunday, that we wouldn't hear anything from Dustin until this weekend, at the earliest. Then, Thursday there they were in the mailbox. Not one, but two letters. It was definitely just thing I needed. I send him, on average, three or four letters a week. His average has been two. I just didn't really expect to get them on the same day. His letters sounded so good. With every letter, I can tell just how happy he is with his decision. In one of the letters, he had mentioned that he got to meet the Secretary of Defense. He was so excited. For a teenage boy, who has always wanted to be a soldier, meeting the Secretary of Defense is a big deal. He also included a song that him and his "buddies" made up. It doesn't sound like much. But it put my mind at ease a bit. It showed that he is making friendships that are helping him to deal with getting through this time. He sent a list of items for me to send. Some might ask...why doesn't hen just buy what he needs? The fact is, if it is sent from home, it is more then just soap or shampoo. It is a piece of home. Something familiar, that he does not have in Fort Sill. The crazy thing is, it has a similar effect on me. It is something that I can do. Something that I know he needs. One thing less for him to worry about, and one thing more for me to take off his mind. When they are with us, we provide the essentials and don't think about it. We cook for them meals, do they're laundry, and pick up after them. Sometimes, we even complain about it. All the while, we never think about what it would be like if they aren't here. When Dustin was little, he wanted mom to do everything for him. He wouldn't even let Paul put his shoes on. He would grab his shoes, jump on the couch, and say, "Momma do!" There were times I would wish and pray he would let daddy do it for a change. I miss those days. Looking back, I would have cherished them even more. I sit in this quiet house and reminisce about those days, and think what I wouldn't give to hear his voice say, "Momma do", again. So, if laundry soap, cough drops, etc. is what he wants Momma to do for him, then Momma is going to do it. And I am going to enjoy every bit of it.
As of today, it is four weeks until he graduates BCT. Some of my sadness has been replaced with excitement. I can't imagine what it is going to be like to see him again. I try to prepare my self for it. I wonder how much his mannerisms have changed, his looks, and his overall self. He has always been so laid back. It is hard to think of him any other way. He used to tell me I needed to loosen up. He always thought I was too much of a worry-wart and a control freak. He's right. I am both. But I would never let him hear me say it out loud. Ha! The truth is that he is not the only one who has been doing some changing. I have found myself taking more time out for the kids and Paul. I tend to pay more attention when they speak, instead of just shaking my head and carrying on with whatever chore I am doing at the time. And there are still bad moments and days. However, now I can tell myself that I will be on my way to see him soon. I can sense the excitement about it in his letters. I wish I could afford for Paul and the kids to be there, too. I just can't with all the things we have going on. But I do feel blessed that I am, at least, able to go. He only has six weeks of AIT, and then he will (hopefully) be able to come home. Paul and I are planning on putting Christmas decorations up and having a Christmas celebration for him, when he comes home. He probably will not be able to be here in December, so we thought this would be a nice surprise for him at the end of September or beginning of October. The neighbors might think we are crazy. But I am sure when they find out what it is all for, they will understand. I absolutely love Christmas. The kids have often teased me that it looks like Christmas has went crazy in our house. But it is another something that is familiar to him, and a chance to celebrate our first Christmas as a family in a new house (if we ever get there). The hard part will be letting him go again. As I have stated before, this journey is just getting started. Paul and I are finding that we have to constantly remind others and ourselves of that fact. It isn't easy, but it is the way it is. It is a constant cycle. They are home and you enjoy having them. Then they are gone again and the worry and missing them starts all over. This is how relationships and friendships are challenged for both the soldier and loved ones. On the other hand, it is also what makes them stronger. I pray that those close to Dustin understand all this. I hope they understand that, just because he isn't here, he still thinks about and cares about them. I also hope the feelings go both ways. The support that Dustin and our family has received has been so amazing. We have definitely been very blessed by all of it. We thank you all from them bottom of our hearts. We know that, when he comes home, he will be so proud and so grateful. He loves this town and all the people in it so much. It is a part of who he is. It is going to be a joyous occasion, for sure. Much love and many blessings!!!!!
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