Well, it is quiet here. Paul and the kids are gone today. Some might think that this is a mom's dream come true. A few hours of peace and some "Me time". Today it really doesn't feel that way at all. I am, once again, feeling under the weather. No thanks to our wonderful Michigan climate changes. Not really sure if that has anything to do with my mood today or not. Yesterdays phone call from Dustin was so nice. We hadn't heard from him since their phones were taken away. He told me he is going to Fort Stewart, Georgia. Still a long way from home, but not so far that we won't be able to visit. I just thank God for the fact that he is on the East side of the United States and there are no huge bodies of water in between. However, Paul and I did some research last night, and it looks like Fort Stewart has a reputation for fast and frequent deployments. It doesn't mean that Dustin is going to be deployed for sure, but it looks like it might be in the future. He did say he was very happy with it. I guess, in the long run, that is all that matters. He is so content, right now. I can hear all the excitement in his voice when he talks on the phone. As a mother, it makes me so proud. Not just because he is serving his country, but because he had the guts to just go for it and live his dream. I don't know what the Lord has in store for him next. I do know, however, he is ready to take it head on. He graduates from AIT on Oct. 3, 2013. It is still unclear whether or not he will have to stay in Fort Sill for BFIST training or go straight to Fort Stewart. As with everything else, we will handle it when it comes. Paul and I have adapted to the "No news is good news" way of life. There seems to just be less disappointment that way.
It would seem that I am not the only one in the house having a bit of a hard time these days. Dylan and Shelby have also had more frequent "moments". It is harder for them with school starting. They are getting asked questions daily about how Dustin is, where he is going, and when he is coming home. These are the same questions they have themselves. It is hard when you don't have the answers yourself. The y are getting through it. Paul and I try to be there for those difficult moments. It's hard as a parent, but it must be even worse on a child. There is still so much they don't understand. So many good and bad moments they want to share with him, but can't. You can see the love and pride they carry for Dustin. Dylan has been playing his heart out on that football field and getting ready for hunting season. Two things he always shared with his older brother. Shelby is getting on with her Senior year and has so many things she misses having Dustin here to help her with. College applications, classes, and other things that seem to be easier to deal with when big brother is around. It just breaks Paul's and my hearts to see the tears well up in their eyes when they have one of those moments. then it is like a chain reaction. After we are done trying to comfort them, we find ourselves trying to comfort ourselves and each other. It's funny. You sit and listen to everyone talk about their issues and problems. How they wish their children could decide what they wanted to do. Complain about how their child doesn't listen or pick up after themselves. How they have all these things going on. These are all things I have caught myself doing, at one time or another. I look back now, and see how petty it all can be. Someone actually said to me once, "At least your son has a plan for his life." I wanted to say, "Yeah, but I would give anything to have him here to holler at for not picking his shoes up." Then I think about how long it has been since I could give him a hug. It has been since the middle of August, for me. It has been since the beginning of June for Paul and the kids. Trust me, you do keep track. You think this way because you envy them to a certain degree. You recognize how important those problems are to them and don't try to make light of them. You try to support or help them through their issues, while secretly a part of you would give anything to have your son/daughter there to yell at. Crazy, but true.
I think that God gives us the amount of strength we need as we go. It doesn't get easier, you just learn to adapt in different ways to the stress and the worry. Sometimes, a hug will do the trick. Other times, you just need to hide in the bathroom and cry your eyes out. But somehow, there is always a way to carry on and get through it. I have definitely learned a lot over the course of the last 4 months. The soldiers are not the only ones who come out of this changed and with a whole new perspective. The families do to. I sit and think about the one's who are just getting started. It makes me realize how far we have come and how much we have already learned. It's a lifestyle change, that is for sure. You think twice about everything, if not more. Simple things like the phones ringing have a whole new meaning. You don't sweat over the house being spotless. But you do go crazy if that mail carrier is late. lol!!! One very important thing you realize is that family goes way beyond blood lines. Not just for us, but for our soldiers, as well. The relationships they are developing now are unlike any they have ever experienced. They will share so much together. Things, we as family even, will never understand. The crazy thing is...they don't expect us to "get it". They just ask for us to support them. That is what this Army mom has chose to do. I am proud to be an Army mom. I am proud that the day my son graduated from high school, he had U.S. Army on his graduation cap, while others had colleges or nothing at all. I am proud that he wears his uniform wit pride, love, and respect. Not just for his country, but for the people in it and their beliefs. Much love and many blessings!!!!
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