At Last...

The big day has come.  AIT graduation.  We are all so proud of him.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't upset about not being able to be there.  However, I am so excited that Paul, the kids, and mom and dad could be.  I have taken the time alone to do some much needed reflection.  This has been a long and difficult process.  Yet, somewhere in the midst of all of it, there is so much pride and love.  The last four months have proven to be an adjustment for everyone.  For Dustin, it is the transformation from High School Graduate to being a soldier of the U.S. Army.  A task he has embraced wholeheartedly.  It doesn't just change the soldier, though.  It changes the family too.  I have found that over the last four months many things come to light.  One is that some will criticize.  They do so because they do not understand.  They want you to explain the feelings you have or the actions you take into words.  However, the part they don't get is that is impossible to do.  You do the things you do, because it is all you have.  It's not like you can just through your arms around your child when times get bad.  You fear for their well-being and you fear for their life.  You see, if something happens to my son, it is because someone intentionally set out to hurt him for fighting for what he believes in.  That is still something that is very hard for me to swallow.  In the process you form friendships with those who are going through what you are and can understand what that feels like.  Now, that we are to this point, I have no regrets of starting this blog or doing anything I have.  I see how many it has touched (yes, I read every message) and value the friendships I have made along the way.  Most of all, I see the pride that it has brought my soldier.  If that makes me selfish, then so be it.   I am sure, to some, it does seem that way.  However, I will not apologize for making my son, or any of my children, my number one priority.  The biggest lesson I have learned is that people really do care.  They just don't always know how to show it.  Not just friends and family, but people as a whole.  They support and love all our troops.  If you give them a way or a voice, they will express how they feel and how much the appreciate our soldiers.  To those that have, we are so grateful.  You have shown us so much love and support.  We could never repay you for everything.  I don't think there is a time when Paul, I, or the two kids don't get asked about Dustin.  Most generally it comes with a thank you and a message to him to say thank you.  We always try to make sure he gets the message.  He can not wait to come home.  We are hoping he will be home for Christmas, but as with everything else, will not know for sure until he is at his first duty station and gets settled.  I have to tell you, knowing he will be in one place for longer then 10 weeks is nice.  Also, Shelby and I are very excited to be able to send him goodies, finally.  He loves his homemade cookies.  Ha!

This process does change you.  It changes you as a mom, as a family, and as a human being.  Eighteen years ago I never dreamed we would be at this point.  For some reason, it is where the Lord has led us.  He has shown us so many things through it all.  I am now a true believer that if there is something or someone you believe in, then you should take action and do what you can to support it.  Don't sit and wait for someone to come to you to ask for help.  Take it upon yourself to reach out.  You will be rewarded in ways you never imagined.  I have found so much happiness in supporting Dustin and his fellow soldiers, as well has their families.  Oh it has been challenging.  But I have found ways to deal with those challenges.  It's worth all of it.  I have always told my children to do what makes them happy in life.  Finally I am taking my own advice.  I am in the process of pursuing some of the things that make me happy.  I love helping others and I love writing.  There is no feeling better then getting a thank you from a soldier for a simple card, or the feeling that I get when another Army mom reads my blog and lets me know that she felt alone until she read my blog.  Words have so much power.  We often forget that.  They can hurt a great deal, even leave scars.  On the other hand, they can encourage, inspire, and take you places you never thought you would go.  I hope to accomplish that here.  I encourage you all to do the same.

The two kids were so excited to be able to see their brother.  I am sure he was just as excited to see them too.  We try to include him as much as possible through texting, photos, and phone calls so that he doesn't miss too much.  He is always on our minds.  The simplest things will bring random comments or thoughts.  They seem to come out of the blue.  Sometimes with laughter, sometimes with tears.  You can tell when he text or calls.  The mood in this house elevates so much.  Dustin is going to Fort Stewart, Georgia.  He sounds happy about it.  I am just grateful his boots will still be on US soil.  I do not have an address yet.  As soon as I do, I will let you all know.  He would love to hear from you, I am sure.  As I previously stated, hopefully he will be home at Christmas.  Congratulations to all the soldiers who graduated today from AIT!  We are all so proud of you.  As always thank you for everything.  Much love and many blessings!!!       

Lonely Sundays...

Well, it is quiet here.  Paul and the kids are gone today.  Some might think that this is a mom's dream come true.  A few hours of peace and some "Me time".  Today it really doesn't feel that way at all.  I am, once again, feeling under the weather.  No thanks to our wonderful Michigan climate changes.  Not really sure if that has anything to do with my mood today or not.  Yesterdays phone call from Dustin was so nice.  We  hadn't heard from him since their phones were taken away.  He told me he is going to Fort Stewart, Georgia.  Still a long way from home, but not so far that we won't be able to visit.  I just thank God for the fact that he is on the East side of the United States and there are no huge bodies of water in between.  However, Paul and I did some research last night, and it looks like Fort Stewart has a reputation for fast and frequent deployments.  It doesn't mean that Dustin is going to be deployed for sure, but it looks like it might be in the future.  He did say he was very happy with it.  I guess, in the long run, that is all that matters.  He is so content, right now.  I can hear all the excitement in his voice when he talks on the phone.  As a mother, it makes me so proud.  Not just because he is serving his country, but because he had the guts to just go for it and live his dream.  I don't know what the Lord has in store for him next.  I do know, however, he is ready to take it head on.  He graduates from AIT on Oct. 3, 2013.  It is still unclear whether or not he will have to stay in Fort Sill for BFIST training or go straight to Fort Stewart.  As with everything else, we will handle it when it comes.  Paul and I have adapted to the "No news is good news" way of life.  There seems to just be less disappointment that way. 

It would seem that I am not the only one in the house having a bit of a hard time these days.  Dylan and Shelby have also had more frequent "moments".  It is harder for them with school starting.  They are getting asked questions daily about how Dustin is, where he is going, and when he is coming home.  These are the same questions they have themselves.  It is hard when you don't have the answers yourself.  The y are getting through it.  Paul and I try to be there for those difficult moments.  It's hard as a parent, but it must be even worse on a child.  There is still so much they don't understand.  So many good and bad moments they want to share with him, but can't.  You can see the love and pride they carry for Dustin.  Dylan has been playing his heart out on that football field and getting ready for hunting season.  Two things he always shared with his older brother.  Shelby is getting on with her Senior year and has so many things she misses having Dustin here to help her with.  College applications, classes, and other things that seem to be easier to deal with when big brother is around.  It just breaks Paul's and my hearts to see the tears well up in their eyes when they have one of those moments.  then it is like a chain reaction.  After we are done trying to comfort them, we find ourselves trying to comfort ourselves and each other.  It's funny.  You sit and listen to everyone talk about their issues and problems.  How they wish their children could decide what they wanted to do.  Complain about how their child doesn't listen or pick up after themselves.  How they have all these things going on.  These are all things I have caught myself doing, at one time or another.  I look back now, and see how petty it all can be.  Someone actually said to me once, "At least your son has a plan for his life."  I wanted to say, "Yeah, but I would give anything to have him here to holler at for not picking his shoes up."  Then I think about how long it has been since I could give him a hug.  It has been since the middle of August, for me.  It has been since the beginning of June for Paul and the kids.  Trust me, you do keep track.  You think this way because you envy them to a certain degree.  You recognize how important those problems are to them and don't try to make light of them.  You try to support or help them through their issues, while secretly a part of you would give anything to have your son/daughter there to yell at.  Crazy, but true.

I think that God gives us the amount of strength we need as we go.  It doesn't get easier, you just learn to adapt in different ways to the stress and the worry.  Sometimes, a hug will do the trick.  Other times, you just need to hide in the bathroom and cry your eyes out.  But somehow, there is always a way to carry on and get through it.  I have definitely learned a lot over the course of the last 4 months.  The soldiers are not the only ones who come out of this changed and with a whole new perspective.  The families do to.  I sit and think about the one's who are just getting started.  It makes me realize how far we have come and how much we have already learned.  It's a lifestyle change, that is for sure.  You think twice about everything, if not more.  Simple things like the phones ringing have a whole new meaning.  You don't sweat over the house being spotless.  But you do go crazy if that mail carrier is late.  lol!!!  One very important thing you realize is that family goes way beyond blood lines.  Not just for us, but for our soldiers, as well.  The relationships they are developing now are unlike any they have ever experienced.  They will share so much together.  Things, we as family even, will never understand.  The crazy thing is...they don't expect us to "get it".  They just ask for us to support them.  That is what this Army mom has chose to do.  I am proud to be an Army mom.  I am proud that the day my son graduated from high school, he had U.S. Army on his graduation cap, while others had colleges or nothing at all.  I am proud that he wears his uniform wit pride, love, and respect.  Not just for his country, but for the people in it and their beliefs.  Much love and many blessings!!!!           

Keeping Busy...

Truly, this has been a hard day.  Not just because of the fact that it was 9-11, but because everywhere I looked there were constant reminders of the terror Dustin vowed to fight against.  Added to the fact that I was not able to communicate with him in anyway, and my worry-wart meter was in overdrive.  I know that it has been a while since I have posted.  To be honest, I have been trying to keep myself busy so I don't think about it.  Let me just catch everyone up.  Last Friday a soldier in Dustin's platoon threw a rock and hit another soldier in the face.  All this was taking place while we were texting each other.  From everything I was able to gather, when they asked who did it, no body owned up to it.  As punishment, they took the whole battery's phones and electronics.  Yes, even those who didn't have anything to do with it.  To add salt to the wound, they got their orders on Saturday, so we have no idea where he is going until he writes or calls.  Harsh?  Yes!  But as I have stated in the past, the Army has purpose for everything.  The individual or individuals have since come clean, but they still have to earn back their privileges.  Now, am I mad?  Absolutely.  Did I want to drive down there and ring the little hellions neck?  So bad I was shaking.  But more then anything, I was scared.  The young men my son is serving with are also the same men that will someday have his back.  Or, at least, that is the general hope.  I want to believe that if the time ever comes, someone will be there to fight for his life.  I know he would theirs.  So, while I don't like the idea that he had his phone taken away because of someone else's stunt, I understand what the Army is trying to teach these young men.  It goes way beyond how to drive a Bradley or shoot a gun.  It is deeper and more meaningful then that.  It is about being a brotherhood.  the phrase that comes to mind is "All for one, and one for all."  Funny thing is I used to use this phrase when I would talk to the three kids about how important having your brother/sisters back was.  Here Dustin is getting a first hand lesson. 

I have found much frustration comes from having him in AIT.  The amount of information about their activities and stuff is slow and very little.  I have decided that this is the Army's way of preparing the soldiers and their families for a lifestyle that is based on knowing what they need to know when it is needed.  Not a minute sooner, or a detail more.  I have accepted this.  Maybe it is because that is how I grew up.  Let's be honest, there may come a day that Dustin is called to go somewhere to do his job, and we won't know where he is or when he is coming home.  Furthermore, we probably won't hear from him much, if at all.  It's not a pleasant thought, but let me tell you something that makes it easier to deal with.  This would be the idea that it is what will keep him safe.  There was a phrase used at the orientation when Dustin went to AIT.  The gentleman stated, "The hunter now becomes the hunted."  It was hard to hear, but it was the truth.  I prefer that I not hear anything from him, and know that no news is good news, then to receive a dreaded knock at the door or phone call.  I know that there are those that will disagree with me.  That is fine.  We are all entitled to our opinions.  Dustin has applied for Air Assault training and B Fist training (doing his job inside a specialized Bradley).  It would be naive of me to think that he would never be in dangers way.  This is his job.  It is what he has been training to do and is proud to do.  As his mother, I can only support him.  I may not like it, but I do support him.  One thing I can honestly say that this has taught me...never pass the opportunity to tell someone you love them.  Not ever!!!  I don't care if they hurt your feelings or didn't remember your birthday, or whatever.  The chance to say "I love you" now, may not come soon or ever again, for that matter.  Be grateful for every second you have with them.  Because a second now, may not be present again.

As I have stated, I have been trying to keep myself busy.  We are pretty much all settled into the new house.  We have been here for a month and I have found some improved health has come with it.  I am by no means perfect, but I am much better then I have been in the past two or three years.  Just have to remember to not overdo it (easier said then done for me).  I have decided to start a candle business in order to help pay for care packages for soldiers.  If I had to be honest, I would have to say there was more purpose then that behind it.  I think that part of it is just a way to keep me busy.  I have so much more time on my hands with Dustin gone and the other two being older.  I needed something to do.  The other thing is just plain being able to be social again.  I am feeling healthy enough to finally be in the presence of people other then children, doctors, dogs, and my husband (God love his soul).  Not only does it help distract me, but just having adult female conversation again has been so good for my spirit.  We, as moms, forget how important and therapeutic it is to get together and have some quality "me time".  Dustin would laugh at me so hard, right now.  I always gave the boys heck for not being able to sit still well.  He would say the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree, and raise his eyebrows at me.  He was right.  I miss him so much it hurts.  We all do.  There is not a time of the day he doesn't cross our minds.  Sometimes, I will be sitting here and I just get this knot in the pit of my stomach from all the worry.  Other times, my heart just aches because I miss him so much.  I have shed so many tears, and at the most random times.  Shelby and Dylan have expressed that it is a little harder being in school.  They get asked questions about Dustin all the time.  Shelby's response is, "It's harder to ignore when you have to actually talk about it."  When they do have to talk about it, they are so proud.  they each have dog tags they wear everyday.  They wear them proudly and with so much love.  Never let it be said that my children do not love and care for each other.  Dustin even went so far as to arrange a shout out to his brother last Thursday night for his first home football game.  Dylan was already having such a great game.  That just made it even more special.  It was a precious meaningful moment shared with a community that has become our family in so many ways.  Even from thousands of miles away he is finding ways to keep in touch with his roots.  I am so proud of him.  He said something to me while he was in Basic that sticks with me.  He said, "Mom, I didn't think that many people cared that much."  I simply said, "Yup, this town is a lot to be proud of.  We are very blessed to call it home."  He agreed then, and still does now.  Our family appreciates everything you have done.  All the encouragement, concern, and love.  I will never ever be able to say thank you enough.  The thing is, this isn't just our families story.  It is the story of every military family out there (with a little variation).  So, please include them all in your prayers.  We will update everyone as soon as we know where Dustin is going.  If it is Hawaii, I am packing my bags too.  lol!!!  Just sayin'... Much love and many blessings!!!!!        

Reality Bites...

Well, all...I had been taking a much needed break.  It would seem that between moving, traveling, getting sick, and work.  I just over did it.  But with the recent events taking place in todays world, I feel my heart strings being pulled back to it.  First of all, you should all know that Dustin is doing very well.  He loves AIT, the Army, and the Army way of life.  Oklahoma...not so much.  But he knows it is temporary.  He should have his orders for his first duty station here in a week or two.  Then we will have a lot better idea of where he will be for a longer period of time.  AIT is so different from BCT.  In more ways then one.  Yet, in some ways the same.  The letter writing has pretty much come to a halt for him.  However, we text each other almost every night.  Which I almost prefer.  That is because it is real time and not about what happened a week ago.  Also, we are able to cheer each other up when we are having a bad moment.  Still no baked goods can be sent.  Health and fitness are an intricate part of their training.  Therefore, no sweets.  I must admit, it is killing me.  I love baking and can't wait to be able to send him stuff.  His favorite is homemade cookies (of just about any kind).  He did mention that he is going to try and put in for the holidays off when he gets to his first assignment.  Not sure if he will get it, but it would be so awesome to have him home.  Christmas is my favorite holiday.  The kids and Paul often make fun of me because I start planning for it so early.  No kidding...if I could keep my tree up year round, I would.  Unfortunately, people would think I had lost my mind if I did.  We all have our fetish.  Christmas is mine. 

You know I was starting to actually get used to all of this.  At least, I thought I was.  Then all of a sudden, Syria happened.  Unfortunately, my feelings of contentment were replaced with that of fear, worry, and sadness.  One minute everything is fine, the next minute I am sitting in front of CNN praying that the President will not be sending troops, with a box of Kleenex in one hand, and my Bible in the other.  It is an awful feeling.  I felt nauseous, antsy, and like someone had kicked me in the gut the entire time I was watching it.  Then a thought came to me.  If I was scared, what must an 18 year old soldier be going through.  I quickly texted him to see what he was doing.  He told me he was in his room.  When I asked him why he wasn't watching the news, his answer made me so proud and so sad at the same time.  He said, "Either way, I'll do what I got to do."  My son is not a little boy anymore, he is a man.  Not just any man.  He is an American Soldier, who has devoted his life and well being to this country and the people in it.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  It was one of the proudest yet saddest moments I think I have experienced through all this.  Yes, more then graduation and all that.  This was the moment it had all come full circle for me.  The moment that I realized what all the training, tears, sweat, and nights spent worrying were for.  It was also a reminder, that whether or not our troops are sent, they need and deserve our gratitude and support.  It is so easy to voice opinions and spout off, when you have no personal connection to it.  Do I want my son to go?  Heck no!!!  I saw what those biochemical did to those poor people.  It was awful.  Images I can't erase from my mind.  I don't want one of those people to be my son.  However, I accept that this is what he chose to do with his life.  I respect that, and made a promise.  I promised that I would support him and be the best darn Army mom I could be.  This is what an Army mom does.  It kills me deep inside.  It truly does.  If something does happen to him, it isn't like it was due to a long illness or even a freak accident.  It is because someone who hates him (and those like him) intentionally set out to harm him for what he believes in and stands up for.  Not a feeling I wish for anyone.  I may not agree with the politics.  But I love and support my son and those like him.  That is what matters.  On behalf of Military families everywhere, I ask that you do the same.  Their job is to follow out orders.  We ask that you support them, even if you don't agree with the politics.  They are doing what they have been trained to do.  They do it honorably, willingly, and with much pride.   Much love and many blessings!!!         

We Still Have A Long Way To Go...

Well, it's over.  He made it through BCT.  I can not tell you how very proud of him Paul and I are.  It is a bittersweet experience.  There is no greater feeling then watching your child live their dream.  However, there is no sadder feeling then the feeling you get when you must leave them with no real answers as to when you will see them again.  The last five days have been a roller coaster of emotions and activities.  Not even really sure that I can fit it all in one blog post.  One of my greatest moments was when I watched my son march across that stage.  There he was, not quite four months from the time he graduated from high school.  Only this time he was dressed in Army dress blues and not a cap and gown.  For any parent who has tried to sum that feeling up into words, it is hard.  The truth is, there isn't any.  You don't know whether to cry or to jump up and down.  All I wanted to do was to give him the biggest hug.  However, that was made impossible by the fact that they bused them off so quickly, we couldn't.  By the time we were able to get him for the night it was after 5:30.  We had dinner together and went back to the hotel to hang out.  Since my plane left around 10 A.M. on Saturday, we had to drop him off early.  I did manage to hold it together.  No tears...that is until after I dropped him off and exited the building.  At that moment, I felt a huge ache in my chest.  An emptiness that I couldn't get back.  All I wanted, at that point, was to run back, grab him, and stick him in the car with me.  But that, as we all know, was impossible.  So the next best thing was to have someone give me a hug and tell me everything was going to be okay.  All I needed was a moment to absorb the fact that I had just dropped my son off and was not sure if I would see him again in October or at Christmas or possibly even later.  Added to the pressure of having to break all that news to his family, I was completely overwhelmed.  I didn't need someone to compare it to something else or to make it about something else.  I just needed that few minutes to get my thoughts together and accept what was.  I needed that moment to be about me and my son.  That isn't what happened at all.  To top it all off, there was an Army Mom on the plane who got to bring her soldier home with her.  I was so jealous, and so mad at myself for feeling that way.  I was happy for her because she could bring him home, yet sad because I had to leave my soldier behind.  Did not help my situation, in the least bit.  So 10 hours and two plane rides later, I was finally in my husbands arms and broke down.  And I have still had my moments since then.  I will continue to have those moments, I am sure.  I have never tried to compare this situation to anyone else's or what I am feeling to anyone else.  I feel that every situation is different.  Please, understand, that my story is just that...my story.  I am sure there are Army Moms out there who experience it differently.  I carry so much pride, yet so much worry.  I worry because I am Dustin's mom.  It is my job to worry about him.  If there is one piece of advice I could give anyone, it is never let someone make you feel like worrying about your child is wrong or ridiculous.  No matter how old they are.  You are their mother.  If you didn't worry about them, there would definitely be something wrong.

When Dustin started his journey, I did not know how I would get through it.  I did not know a lot of other mothers who were going through the same as I was.  Then I found this wonderful group of ladies, who all had soldiers that were in BCT with Dustin.  We have seen each other through good times and bad.  We have sat up talking about so many other things besides our soldiers.  While we had formed an incredible friendship and bond online, we had never really met.  That is until this weekend.  I got to meet several of the Army Moms that I had been communicating with.  All I can say is that they are even more special then I thought.  These women and their soldiers have become a part of my daily life.  They are my Army family.  We have been through much together, and will continue to go through things together.  They are true, dear friends.  I have been so blessed to have met each and everyone of them.  They have not only helped me, but inspired me as well.  It was one simple act that led to making a couple of soldiers feel important and cared for that gave me the idea for Dustin's Journey and sponsoring soldiers.  They did it because they cared, not for any other reason.  Because they are good people, not just seeking accolades.  I believe that an Army Mom's love can go very far.  Far beyond the support and love of one soldier.  It can spread among dozens.  You may be asking if we will continue to communicate and be there for each other.  Yes, we will.  In fact, many of our soldiers are doing AIT together at Fort Sill.  God does work in mysterious ways.  That is for sure.

There are still many unanswered questions.  When is Dustin coming home?  What can we send him in AIT?  What happens after AIT?  Let me just say that the only answers I have, at this moment, are sketchy, at best.  More definite answers will come in 3-4 weeks when he gets his orders for his first duty station.  He may be home in October, if he is sent overseas.  At that time, we have been told it will only be for 5 days.  If he isn't sent overseas, he will probably not be home until Christmas.  He has expressed that this is the route in which he is leaning.  If he comes home in October, he just won't have a lot of time.  His current Graduation date is October 3, 2013.  So, he will miss Homecoming.  As for care packages, we are told they are not allowed to have treats in their rooms.  Therefore, we ask that until we are given the okay from Dustin, you not send them.  AIT is not the same as basic training.  However, we were told that the physical training is intense, the standards are higher, and they want them in the best shape possible.  Energy drinks, fast food, and basically, any other form of junk food is discouraged.  Some have made comments about the size of Dustin's arms.  Well, watch out, because the Army isn't done with him yet.  Other details will come with other blog posts.  As I stated, there were many things to tell.  But for now, we feel it is important for you to all understand that he is happy.  In fact, I don't think I have ever seen him so focused, relaxed, content, and just plain ecstatic about anything in his life.  We owe you all so much.  Your love and support have been nothing short of amazing.  Your love and support for him (as well as other soldiers) have made my family so proud of where we come from.  Again we love and thank you all from the bottom of our hearts.  Much love and many blessings.         

It All Comes Full Cricle...

Got a letter today from our soldier.  You know those moments that you hear about.  You know the ones.  The ones when you realize that all those hours of worry, constant badgering, arguing, and everything else was worth it.  The moment all the responsibilities of being a parent payoff.  I'm not talking about the moments when they graduate from high school, find the job of their dreams, get married, or anything like that.  I'm talking about the moment you realize your child "gets it".  Yup, well that moment came to me today in the form of a letter.  This was the longest letter he had written, to date.  As always, he went on to say he was excited for graduation and that he loved what he was doing.  He passed his final PT exam with flying colors.  He wrote that he missed everyone so much.  It was what came after all that made me a complete mess.  Now, let me just say that I know my son has never been a saint.  I mean, he is a good kid, but like with every teen, we have had our concerns and battles where certain things come into play.  As I read this letter, it became perfectly clear that many of those concerns would be put to rest.  He wrote about how much he appreciated everything that mom and dad had done for him.  He went on to say that he still had a lot of growing up to do, but that he had become the man and soldier he is today because of everything I had taught him.  I don't have to tell you how much that meant to me.  This was the first time he had ever said something like that to me.  Oh sure, it's always been implied...but never actually put into words.  As parents, we look for validation.  Not just from our peers, but from our children.  Validation that we did everything right.  That we didn't "mess up", so to speak.  I have to tell you that no validation, from peers, even comes close to that of hearing it from your own child.  When I was diagnosed, I worried so much.  Worried that my children would suffer.  Paul and I did everything in our power to keep them as unaffected by it as possible.  If truth be told, a tiny part of me thought maybe Dustin joined the Army to get away from it.  Although, he has always wanted to join the Army, I thought maybe he had also seen it as a ticket out.  That wasn't the case, at all.  He joined for many reasons, but one was because Paul and I have always encouraged the kids to follow their dreams.  We also always taught never to take things for granted.  Not friends, family, just life in general.  He proved in this letter that he is so grateful.  He has never been good at expressing his feelings.  He has always been a boy of few words.  I think many teenage boys are (or full grown men, for that matter).  As I read the letter, the tears started falling.  In fact, Shelby made the comment to Paul, "She made it two days."  Ha!  Then when Dylan read it, he stated, "Yup, that made mom cry."  That is just a testament to how this past 8-10 weeks as been.  But all those tears and worries were validated by my sons, almost 4 page, letter today.

I have learned that the Army doesn't just change the soldier, it changes the entire family, as well.  The family bonds become closer and stronger.  I have often heard people make the comment, "It's too bad you can't pick your family members."  I think to myself, would these people think differently if they didn't have any family?  I, along with other Army Moms, have been writing encouraging letters and cards to some of the soldiers in training that have no family to support them.  I could not imagine what it would be like to go through something like BCT without the love and support that one needs.  Some have wrote back and stated what a blessing it has been to them.  What they don't understand, is that it is just as much a blessing for me, as it is them.  It has brought me closer to the other Army moms, to the soldiers, and to my son.  Money can't buy the type of happiness these precious gifts have brought me.  the Lord works in the most peculiar ways sometimes.  In the beginning, it was just about Dustin joining the Army and how I was going to deal with it.  Has time as gone on, I see that God's plan wasn't just for Dustin to grow, but for this Army Mom to grow, as well.  It helped me realize, that no matter the obstacles or disabilities, a person can make difference in someone's life.  It has also shown me that, if you open yourself up to it, others can make a difference in your life.  I was scared of my pending disability.  Now, I accept it and know that it doesn't mean that I can't still live a productive rewarding life.  It doesn't define me as a person, and certainly not as a mother. 

So, the next two weeks are going to be crazy in the Crowl household.  First of all, we got the house we have been waiting on for like four months.  We sign papers and , hopefully, get the keys on Friday afternoon.  I can't tell you how happy and reassuring it is for me.  However, I will be on pins and needles till it is done and those keys are in my hands.  It gives us approximately 8 weeks to get everything settled and plan for Dustin to come home on leave.  On the 15th of this month, Paul or I will be headed to Oklahoma to see our son graduate from BCT.  I was planning on going, but given my body's unfortunate timing, am not sure if I can get the time off to go.  So, Paul will go in my place.  It is sad, but a reality that can't be avoided.  Besides that, Paul deserves to be there just as much as I do.  What a proud moment for him to be able and see his son graduate from BCT.  There is school starting soon, Football starting, Shelby's Senior pictures to get scheduled, and Dustin's Journey to run.  So, we will be anything but bored.  I am sure it will be crazy, but we will get through it.  You have all been so supportive and given so much of yourselves to our family.  Some have even volunteered to sponsor soldiers through Dustin's Journey.  I could never tell you what this means to me, to other Army moms and soldiers, and to Dustin.  Just when I think this little town could not possibly show anymore love and kindness, you prove me wrong.  You are all so wonderful.  You see, Dustin and I have seen more then ourselves grow through this process.  We have seen our community grow.  We have seen you all show, not just us, but soldiers and families thousands of miles away how a small town can make a difference.  You have given so much of yourselves, I could never repay it.  Paul and I are proud of our son, but we are proud of where we come from, as well.  there isn't any love like that of community.  Because in the end, they are your family.  much love and many blessings!!!                                    

Reaching Back...

Well, it has been a very long week.  I can't even begin to describe the roller coaster that has taken place in this house.  First, we had a house, then we didn't.  Then we had a house, again.  Now we are just waiting to close on Friday.  Paul and I are trying not to get too excited due to everything we have been through.  So, come next Friday, when the papers are signed and the keys are in my hand...I will rejoice.  I hadn't received a letter from Dustin all week.  I didn't really expect to with him being in sick bay.  But today, not only did we receive a letter from him, but from a young gentleman who we sent a care package to.  I can not tell you the excitement and the sheer feeling of contentment that overtook me.  It is amazing that such a small act of kindness can develop into so much more.  The soldiers letter was short.  He simply stated that he was grateful and that I didn't have to send him anything.  He must have spoken to Dustin, because he sated he knew I would anyway.  the most touching part of this whole thing was the picture he added to the letter for Dylan.  It was drawn in pen.  Talk about making a fourteen year old boys day.  Just last night, Dylan yelled out in his sleep, "Shelby, Dustin called."  In his sleep!  Poor kid misses his brother so much.  As far as I am concerned, that care package was worth everything to see the smile on my boys face.  The soldier simply thanked me, but what he doesn't realize is that, I am the one who should be doing the thanking.  Since this whole thing has started, I have learned so much.  Not just about the other soldiers and their families, but myself, as well.  It is amazing what happens to a person when they open their heart and their mind to giving.  This was so apparent as the day went on.  Post after post from other Army Moms with soldiers in Fort Sill indicated that I was not the only one who got my thank you today.  All I can say is these young men and women are so incredible.  When I set out to write them all, I did it just to say thank you.  I wanted them to know that someone cared.  I did not expect anything in return.  Neither did any of the other mothers.  However, many of the soldiers have done that, and then some.  They have sent letters thanking us.  You see, it isn't about the thank you.  Not for us.  It is about the fact that many of them are starting to see that they matter to someone.  It's about them reaching back.  It's about them letting us know that we are making a difference.  I remember telling my husband and my family that if I only made one soldier smile, out of all those letters, I would be happy.  That was enough for me to keep doing it.  That is all I wanted...to brighten a soldiers day.  What I didn't expect was the emotions it brought out in me.  I went from feeling like a helpless Army Mom, with nothing but sadness, to appreciated and valued.  More then anything, I have a purpose.  Much like my son's purpose is to protect and serve this country.  My duty is to protect and serve those that do just that.  It is what we military families do.  Because in the end, that is what we are.  We are one big, supportive, awesome family.  I have managed to find sponsors for 12 soldiers through Dustin's Journey.  Each match I make is like a special gift I have been blessed with.  It isn't much, and Dustin's Journey has a long way to go, but it is a start.  I hope the start to something great.  I never want a soldier to feel as if they sacrificed themselves for nothing.  That they had no one to get them through their darkest times.  If anything ever happens to me, I need to know that someone has my soldiers back.  It's a big job, but it is worth the challenge.  We all need someone. 

Dustin's letter was short, as they mostly are.  He sounds very excited about graduating.  He has come so far in such a short period of time.  Paul and I are so proud of him.  He is doing what most won't.  More then that, he is loving every minute of it.  He will do great things.  He will do them with great people by his side.  They will all have a supportive family to stand behind them and say, "I got your back."  Nothing means more to an Army Mom then that.  In two weeks, we will be standing there watching, as the kids we sent far from home, march as grown men and women.  They will march with pride, honor, and a sense of accomplishment.  They are no longer children.  They are the men and women that make up the U.S Army.  They are our sense of pride, love, and accomplishment.  We gladly give them to you.  All we ask is that you take care of them, the way they are taking care of you!  Much love and many blessings!