Time To Think...

Another night, another long night.  The truth is this is one of the hardest nights that I have had in a while.  It isn't like they haven't been bad before.  But, for some reason, tonight is different.  Maybe it is the stress of being sick, the new house (that just seems to be on obstacle after another), Dustin being gone and keeping so many things from him, Bella getting worse, and on and on.  I often wonder, how much does it take a person before they snap in half.  I just keep telling myself that God must think I have broad shoulders.  The truth is, I think He has more confidence in me, right now, then I have in myself.  We are less then three weeks away from him graduating from BCT and a part of me is so excited.  Another part is so worried.  It is one step closer to being done with the "training" portion.  But it is also one step away from being out in the "real world".  I look at the pictures and videos of them training and in some aspect...sure, it's cool.  However, it is a constant reminder of whats to come and the reason he is there.  I have thought many times, about a year from now, two years from now, etc..  Instead of calling Sunday, Dustin called Saturday night.  He said he was calling from sick bay, and my heart nearly fell to my feet.  If it wouldn't have been that it was his voice phone on the other end, I probably would have lost it.  It was a bit overwhelming at first.  He, apparently, got his retina cut from a metal pole.  Due to all the pink eye going around, they stuck him in sick bay.  He has been there a couple of days, and should be out by Monday.  I could tell it was hard for him.  All that down time, for a boy who doesn't sit still well, can be a downfall.  they are not allowed to get mail, write, or any of that in sick bay.  Which made me feel a little better about not getting much mail.  This past week has been very hard.  I thought that not getting a call Sunday would be okay.  Actually, it was harder then I thought.  What kept me going was being able to cheer on fellow Army Mom's as they were getting calls.  I adore all of them, and it did my heart good to see how happy it made them all.  the one good thing in all this...Blue Phase.  the final of three.  It means longer phone calls and graduation is around the corner.

Dustin is not the only one who has had time to think.  I, myself, have done some soul searching.  I am still trying to figure out how to get this Adopt A Soldier program going.  I am thinking that it is best to start out trying to get volunteers to write letters.  I picked up some more boxes from the post office this week.  I would like to send 7 more by the middle of next week.  But need to find a way to afford all the contents and postage.  So, if any have ideas, I am open to them.  It also dawned on me that Dustin has no idea about any of this, along with many other things.  I am still finding out that, even with him being in the Army, he is still young.  I worry about some of the choices he has made for himself and hope that he will come around.  While I am not always thrilled with the choices he makes, I still support him.  Heck!  the boy is 18...what else do you do?  More then that, he is my son.  He is such a good kid, with a big heart.  An easy target for some.  Sure the uniform is cool, but it isn't just an uniform.  It's a lifestyle.  I sit and look at all of the pictures of his friends on Facebook, enjoying their summer.  I wish he had been able to have more time for all that.  They are all going to mud bogs, parties, and vacations.  He is learning how to launch grenades, deal with chemical warfare, and shot an M-16.  There are still many who don't get it.  It is not their fault.  They have limited experience with Military life.  It makes it very hard.  There are very few people to lean on.  The people you think will be there for you aren't.  The ones you never thought in a million years would be, are.  This goes for the soldiers and the families. 

One thing that has gotten me through, time and time again, is my faith in God.  He has taught me so much through this process.  He has taught me that the smallest blessings can be your greatest.  He has taught me that, no matter how far, friends will come into your life to help see you through.  I have learned that there are people who actually want to make a difference in this world.  Even if it is one soldier at a time.  He has taught me that family is more then blood.  Family are your friends, the town in which you live, even complete strangers a thousand miles away.  Finally, he has taught me that He has it all under control.  It is me who has to be willing to give it to Him.  To be honest, I don't know if Dustin will ever read any of this.  I don't even know if my husband and my other two kids read any of it, let alone anyone else.  Don't know if they would be proud of it, or embarrassed by it.  All I know is that I am compelled to let others know they are not alone.  Helping soldiers and their families, has become very important to me.  It is what helps me feel better, when times get rough, and feel closer to Dustin.  It is something I hope my family and friends can be proud of.  Although they are young, I hope that the three kids and husband can understand it and see the difference I can make in others lives.  I hope they see how blessed I am by it all.  Sometimes, we get so caught up in praising them for all the good things, we forget that we need praise, ourselves.  We moms are funny creatures.  We are so good at building everyone else up.  Yet, so bad at giving ourselves credit.  We are good at hiding our fears, making everything look so easy (even when it isn't), and keeping everything running smoothly.  When in reality, we cry behind closed doors, constantly pray for guidance, and our minds are a jumbled mess.  Much love and many blessings!!!                         

Inspiration...

I'm back!!!  Ya'll didn't think I'd let a little thing like a hospital stay keep me away, did ya?  Well, it didn't.  Ha!  Came home today to a letter to top all things off.  It absolutely made my day.  Dustin didn't say much that he hadn't already said on the phone.  But he did say that if he would have named his gun, he would have named it "Black Beauty".  Ha!  I have stated before, the boy loves his guns.  A lot!  We have noticed a trend with his letters.  They usually come on Thursdays and Fridays.  Maybe, that was why I was so determined to get home today.  That and the fact that I am way more comfortable here then in any hospital room.  Ha!  It also turns out that there more positives to being stuck by yourself in a room to do nothing but think.  Boy!  Did I do a lot of that!  Tuesday night proved to be a bit challenging.  All I kept doing was worrying about whether he would find out if I was in the hospital before I could get home.  I knew that if I could get home and be on the rebound, he wouldn't want to stop and come home to see me.  You see, if he would have done that, it would have effected his graduation date.  There is no way on God's little green earth I was going to let that happen.  He has worked way to hard and long for that.  We promised him that things at home would be taken care of and that all he needed to do was take care of him and business at hand.  The idea was for him to keep a clear head.  Nothing is more important then that right now.  The other thing I got to thinking about was this blog, and what I want to accomplish with it.  It has become abundantly clear that many of our soldiers are, for whatever reason, in need of encouragement and support.  Many of them do not have families and friends writing them or sending them care packages.  The circumstances are not important.  What is important is that they should feel that someone cares and appreciates what they are doing.  This thought came to me as I opened my hospital room window and noticed that there was a flag waving in the courtyard.  I started thinking...how many have shed blood, sweat, and tears for that flag?  How many have sacrificed time with their families and friends?  How many gave of themselves with no one to care in return?  Dustin was one of the lucky few.  He not only had the support of friends and family, he had a whole town to support him.  A day or two before my unplanned trip to the other side of health care, I had made an announcement that I was thinking of turning Dustin's Journey into an adopt a soldier program.  Now, I know that there are other programs out there, but would one more hurt.  I mean, let's face it, there are a lot of soldiers out there.  Soldiers with loved ones supporting them and soldiers without it.  I would send all of them care packages, letters, and cards if I could.  The truth is I can not afford it and just plain don't have the ability to do it on my own.  So I find myself in a David and Goliath type of situation.  This blog is my sling shot.  So after long conversations with my husband, family, friends, and others with loved ones who have served...I have decided that this sling shot is going into action.  Now, I have much to think about, details to take care of, and most of all, need to get into a state of healthfulness that will allow me to do this.  It is a big undertaking.  But one that I am more then willing to conquer.  I know that there are many with big hearts willing to help.  The key is keeping it organized and running it smoothly.  I want people to know that they are welcome to just write letters and send cards, or send care packages.  The goal is to have as many soldiers as possible "feel the love".  If there is one thing I have learned through all this, and from talking to others, is that soldiers love getting mail.  A lot!!!!

 I never planned for my life to go in this direction.  I always wanted to be a nurse.  I thought that I would be able to love and care for patients, one on one, for my entire life.  Over the course of the last five years it has become abundantly clear that I am not physically able to do so in the manner that I once did.  It has been a very hard pill to swallow.  At times, it completely shattered my heart to think about it.  It wasn't until my son decided to join the Army that I was able to see the bigger picture.  I am not ashamed to say that I learn just as much from my children as they do from me.  In fact, I am proud of it.  I watched the way Dustin just went into this whole hearted.  I watched as many in this small wonderful town embraced him and our family.  All the while, I was thinking what is God trying to tell me?  What is the purpose for all of this?  How do I even begin to payback all of this wonderful kindness.  I am not expecting to touch thousands of soldiers like bigger organizations.  (At least, not at first).  But what I am trying to do is to let at least one amazing soldier (and they all are amazing) know that he is not alone.  That someone stands behind what he is fighting for.  Just like this town has done for my son.  I do not take what Dustin and the other soldiers are doing lightly.  They work hard and get very little in return.  Not to mention the occasional critic, who likes to turn political spins on the advantages and disadvantages of becoming a soldier.  No matter the individuals reason for becoming a soldier, it is a personal choice and sacrifice someone is making to give us the right to live the life that we do.  That, in my opinion, is something to show appreciation for.  We need to show it to them and their families.  If they don't have families, we need to be their family.  We are one nation, under god.  No matter how hard people try, God will always be a part of what we stand for and who service members and their families look up to for strength.  there is not a soul who has read this blog, and not seen how hard this has been on me.  I chose to share my experience to let others know they are not alone.  I have found much healing and support.  I have made friends with people thousands of miles away that I could never imagine living without now.  It has blessed me in ways I could never explain.  It has shown me that my son will always be supported and appreciated.  That the decision that he made was not only right for him, but means something to someone else.  I have always said he will be an amazing soldier.  I do not take all the credit for that, you all know that.  Everyday it is abundantly clear that Dylan and Shelby are following in his footsteps.  They are just as amazing as he is.  I have stated before that I write these words in honor of my dad and my son, and that I do so that my son will not become one of the forgotten.  I still stand by that statement.  Only now, I say let none of them be forgotten.  Let all of them have a name on that Red Cross card of someone that cares.  Let all of them have someone to pray for them and cheer them on.  It takes so little time and effort to make a soldier feel important.  A piece of paper, a pen, an envelope, a postage stamp, and a thank you.  That is all it takes to make a difference.  As I work out the details and get things going I will be updating you.  As I stated, there is much to be done.  First thing is first, I need to get better.  Please know that the love and support you have not only shown my son, but for me as well, is so greatly appreciated.  I have more blessings then I can count.  You are all a part of my family now.  Never let someone tell you that your physical ability can limit you to the difference you can make in ones life.  I refuse to let my disability define who I am and what I can accomplish.  It has taken me a long time to see that.  It has taken an 18 year old son, who has become my hero to open my eyes.  It is true what they say...not all hero's wear capes.  Much love and many blessings!!!!!!!                    

Army Mom Thoughts...

Well, the phone call came today.  This time it was just before 3pm.  I hadn't expected it that early.  The trend has been for him to call around 6pm.  It was so funny.  The phone rang and Shelby went to check the caller I.D. and just about jumped out of her skin.  She was so excited she couldn't even say anything.  All she could do was shake her hands and hand me the phone to answer it.  Ha!  If you could have seen her face.  It was priceless!  I answered the phone and there he was.  His voice sounded so good.  It is easy to tell he is happy.  Once he started talking, he just kept talking.  Ha!  That is what he does when he is excited.  It is also how I know he is doing so well.  He did say that he got expert for his grenade throwing.  He was disappointed with his shooting but did qualify.  He said it is definitely different shooting at moving targets.  I bet...is all I could think.  He went to say that he was very, very excited about AIT.  I can't tell you how much it eases me to know that he is doing so well and absolutely loving it.  He sounded so grown up.  He thanked everyone who has written him.  He loves getting mail.  He did get more time this week to talk.  But I could hear the Drill Instructor come in and say time was up.  Quickly told him I love him and let him go, as to not get him into any trouble.  He had told me that the only health issues he has had were due to his allergies.  Apparently, he went and got checked out an they gave him the proper meds and is fine now.  I am so glad that is all he has had problems with.  Pneumonia and pink eye seem to be going around quite a bit.

Today's phone call was so great.  However, I found myself in a state of limbo.  I felt caught between depression and excitement.  It is so hard to be encouraging and supportive on that phone, and so easy at the same time.  Hard because you want to reach through that phone and just grab them.  You want to throw your arms around them and never let then go.  Easy because they are your child and you want nothing but the best and success for them.  Someone made a comment earlier that I had no clue as far as how much talking to him helped.  At first, I have to say that it upset me very much.  Trust me...no one knows more then I do.  Then I quickly reminded myself that this is another one of those stupid sayings people just blurt out without thinking about what they are saying and how it effects you.  (Which reminds me, I have to work on that list of things you should never say to an Army mom for this blog.  Ha!)  Believe me, Army moms have more then just a clue.  We live it every single day, night, and minute.  There is not a time that goes by that we do not worry.  We raised these soldiers into the men and women the have become.  We not only "have a clue", we are the ones who have to pick up the pieces when something happens.  Not just the pieces of not doing well in BCT.  Oh no!!!  The pieces when they loss a friend in the line of duty.  We are the ones who have to take care of their families when they are deployed.  The ones who take care of them if they are ever hurt.  We sweep up the pieces when one of their friends, wife, or girlfriends breaks their heart because they decide they can't handle the lifestyle and decide to leave them while they are off on some mountain side somewhere fighting to stay alive.  This is real life, not pretend.  Sometimes, I think it is hard for others to remember that.  They are so caught up in the "coolness" of his job or that he wears an Army uniform.  It is hard for them to see the reality.   This is my sons life, and ours.  It is dangerous, worrisome, and full of uncertainty.  Yes, we are proud.  However, it is I and his father, who have to pick up the pieces if (God forbid) something ever happens to him.  Then we have to try and find a way to carry on without him.  Trust me there is nothing that will keep that out of the back of any Military parents/spouses mind.  As I stated, I am sure the comment was not intended to cause any upsetting emotions.  It just shows the type of things that run through an Army moms head when simple little comments are made and at the wrong time.  I felt really bad for being upset by it.  Dustin would have told me not to worry about it.  He has always been able to just let things roll of his back like they are nothing.  He did not get that from me, by the way.

Many of the soldiers seem to be doing well.  It has added ease to many of us mothers.  I think that we are able to fill our time with writing some of the other soldiers as helped so much.  It makes us all feel so good.  Not only that, it has brought us all closer.  I can remember my mom doing things like throwing parties, buying gifts, and making dinner for many of the soldiers my dad worked with when we were stationed away from home.  Sometimes, you are the only form of family they have.  It is a different kind of family bond that is formed.  Many of these relationships go on for years.  I know, now, why she enjoyed it so much.  The feeling it gives you is unexplainable.  It is a blessing to be able to do it.  More people should.  Much love and many blessings!!!!!                    

Something Different...

Well, what started out being a really rotten week, ended up being pretty darn good.  We got another letter today from Dustin.  It was a very unexpected surprise.  I think that he is out to prove me wrong about the not writing home thing.  Ha!  That is fine.  I will let him try his hardest!  Ha!  This letter was a bit longer then the last two.  He mailed it on the 17th.  So, the mail is moving faster.  He passed his second physical fitness test with flying colors.  He was so excited because he beat his last two mile run by like "2, if not 3" minutes.  This tells me so much.  Dustin made working out a part of his life, long before he joined the Army.  He was already in great shape when he left.  So, I know he is still as serious about it has he always was.  He did say that, surprisingly, they had quite a bit of free time.  I think this is partial because Dustin could never sit still.  He was always outside doing stuff, or running the roads.  Ha!!  He misses Dylan and Shelby so much.  He told Shelby that, as soon as he got home, she could start baking.  Dustin was always a sucker for cookies.  Especially homemade cookies.  He said he is doing really well and is very happy.  This brings my mind to ease a bit.  I know that many of the soldiers in training have been having a challenging time.  I am sure Dustin has had his.  But he has managed to keep his spirits up.  He mentioned that many of his friends had received the cards I sent.  He thanked me for them.  It made me feel so good.  Not just for them, but that it helps me feel closer to him.  It is like having a piece of me there.  I always want him to feel that I am there with him.  Maybe not physically, but in spirit.  I know he is missing home a little.  He brought up how much he missed falling asleep in the chair, at night, while the two of us listened to music.  Since I have almost always worked midnights, I have done my housework at night.  If the two younger kids were gone, Dustin and I would put on a little music.  We share a passion for hard rock and heavy metal.  Sometimes, we would put on a little Contemporary Christian music (another favorite we share).  I would clean the kitchen and he would sit while we visited and caught up with everything.  I miss those nights, too.  I miss them very much.  Those talks would go on for hours.  I have always had a very open relationship with my kids.  We both learned so much about each other on those nights.  Oh my goodness!  When I think of the laughs we shared, it makes my gut aches.  Ha!!!  This picture was taken, during one of those nights, about two weeks before he left.

This time it was more then a letter.  There was something different in the words and how it was written.  It made me realize a couple of things.  The first thing is that my little boy has grown into a man.  There were some things of a private nature that concerned me before he left.  I have to say that he put some of them to rest in this letter.  He showed that his priorities have changed and that, although still carefree, he is starting to think things through better before he makes his decisions.  Am I still worried?  Well, of course I am.  I am his mother.  That is my job.  Let's be honest.  When it comes to our children, nothing is ever good enough.  Not any school, job, or boyfriend/girlfriend.  Especially, if those things give us reason to be concerned.  However, my children know that, although I may not always be happy with their decisions, I will always stand behind and be there for them.  They are my children, and they are always my first priority.  If those decisions workout for them.  That's great.  If not, I always explain to them how important it is learn from them.  Today's letter also showed me that all those small memories (along with the big one) are just as special and important to him as they are me.  This is, as they say, reaping the benefits of what you sow.  All the Drill Sergeants in the world can't take those out of a soldiers mind.  When it comes right down to it, it is what gets him through the rough moments.  Just like it does me.  I hang on to those moments.  They are precious beyond believe.  They also comfort me and see me through the same rough times.  I take comfort in knowing that he will have them with him no matter what.  Whether he is stuck in the barracks waiting for the phone to ring, or on a mountainside somewhere in some foreign country oceans away.  They are memories only a parent can give a child, and vice versa.  The tears that fall from my eyes, while remembering them, are not just tears of sadness.  They represent joy, love, and countless other emotions.  Someday, he will share them with his children, as well as make his own. 

Today also brought more good news.  It looks like we are going to get a phone call tomorrow.  Not sure what time, as usual.  Sundays have turned into the one a day everyone makes it a point to be home.  I don't even have to bribe them any!  Ha!  Dylan and Shelby simply tell their friends that they want to be home for Dustin's call.  No one questions it or pressures them.  They have wonderful friends.  Paul and I are so grateful.  They have helped the kids so much.  Let's face it, sometimes you just need a friend.  Mom and dad are just not the same.  A lot to go through, I know, for a 7 minute phone call.  But no amount of money or gold in the world would be worth missing it for.  We will all spend the day watching TV, being on the computer, and enjoying each others company while we wait.  I know that I am not the only mom that will be waiting.  I am sure that I will connect with a few others throughout the day.  They are all just as excited as I am.  Much love and many blessings!!!                            

Something Familiar...

I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy to see this week come to an end.  It has been a long one.  I was certain when the phone call didn't come on Sunday, that we wouldn't hear anything from Dustin until this weekend, at the earliest.  Then, Thursday there they were in the mailbox.  Not one, but two letters.  It was definitely just thing I needed.  I send him, on average, three or four letters a week.  His average has been two.  I just didn't really expect to get them on the same day.  His letters sounded so good.  With every letter, I can tell just how happy he is with his decision.  In one of the letters, he had mentioned that he got to meet the Secretary of Defense.  He was so excited.  For a teenage boy, who has always wanted to be a soldier, meeting the Secretary of Defense is a big deal.  He also included a song that him and his "buddies" made up.  It doesn't sound like much.  But it put my mind at ease a bit.  It showed that he is making friendships that are helping him to deal with getting through this time.  He sent a list of items for me to send.  Some might ask...why doesn't hen just buy what he needs?  The fact is, if it is sent from home, it is more then just soap or shampoo.  It is a piece of home.  Something familiar, that he does not have in Fort Sill.  The crazy thing is, it has a similar effect on me.  It is something that I can do.  Something that I know he needs.  One thing less for him to worry about, and one thing more for me to take off his mind.  When they are with us, we provide the essentials and don't think about it.  We cook for them meals, do they're laundry, and pick up after them.  Sometimes, we even complain about it.  All the while, we never think about what it would be like if they aren't here.  When Dustin was little, he wanted mom to do everything for him.  He wouldn't even let Paul put his shoes on.  He would grab his shoes, jump on the couch, and say, "Momma do!"  There were times I would wish and pray he would let daddy do it for a change.  I miss those days.  Looking back, I would have cherished them even more.  I sit in this quiet house and reminisce about those days, and think what I wouldn't give to hear his voice say, "Momma do", again.   So, if laundry soap, cough drops, etc. is what he wants Momma to do for him, then Momma is going to do it.  And I am going to enjoy every bit of it.

As of today, it is four weeks until he graduates BCT.  Some of my sadness has been replaced with excitement. I can't imagine what it is going to be like to see him again.  I try to prepare my self for it.  I wonder how much his mannerisms have changed, his looks, and his overall self.  He has always been so laid back.  It is hard to think of him any other way.  He used to tell me I needed to loosen up.  He always thought I was too much of a worry-wart and a control freak.  He's right.  I am both.  But I would never let him hear me say it out loud.  Ha!  The truth is that he is not the only one who has been doing some changing.  I have found myself taking more time out for the kids and Paul.  I tend to pay more attention when they speak, instead of just shaking my head and carrying on with whatever chore I am doing at the time.  And there are still bad moments and days.  However, now I can tell myself that I will be on my way to see him soon.  I can sense the excitement about it in his letters.  I wish I could afford for Paul and the kids to be there, too.  I just can't with all the things we have going on.  But I do feel blessed that I am, at least, able to go.  He only has six weeks of AIT, and then he will (hopefully) be able to come home.  Paul and I are planning on putting Christmas decorations up and having a Christmas celebration for him, when he comes home.  He probably will not be able to be here in December, so we thought this would be a nice surprise for him at the end of September or beginning of October.  The neighbors might think we are crazy.  But I am sure when they find out what it is all for, they will understand.  I absolutely love Christmas.  The kids have often teased me that it looks like Christmas has went crazy in our house.  But it is another something that is familiar to him, and a chance to celebrate our first Christmas as a family in a new house (if we ever get there).  The hard part will be letting him go again.  As I have stated before, this journey is just getting started.  Paul and I are finding that we have to constantly remind others and ourselves of that fact.  It isn't easy, but it is the way it is.  It is a constant cycle.  They are home and you enjoy having them.  Then they are gone again and the worry and missing them starts all over.  This is how relationships and friendships are challenged for both the soldier and loved ones.  On the other hand, it is also what makes them stronger.  I pray that those close to Dustin understand all this.  I hope they understand that, just because he isn't here, he still thinks about and cares about them.  I also hope the feelings go both ways.  The support that Dustin and our family has received has been so amazing.  We have definitely been very blessed by all of it.  We thank you all from them bottom of our hearts.  We know that, when he comes home, he will be so proud and so grateful.  He loves this town and all the people in it so much.  It is a part of who he is.  It is going to be a joyous occasion, for sure.  Much love and many blessings!!!!!                           

The Power...

There are no words, right now, to describe the thoughts that are running through my mind.  Again, I got up this morning, checked the mail, and was overcome by huge wave of disappointment.  It would be easy for me to sit here and tell you that I am okay with this.  The truth is...I'm not.  I know that Dustin is working hard.  From everything I have been able to piece together, it has not been an easy week and a half for him or any of the others he is with.  My frustrations are not him (well, maybe a little) as much as it is the entire situation.  I tend to be a bit of a control freak.  I hate that I have absolutely no control over any of it.  Most of all, I hate that I have no control over my feelings.  One minute, I am happy as a lark.  The next minute, I am brought to tears and can't stop them from coming.  Any military mom will tell you she experiences this.  When you hear from them, you are so excited and can't wait to tell anybody who will listen.  However, when you are the one sitting and waiting for that call or that letter, deep inside your heart is breaking piece by piece.  You tell yourself and play every possible scenario you can think of.  He is busy and working hard.  The mail is just running slow.  But nothing soothes the sting that you feel in your stomach.  You find yourself searching through any information you can.  You pray that one of the mothers that has heard from her soldier tells a story or gives a name to put your mind at ease.  Then, as you read and feel so much joy and appreciation that they have heard from their loved one...you feel worse and worse that you haven't heard anything.  It's not that you aren't completely overjoyed that they have some comfort and piece of mind for themselves.  It is that you have no idea what is going on with your own.  Are they having a hard time?  What are they thinking?  Why aren't they writing more?  How am I going to get through this?  It takes you over.  Then, just when you think that this is it.  This is the moment I am going to break.  I am not this strong.  Lord, I need you more then I ever have.  You look up, and there it is.  That smile in a picture taken to celebrate his Senior year.  You turn around and there is the picture taken as he took his first steps.  Slowly, you start to pull yourself together.  You take a deep breath and tell yourself..."I am this strong.  I can do this.  I will do this."  And this is not a one time deal.  You go through this on a daily basis.  It is not only the power of God that brings us through.  It is the power of motherhood.  It has often been said that there is no love like that of a mom for her child.  I would have to agree.  We worry about everything.  School, health, girl/boyfriends, and just about everything else under the sun.  Yet, through the concern we grow strength.  The kind of strength that is unexplainable.  It is a precious gift. 

It is that love that produced this blog before Dustin left.  It is that love that helps me keep it going.  It is that love that brought me to writing all those notes to soldiers in Dustin's Battery.  It is that love that brought many others to do the same.  I have watched as this love has not only brought people together, but has also produced a healing among them.  Within that healing strong friendships are being formed,  hope is born, and love is returned.  We don't have to explain our feelings to each other.  We know what the other is feeling because we live it.  It is explaining it to others that is hard. So, rather then try, we put smiles on our faces and go about the business at hand.  We keep the one place that we know they all can't wait to get back to running smoothly.  That is home because there is no place like it.  Much love and many blessings!!!             

A Reality Check!!!

Through this process, I have managed to be as positive as possible.  A couple of weeks ago it starting getting harder.  Then that phone call came last week.  It was just what I needed to keep my spirits up.  The prospect of another phone call this Sunday had me sailing through the week.  I was so excited.  One letter last week was all that we received.  But I had convinced myself that we would hear Dustin's voice today.  So, one letter was okay.  I had managed to write Dustin three letters last week and mentioned for him to remind his friends to write home.  I told him...All they have to do is write two sentences.  "I am doing okay.  I love you."  Something that simple would bring the spirits of an Army Mom up.  Then, as I sat here reading my News feed on Face book, there it was.  The words tore through my heart like a bolt of lightening.  I think I actually read it ten times before I could actually say it out loud.  "There will be no phone call today."  Yup!  No matter how many times you read it, it feels the same over and over again.  To be honest, I had no words to describe what I was feeling at that moment.  Disappointment, frustration, anger.  Not any one word seemed appropriate.  The tears started coming.  My husband, always the constant rock, held me and just let them come.  Let's be honest.  I knew that this was a possibility.  Dustin, as stated before, had expressed thoughts and frustration at some of the lack of discipline being displayed by some of the other soldiers.  I just wasn't quite prepared for the effect it would have on me.  One of the first questions to cross your mind is  "Who screwed up?"  However, I got to thinking about it.  Does it matter?  Yes, it is frustrating that there are those that seem to take this process a little less serious then others.  But in the long run, they are a "Team".  If one fails...they all fail.  It is very, very hard to admit this to yourself.  Especially, when you have a child that seems to be doing so well with everything else.  Then, has to pay the price for someone else's mistakes.  But the truth of the matter is that this is what BCT is all about.  Better they learn this now, then the hard way.  Does it tear my heart to shreds?  Most definitely!!!  Like you will never know.  So, I sit and I write, yet, another letter.  I encourage my son to be a leader in his behavior and to be encouraging to all the other soldiers.  Because someday, one of them may mean the difference between my son coming home and my son never coming home again.  It is harsh and not pretty.  But it is the reality that we Military families and our soldiers face.  So, I pick up my head and hold it high.  I carry on knowing that he is learning very valuable lessons.  I also carry on for the wonderful family I have at home.  If I am down...they are down.  If I am positive...they are positive. 

A very bad week has taught me so much.  I had only planned on sending cards to a few names on the list of soldiers that I had.  However, by the time I was through, I had made it through the whole list.  Others have followed the same example and I can not tell you how much this means to me.  Some might think it is crazy to send things to complete strangers.  What will people think?  What do I say?  the point is...does it matter?  Really, we make fools of ourselves on a daily basis and don't think anything about it.  Yelling our heads off at sporting games or rushing to get through a line in the store.  Yet, when it comes to our kids we all of a sudden worry about what people will think.  I am just as guilty.  The question should be more... how far are you willing to go?  How much of a fool are you willing to be to show men and women who have chosen to put their lives on the line for our freedoms?  How far are you willing to go for your child?  Are you willing to step outside of yourself to encourage the person who may, someday, hold your child's life in the palm of their hands?  It is a big question.  It is a tough question.  It is an important question.  I come to know these women a little more everyday.  I am both blessed and amazed at the generosity and support.  It is the hardest thing in the world to know that your child is willing to give so much.  All the while, in the back of our minds, we know it could cost us them.  This is our life.  this is why every phone call is so important.  When you only have a 7 minute phone call, you say what really matters.  You hang onto every second like it was a precious treasure you had just been entrusted with.  It is why we race to the mailbox every blasted day of the week.  It is why we sit and write 40 plus cards out, no matter how much it hurts, to complete strangers.  It is not for us.  It is for our children and loved ones.  We never want to have to face the day we regretted that we didn't do it.  We never want to have to say "I should have done..." or "I should have said...".  We are truly grateful for all they do.  Trust me...no one is any more grateful then they are. Much love and many blessings!!!!

Finding Comfort...

Well, no letter, again today.  I'd like to say that I am okay with it.  However, it leaves a sort of emptiness deep inside.  You want to tell yourself that it is okay.  You tell yourself, "They are working hard.  Probably don't have time to write."  There is this part of you, however, that is uneasy about it.  You hope that those are the reasons.  Then your mind starts to wonder other things.  Is he doing okay?  How bad is he missing home?  Is he healthy and able to tolerate the heat?  You see, it is the not knowing that leaves the emptiness.  It's not like you can look at them to try and read what is going on in their minds or physically.  Sure, this is the Army.  I have stated before that it isn't like summer camp.  But the truth of the matter is...they are still our children.  We worry.  And when they aren't with us.  We worry even more.  The differentiating factor, in this whole situation, is that they chose to be soldiers.  A proud, honest, courageous profession.  But it comes with its own set of rules, guidelines, and dangers.  Even the "kids" that have to finish high school won't come back "kids" anymore.  I have done much soul searching in the past few weeks.  I have decided that I have got to find some way of coping with this all.  Let's face it.  It doesn't end after he graduates from AIT.  So, I did what I always do.  Took it to God.  I decided it was time for mom to practice what she preached.  I have always found comfort in my faith.  Between all the changes at home, my health, and just plain sorrow...I could not bring myself to ask the tough questions.  How would God want me to handle this?  How can I do what he is asking of me when I can't even function from day to day?  How can I bring my son (and family) the kind of honor he (and his fellow soldiers) deserve?  Let's face it "keeping busy", isn't enough. The answer is starting to show itself.  I sat down last night and opened  a list of names.  These names are those of the men and women who are with Dustin in Fort Sill.  I got to thinking.  Why should I just send a card to a few?  Why shouldn't they all get cards?  Aren't they all making the same sacrifices, working just as hard, and just as deserving as he is?  So, I started at the top, and am still working my way down.  I feel that they have more then earned this simple act of kindness, as well as their families.  I have spoken with many of these amazing women.  It's funny how special and precious relationships can become with people who you have never met.  All we had in common to start with was a longing and missing of our loved ones.  Friendships are being formed, that I hope will last long after BCT is over.  I am truly blessed by these women everyday.  I am finding healing and comfort, along with a sense of purpose, with every card.  The truth is that no amount of crying, wallowing in sorrow, or dwelling on the situation will make anyone feel better.  It isn't until you get up and put that energy into something productive that it starts to turn itself around.  God helps those, who help themselves...so to speak.  But I have to tell you, the effect it has on you is amazing.  Sure I tear up, but the tears are different.  They are tears of compassion, gratefulness, and pride.  I mean, this goes way beyond the college roommate friendship.  These are special bonds that, we as civilians, will never understand.  They call it a brotherhood.  It is called that for a reason.  I am reminded of this with every pen stroke, stamp, and envelope.  Why wouldn't we encourage and support those that, someday, may hold our loved ones life (as well as our own) in their hands?  It is a precious blessing and an honor to do this one simple act.

My next step, is to simplify.  I find the more simple life is, the easier it is to enjoy.  Dustin may be off doing his thing, but there is still a life here to carry on with.  Shelby and Dylan are not getting any younger.  With the three kids getting older, Paul and I are finding that we have much more time together then we are used to.  But if there is anything that life has taught me recently...it is that time is precious, no matter how much of it you have.  Yes, there are still going to be hard times.  Yes, there will be nights I don't sleep.  The truth is, with my health problems, it does wear on my body awful.  But through all of it I need to remember all the wonderful blessings I have been given through this process.  I have to move on and turn it into a positive.  I love encouraging and helping others.  It is partly why I became a nurse.  But more then that, it is the comfort and the healing it brings.  not to me, but to them.  I sent a quote to Dustin by General MacArthur..."A general is just as good or just as bad as the troops under his command make him."  Doesn't this hold true for parents as well.  Our children are only as good as we are.  But it holds true for being Americans, as well.  Our country is only as good as the people who stand behind and support those who protect it.  I love my son with all my heart and being of my body.  I love this country too.  I am very blessed that my son chose to stand for something more then a job.  He chose to give himself to protect the country I (and so many others) love.  Following in his grandfathers footsteps.  Just when you think you can't love them more, they do something like this.  I owe it to him and to all the others to be as supportive as possible.  Much love and many blessings!!!!               

No Letter Today...

Well, after a very busy night at work, I decided to come home and wait for the mailman.  Our mail comes early, and since I didn't have to work tonight, I figured it wouldn't hurt.  I was quickly disappointed.  Got out to the mailbox and nothing!!!!  My spirits went from sky high to rock bottom in a matter of nano-seconds.  The phone call Sunday was such a lift.  I kept telling myself that, if I could get a phone call every Sunday, then that would be enough.  Enough to put the worry, the not knowing, and just the plain missing Dustin, at bay.  I am quickly realizing that isn't the case.  Mornings like this are so hard.  I was so used to coming home to three teenagers sleeping in the living room.  It is what they have always done on the nights both mom and dad worked.  Instead, I came home to only two dogs and a husband.  Don't get me wrong.  I love my husband dearly.  I could never have gotten through everything (especially this) with out him.  My dogs are like my second set of children.  So, I am very thankful to have them.  You see, this is the part they don't tell you about.  You are more then informed on what a wonderful decision your soldier has made.  The opportunities that await them.  And sure, to some extent, you are warned about how long and hard it can be on you.  But what they don't tell you is how to deal with the sudden impact the quiet has on you.  They don't tell you about the incomplete feeling you have at the first family function you and your family attend, without your soldier.  They definitely don't tell you about the moments you are sitting all by yourself surrounded by constant reminders that someone is far away from home.  One minute you are happy as a lark.  The next moment, you are riddled with tears and a longing that could only be healed by holding the in your arms.  It is so easy for others to say, "Keep busy and the time will go by faster,"  Sure it does help the time go by, but it doesn't help keep your mind from constantly thinking about them.  There are moments I can sit in a room full of people and feel so alone.  I remind myself that they mean well.  I do adore them for trying to make things better.  The amount of love and support has been so wonderful, and at times, humbling.

Dustin has always been there for my bad days.  If his brother or sister needed a ride somewhere, we would get in my car and crank the radio.  The two of us would open the sunroof and just enjoy the drive.  For that couple of hours I ( and Dustin) could forget about the pain and decline my body was feeling.  For a few carefree moments, it didn't matter that I was never gong to able to be as energetic and carefree as I once was.  I miss those days.  My children have been so supportive and understanding through my illness.  Knowing it can't be easy for them, I have always tried to make it as easy for them as possible.  No child should have to watch their parent go through the things I have had to go through.  Yet, through it all, they understand that it is the hand we have been dealt.  The three of them have always tried to make the most of it.  But it doesn't keep me from worrying about the affect it has on them.  Especially, Dustin while he is gone.  Days like to today make it ever so clear that I will have to wait a while for one of those drives.  I started looking through some pictures today of Dustin's Senior year.  I found two pictures that I wanted to share with you.  The first picture is one of Dustin dressed as Uncle Sam for his Homecoming parade.  It is so like him.  Little did I know the significance that picture would have a few short months later.  The other is one of him on one of our drives just before he left.  Top open, music cranked, and not a care in the world.

I believe that God brings people into our lives for a reason.  I have come to know many of the wonder families of the men and women Dustin is going through BCT with.  I have found that we are able to comfort each other through the downs and help each other celebrate the ups.  I truly hope that our relationships can grow way beyond our children being in BCT together.  They have not only shown me that I am not alone, but that comfort, love, and support can come from miles.  Distance does not keep us from laughing together, crying together, even waiting by the phone together.  I ask that you keep them in your thoughts and prayers.  The journey is just starting for all of us.  We have a very long way to go.  I don't think it is too much a stretch to say that they appreciate your support as much as I do.  We are all learning together.  We have found that it is a slow, tedious, and sometimes uncertain process.  I continue to try and encourage them.  In return, they teach me so much.  What a blessing they have become.  So, I will pick my head up, try to put a smile on my face, remember how much Dustin loves what he is doing, and carry on.  That is what he would want me to do.  I know he is fulfilling his destiny.  He is carrying out the plan that God has put into place for him.  In return, I will continue to work on my the plan in place for me.  I promised to be the best Darned Army Mom on the planet.  that is exactly what I aim to do.  I just have lots more help in the process then I thought I did.  Come tomorrow, I will make my way to the mailbox, and do it all over again.  As always, I will pass on any information.  Thank you so much, my friends.  thank you for your love, support, and just plain putting up with me.  Much love and many blessings!!!!         

At Long Last...

Well, as many of you know, our long awaited phone call cam at around 6pm tonight.  I have spent the day sitting and waiting.  Woke up a complete mess this morning.  We were not told what time he would be calling.  So, I was afraid to go anywhere.  We had all just settled to watch television and there it was.  The sweet ring of the land line phone.  I answered the phone and those magic words came from the other end,  "Hi, Momma."  Oh I just about lost it.  I sensed the tears starting when he heard my voice, so I took a deep breath and pulled it together.  We put him on speaker phone so that he could talk to the four of us and Bella (his dog) could hear his voice.  I did not, however, tell him about her.  He needs the motivation and she is on the mend.  Did not see it necessary, right now.  It was the craziest thing.  I hadn't spoken with him in three weeks and when I get the chance...I freeze right up.  So, did everyone else.  It was almost funny.  He loves shooting the M16.  He said it is very different and kicks like thunder.  But he is having fun.  Said he didn't think it was as hard as he expected.  He did say that, if they did well, they would be able to call every Sunday.  Oh I can't tell you how much that means to me.  He sounded so good.  He absolutely loves it.  At his request, I placed his address on Facebook.  It is still slow getting mail to him, but he is eager to see how everyone is doing.  I did not get a chance to ask him about the people he has made friends with.  However, I was able to tell him about his Aunt and I coming to Graduation.  I think it made his day.  He was so excited after that.  He is working hard and we are so proud.

It's funny how you sit and wonder if they miss you, as much as you miss them.  I can tell you...they so do.  The most bittersweet moment came after the phone call.  Paul picked Bella up and took her outside to do her thing.  She walked!!!!  All the meds, slipped disk, and cancer didn't have the power that Dustin's voice did.  Oh she stumbled...a lot.  She was a completely different dog.  She is a fighter, just like him.  Love is a powerful emotion.  But the love between a boy and his dog is a magical healing power of its own.  As a nurse, I have seen some pretty remarkable things.  I will never, however, understand the power that love has on the sick and wounded.  It isn't anything medicine, science, or modern technology can compare to.  The sound of that special voice, the touch of a hand, the kiss on the forehead.  The simplest, yet best medicine.  We know this as mothers.  No one knows our children like we do.  We see there faces, and we know what they are thinking.  We hear their voices, we know what they are feeling.  It is so hard to be so far and not be able to just put him in my arms and hold him.  Never letting him go.  But that is not possible.  So I put on a smile and start giving the words of encouragement I always have.  There it was, the change in his voice.  A good change.  The excitement, love, happiness that came over the phone was proof.  Proof that no matter how far away they are, it matters what you say, think, and do.  It was healing for me too.  God, I love that kid.  I love all my kids more then words can express.  I never thought that three other people could bring me so much love and happiness.  They are blessings I often wonder what I did right to deserve.

Many of you watched this afternoon as some of the other families went through the same thing we did.  They are awesome people.  Some of us are sending cards and letters to each others children and husbands, along with the soldiers that have no one.  We are dependent on our own soldiers getting us the names of those who need a little encouragement for one reason or another.  I invite you to check out Bravo Battery Boosters Facebook page.  It is where we families and supporters tend to do much of our corresponding.  I have had the privilege of getting know some of these women/men.  The are as inspiring as their soldiers.  Also there are weekly photos (and sometimes videos) posted I will try to share with you all on my Facebook page.  Look for Red (or red beads hanging from collar) Vest #37.  that is Dustin.  But all the soldiers are working so hard.  They all deserve so much credit.  The pictures and videos are interesting and serve as a reminder that what they are doing is hard work and serious stuff.  As always, I thank you so much.  I never expected all the love and support you have shown.  This blogged just served as way for me to keep family and friends updated.  It also was a way for me to express my feelings.  I never thought there would be so many others who felt the same.  I am so glad it is helping people.  More then that, I am so glad that it has brought so much support to our troops (Dustin included).  You have laughed with me, cried with me, and just plain put up with me.  You are wonderful people.  I can only hope and pray that God blesses your lives as much as you have me and my family.  Much love and many blessings!!!!                    

The White Phase Jig!!!!!

We have phased to White.  This is the second step in a three step process (Blue is next).  I would be lying if I didn't tell you all that I haven't been holding my breath since Friday.  We had gotten two letters from Dustin on Friday.  He had expressed his frustration with the lack of discipline that some of the recruits were showing.  Apparently, he was afraid that it would cost them the chance to move on.  He was so not impressed with having to write a 500 word essay about why it was important to keep the Bay cleaned up.  I guess they all did.  To be honest, it frustrates me too.  Not just because of the possibility that it keeps them from moving on.  It is also the purpose.  Much of what they train them to do has to do with teamwork.  I, as an Army mom, want to know that he is safe out there.  I need to know that the guys he is with, have his back.  My own lack of confidence in these people bothers me.  I just encouraged Dustin to be positive, be a role model, and show patience.  I pray they come around.  The great thing about White Phase is the privilege to call home.  We haven't spoken to him in a few weeks now.  Not only is it wearing on us, but I can tell on him, as well.  It's funny.  I have waited all week for this night.  The night we find out, whether or not, they Phase into the next step.  The thing that I am the most excited about is the accomplishment that he (and the others) have achieved.  You see, it is one step closer to the goal.  That much further he has come through the process.  My husband and I compare it to watching him bat his first home run or that feeling you get when they win their first football game.  Pride, love, and achievement.  I told him that anything worth doing is never easy, but life is so sweet when you get there.  He is experiencing this first hand. 

Dylan and Shelby are so excited too.  Shelby is the funniest.  When the announcement came over Facebook, she was quiet and reserved.  Then not three post under mine, there it was..."My brother gets to call tomorrow.  I miss that bonehead."  HaHa!  Trust me, that is her beaming.  I am so proud of the young lady she has grown into through this process.  And Dylan shows more maturity then most kids his age.  They do not have a lot of friends with siblings in the Military, so it is hard for them to find understanding.  Couple that with the look people give us when they find out what Dustin is doing, and it frustrates them and us.  Why do people give you that look, or worse...they apologize?  I don't want your apology.  They act as if there is a funeral or something.  I simply want you to smile and say "How nice".  Or a simple, "Congratulations."  We know the risk.  Trust us, we have went over every scenario you could imagine.  There are constant reminders every time we watch the news or read the paper.  But it doesn't change the fact that we are so proud of him.   Face it, he choose to do what only 1% of American citizens are willing to.  Not for a way out, not for the recognition, but because he feels strongly about it.  What more could we ever ask of him?  I will be the first to admit, I was a mess when he broke his news.  But, like Dustin, I have found purpose and contentment with his choice.  I continue to correspond with other mothers and loved ones of the recruits he is with.  I find it helps me to feel closer to him in some way.  It is also precious to me that I can help provide motivation and encouragement to someone else.  It was my intent.  However, I have found that I am the one being blessed in so many ways.  God is so good.  Sure there are bad moments and bad days.  I manage.  I listen to the music Dusty and I share a passion for.  I reread his letters and texts.  I blog, pray, and read my Bible.  Probably shedding tears the entire time.  I am not too proud to say that these moments make me a mess.  I am a mom.  More then that, I am an Army mom.  It is what we do.  More good news came this week.  I found out my sister and I will be able to fly down for his BCT graduation.  All I kept thinking about was that boy at MEPS.  I didn't want that boy to be mine.  He has worked so hard.  He deserves to have someone there.  So on August 16th, I will watch my soldier march in his graduation.  The thought brings me chills.  What an honor it will be.

This week was so full of wonderful things.  I have been sick and it was so needed.  All the stress and the weather had finally caught up with me.  But it is said that when God shuts a door, he opens a window.  That is exactly what happened.  Watching the parade and fireworks with my family were so great.  Added by the constant inquiries by the community about how Dustin was doing made me feel so good.  Not just about his choice, but about where we come from.  I will never tire of saying how much you all mean to us.  You have sent him letters.  You even gave concern and prayer for a soldiers aging dog, who may not make it to see him come home.  I could never repay you or tell you all how much that means to my family.  You are so wonderful.  And on August 16th, when I meet other families, drill sergeants, and soldiers... I will only be the proudest to say that we are from Beaverton, Michigan.  I will be the happiest to say that he is this towns soldier and that you are part of his family.  Thank you so very, very much.  Much love and many blessings!!!!!

This is a picture taken at Dustin's high school graduation with his brother and sister.  Just two weeks before he left.  My Three Musketeer's.  One for all, and all for one.  It has been there theme since birth.  It continues today...and will has the years go on, I'm sure.  

Red to White...

Well, we haven't gotten a letter since Friday.  I have to admit, I am a little disappointed by this.  I know, however, that he is working his tail off and probably has not had time to write.  I have been following the Battery's Facebook page and being able to keep up through that.  They post weekly pictures of the recruits during training exercises. This week, we were told, they will be working on the rifle range.  All I keep thinking, while I am reading the updates, is that Dustin is so in his element.  The boy was born with a gun in his hands.  Although, I was told they teach them how to shoot differently, I am sure he will rock the rifle range.  I think back to all those years I sit and got after my husband about letting the boys handle guns.  Oh, don't get me wrong!  He taught them well.  They not only gained a huge sense of passion for our natural resources and the great outdoors, but they are safe about it.  I just always worried about accidents.  I used to tell them, "That's why they call them accidents, you plan for them."  I guess when you combine nurse and mom, you get worry times two.  More then anything, I think about the sense of pride and connection it created between Paul and the boys.  Oh sure, every hunting season brings a new competition in this house.  Who can get the biggest deer.  Who can get the best shot.  It's truly an experience.  I have come to rely on the Bravo Battery Facebook page for most of my information.  It seems that the families all get different information.  I am sure it is due to the difference in Platoons and Drill Sergeants.  Not to mention, I am new to this whole Army mom thing.  So, I am learning as I go.  I have been able to get to know the families a little.  It helps me feel closer to Dustin in some small way.  They are a great group of supporters and have made me feel like what I am going through is, somewhat, normal.  We were told that they will be deciding whether or not to Phase them into White Phase this weekend.  This is great news!  It means we might get a phone call this weekend.  No guarantee's.  But it does give us something to hope for.

No mail tomorrow, due to the Fourth of July.  We plan on spending it with my family.  This years holiday will definitely seem different.  It will be strange not to have Dusty here to overtake the grill.  He loves to cook out.  I am not sure, yet, how I will be affected.  The meaning has taken a new perspective.  I never really thought twice about the Veterans that marched in the parades.  Being the daughter of a soldier, it is what it is.  It's a way of life.  When dad retired, we still had pictures, souvenirs, and the good old American pride that comes from living a military life.  But it was different, we were civilians.  That meant no more moves, no more dropping everything when the phone rang, and we knew daddy was coming home at night.  I never thought in a million years that one of those soldiers marching would be my own son years later.  I was a proud soldiers daughter (still am).  But I am an even prouder soldiers mom.  So, this year, I will celebrate with more pride, love, and adoration then I have ever felt.  Flags flying, tomorrow, will mean more then just a celebration of Independence.  They will mean a sense of duty, love, and family.  This feeling will be everyday, not just the holiday.  Some will see stars and stripes.  This Army Mom will see her sons face and feel the love that he has for this country.  Fire works will be more then loud, sparkly sounds of thunder in the dark.  They will be the twinkle my son had in his eyes the first time he put on that Army uniform.  And someday, with God's grace, he will be one of those veterans marching in the 4th of July parade.  Sounds corny?  Maybe...but it is how I feel.  I ask that you continue to pray for Dustin and the rest of the soldiers this holiday.  Truly, if it was not for them, we would not have reason to celebrate.  I pray for all the other soldiers out there...no matter where they are.  May God keep them safe.  And may their families know that there are people out there who care and are grateful for everything they have given.  I also would like to thank all of you have supported us through this.  We could never have imagined the kindness you have shown.  I added a picture of the banner that everyone signed for Dustin before he left.  It truly is amazing.  It also holds as a reminder of where he comes from.  He has stated that the names on this banner are more then just names...they are his family.  Happy Independence Day to you all.  Much love and many blessings!!!!