We Still Have A Long Way To Go...

Well, it's over.  He made it through BCT.  I can not tell you how very proud of him Paul and I are.  It is a bittersweet experience.  There is no greater feeling then watching your child live their dream.  However, there is no sadder feeling then the feeling you get when you must leave them with no real answers as to when you will see them again.  The last five days have been a roller coaster of emotions and activities.  Not even really sure that I can fit it all in one blog post.  One of my greatest moments was when I watched my son march across that stage.  There he was, not quite four months from the time he graduated from high school.  Only this time he was dressed in Army dress blues and not a cap and gown.  For any parent who has tried to sum that feeling up into words, it is hard.  The truth is, there isn't any.  You don't know whether to cry or to jump up and down.  All I wanted to do was to give him the biggest hug.  However, that was made impossible by the fact that they bused them off so quickly, we couldn't.  By the time we were able to get him for the night it was after 5:30.  We had dinner together and went back to the hotel to hang out.  Since my plane left around 10 A.M. on Saturday, we had to drop him off early.  I did manage to hold it together.  No tears...that is until after I dropped him off and exited the building.  At that moment, I felt a huge ache in my chest.  An emptiness that I couldn't get back.  All I wanted, at that point, was to run back, grab him, and stick him in the car with me.  But that, as we all know, was impossible.  So the next best thing was to have someone give me a hug and tell me everything was going to be okay.  All I needed was a moment to absorb the fact that I had just dropped my son off and was not sure if I would see him again in October or at Christmas or possibly even later.  Added to the pressure of having to break all that news to his family, I was completely overwhelmed.  I didn't need someone to compare it to something else or to make it about something else.  I just needed that few minutes to get my thoughts together and accept what was.  I needed that moment to be about me and my son.  That isn't what happened at all.  To top it all off, there was an Army Mom on the plane who got to bring her soldier home with her.  I was so jealous, and so mad at myself for feeling that way.  I was happy for her because she could bring him home, yet sad because I had to leave my soldier behind.  Did not help my situation, in the least bit.  So 10 hours and two plane rides later, I was finally in my husbands arms and broke down.  And I have still had my moments since then.  I will continue to have those moments, I am sure.  I have never tried to compare this situation to anyone else's or what I am feeling to anyone else.  I feel that every situation is different.  Please, understand, that my story is just that...my story.  I am sure there are Army Moms out there who experience it differently.  I carry so much pride, yet so much worry.  I worry because I am Dustin's mom.  It is my job to worry about him.  If there is one piece of advice I could give anyone, it is never let someone make you feel like worrying about your child is wrong or ridiculous.  No matter how old they are.  You are their mother.  If you didn't worry about them, there would definitely be something wrong.

When Dustin started his journey, I did not know how I would get through it.  I did not know a lot of other mothers who were going through the same as I was.  Then I found this wonderful group of ladies, who all had soldiers that were in BCT with Dustin.  We have seen each other through good times and bad.  We have sat up talking about so many other things besides our soldiers.  While we had formed an incredible friendship and bond online, we had never really met.  That is until this weekend.  I got to meet several of the Army Moms that I had been communicating with.  All I can say is that they are even more special then I thought.  These women and their soldiers have become a part of my daily life.  They are my Army family.  We have been through much together, and will continue to go through things together.  They are true, dear friends.  I have been so blessed to have met each and everyone of them.  They have not only helped me, but inspired me as well.  It was one simple act that led to making a couple of soldiers feel important and cared for that gave me the idea for Dustin's Journey and sponsoring soldiers.  They did it because they cared, not for any other reason.  Because they are good people, not just seeking accolades.  I believe that an Army Mom's love can go very far.  Far beyond the support and love of one soldier.  It can spread among dozens.  You may be asking if we will continue to communicate and be there for each other.  Yes, we will.  In fact, many of our soldiers are doing AIT together at Fort Sill.  God does work in mysterious ways.  That is for sure.

There are still many unanswered questions.  When is Dustin coming home?  What can we send him in AIT?  What happens after AIT?  Let me just say that the only answers I have, at this moment, are sketchy, at best.  More definite answers will come in 3-4 weeks when he gets his orders for his first duty station.  He may be home in October, if he is sent overseas.  At that time, we have been told it will only be for 5 days.  If he isn't sent overseas, he will probably not be home until Christmas.  He has expressed that this is the route in which he is leaning.  If he comes home in October, he just won't have a lot of time.  His current Graduation date is October 3, 2013.  So, he will miss Homecoming.  As for care packages, we are told they are not allowed to have treats in their rooms.  Therefore, we ask that until we are given the okay from Dustin, you not send them.  AIT is not the same as basic training.  However, we were told that the physical training is intense, the standards are higher, and they want them in the best shape possible.  Energy drinks, fast food, and basically, any other form of junk food is discouraged.  Some have made comments about the size of Dustin's arms.  Well, watch out, because the Army isn't done with him yet.  Other details will come with other blog posts.  As I stated, there were many things to tell.  But for now, we feel it is important for you to all understand that he is happy.  In fact, I don't think I have ever seen him so focused, relaxed, content, and just plain ecstatic about anything in his life.  We owe you all so much.  Your love and support have been nothing short of amazing.  Your love and support for him (as well as other soldiers) have made my family so proud of where we come from.  Again we love and thank you all from the bottom of our hearts.  Much love and many blessings.