Well, it is quiet here. Paul and the kids are gone today. Some might think that this is a mom's dream come true. A few hours of peace and some "Me time". Today it really doesn't feel that way at all. I am, once again, feeling under the weather. No thanks to our wonderful Michigan climate changes. Not really sure if that has anything to do with my mood today or not. Yesterdays phone call from Dustin was so nice. We hadn't heard from him since their phones were taken away. He told me he is going to Fort Stewart, Georgia. Still a long way from home, but not so far that we won't be able to visit. I just thank God for the fact that he is on the East side of the United States and there are no huge bodies of water in between. However, Paul and I did some research last night, and it looks like Fort Stewart has a reputation for fast and frequent deployments. It doesn't mean that Dustin is going to be deployed for sure, but it looks like it might be in the future. He did say he was very happy with it. I guess, in the long run, that is all that matters. He is so content, right now. I can hear all the excitement in his voice when he talks on the phone. As a mother, it makes me so proud. Not just because he is serving his country, but because he had the guts to just go for it and live his dream. I don't know what the Lord has in store for him next. I do know, however, he is ready to take it head on. He graduates from AIT on Oct. 3, 2013. It is still unclear whether or not he will have to stay in Fort Sill for BFIST training or go straight to Fort Stewart. As with everything else, we will handle it when it comes. Paul and I have adapted to the "No news is good news" way of life. There seems to just be less disappointment that way.
It would seem that I am not the only one in the house having a bit of a hard time these days. Dylan and Shelby have also had more frequent "moments". It is harder for them with school starting. They are getting asked questions daily about how Dustin is, where he is going, and when he is coming home. These are the same questions they have themselves. It is hard when you don't have the answers yourself. The y are getting through it. Paul and I try to be there for those difficult moments. It's hard as a parent, but it must be even worse on a child. There is still so much they don't understand. So many good and bad moments they want to share with him, but can't. You can see the love and pride they carry for Dustin. Dylan has been playing his heart out on that football field and getting ready for hunting season. Two things he always shared with his older brother. Shelby is getting on with her Senior year and has so many things she misses having Dustin here to help her with. College applications, classes, and other things that seem to be easier to deal with when big brother is around. It just breaks Paul's and my hearts to see the tears well up in their eyes when they have one of those moments. then it is like a chain reaction. After we are done trying to comfort them, we find ourselves trying to comfort ourselves and each other. It's funny. You sit and listen to everyone talk about their issues and problems. How they wish their children could decide what they wanted to do. Complain about how their child doesn't listen or pick up after themselves. How they have all these things going on. These are all things I have caught myself doing, at one time or another. I look back now, and see how petty it all can be. Someone actually said to me once, "At least your son has a plan for his life." I wanted to say, "Yeah, but I would give anything to have him here to holler at for not picking his shoes up." Then I think about how long it has been since I could give him a hug. It has been since the middle of August, for me. It has been since the beginning of June for Paul and the kids. Trust me, you do keep track. You think this way because you envy them to a certain degree. You recognize how important those problems are to them and don't try to make light of them. You try to support or help them through their issues, while secretly a part of you would give anything to have your son/daughter there to yell at. Crazy, but true.
I think that God gives us the amount of strength we need as we go. It doesn't get easier, you just learn to adapt in different ways to the stress and the worry. Sometimes, a hug will do the trick. Other times, you just need to hide in the bathroom and cry your eyes out. But somehow, there is always a way to carry on and get through it. I have definitely learned a lot over the course of the last 4 months. The soldiers are not the only ones who come out of this changed and with a whole new perspective. The families do to. I sit and think about the one's who are just getting started. It makes me realize how far we have come and how much we have already learned. It's a lifestyle change, that is for sure. You think twice about everything, if not more. Simple things like the phones ringing have a whole new meaning. You don't sweat over the house being spotless. But you do go crazy if that mail carrier is late. lol!!! One very important thing you realize is that family goes way beyond blood lines. Not just for us, but for our soldiers, as well. The relationships they are developing now are unlike any they have ever experienced. They will share so much together. Things, we as family even, will never understand. The crazy thing is...they don't expect us to "get it". They just ask for us to support them. That is what this Army mom has chose to do. I am proud to be an Army mom. I am proud that the day my son graduated from high school, he had U.S. Army on his graduation cap, while others had colleges or nothing at all. I am proud that he wears his uniform wit pride, love, and respect. Not just for his country, but for the people in it and their beliefs. Much love and many blessings!!!!
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Keeping Busy...
Truly, this has been a hard day. Not just because of the fact that it was 9-11, but because everywhere I looked there were constant reminders of the terror Dustin vowed to fight against. Added to the fact that I was not able to communicate with him in anyway, and my worry-wart meter was in overdrive. I know that it has been a while since I have posted. To be honest, I have been trying to keep myself busy so I don't think about it. Let me just catch everyone up. Last Friday a soldier in Dustin's platoon threw a rock and hit another soldier in the face. All this was taking place while we were texting each other. From everything I was able to gather, when they asked who did it, no body owned up to it. As punishment, they took the whole battery's phones and electronics. Yes, even those who didn't have anything to do with it. To add salt to the wound, they got their orders on Saturday, so we have no idea where he is going until he writes or calls. Harsh? Yes! But as I have stated in the past, the Army has purpose for everything. The individual or individuals have since come clean, but they still have to earn back their privileges. Now, am I mad? Absolutely. Did I want to drive down there and ring the little hellions neck? So bad I was shaking. But more then anything, I was scared. The young men my son is serving with are also the same men that will someday have his back. Or, at least, that is the general hope. I want to believe that if the time ever comes, someone will be there to fight for his life. I know he would theirs. So, while I don't like the idea that he had his phone taken away because of someone else's stunt, I understand what the Army is trying to teach these young men. It goes way beyond how to drive a Bradley or shoot a gun. It is deeper and more meaningful then that. It is about being a brotherhood. the phrase that comes to mind is "All for one, and one for all." Funny thing is I used to use this phrase when I would talk to the three kids about how important having your brother/sisters back was. Here Dustin is getting a first hand lesson.
I have found much frustration comes from having him in AIT. The amount of information about their activities and stuff is slow and very little. I have decided that this is the Army's way of preparing the soldiers and their families for a lifestyle that is based on knowing what they need to know when it is needed. Not a minute sooner, or a detail more. I have accepted this. Maybe it is because that is how I grew up. Let's be honest, there may come a day that Dustin is called to go somewhere to do his job, and we won't know where he is or when he is coming home. Furthermore, we probably won't hear from him much, if at all. It's not a pleasant thought, but let me tell you something that makes it easier to deal with. This would be the idea that it is what will keep him safe. There was a phrase used at the orientation when Dustin went to AIT. The gentleman stated, "The hunter now becomes the hunted." It was hard to hear, but it was the truth. I prefer that I not hear anything from him, and know that no news is good news, then to receive a dreaded knock at the door or phone call. I know that there are those that will disagree with me. That is fine. We are all entitled to our opinions. Dustin has applied for Air Assault training and B Fist training (doing his job inside a specialized Bradley). It would be naive of me to think that he would never be in dangers way. This is his job. It is what he has been training to do and is proud to do. As his mother, I can only support him. I may not like it, but I do support him. One thing I can honestly say that this has taught me...never pass the opportunity to tell someone you love them. Not ever!!! I don't care if they hurt your feelings or didn't remember your birthday, or whatever. The chance to say "I love you" now, may not come soon or ever again, for that matter. Be grateful for every second you have with them. Because a second now, may not be present again.
As I have stated, I have been trying to keep myself busy. We are pretty much all settled into the new house. We have been here for a month and I have found some improved health has come with it. I am by no means perfect, but I am much better then I have been in the past two or three years. Just have to remember to not overdo it (easier said then done for me). I have decided to start a candle business in order to help pay for care packages for soldiers. If I had to be honest, I would have to say there was more purpose then that behind it. I think that part of it is just a way to keep me busy. I have so much more time on my hands with Dustin gone and the other two being older. I needed something to do. The other thing is just plain being able to be social again. I am feeling healthy enough to finally be in the presence of people other then children, doctors, dogs, and my husband (God love his soul). Not only does it help distract me, but just having adult female conversation again has been so good for my spirit. We, as moms, forget how important and therapeutic it is to get together and have some quality "me time". Dustin would laugh at me so hard, right now. I always gave the boys heck for not being able to sit still well. He would say the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree, and raise his eyebrows at me. He was right. I miss him so much it hurts. We all do. There is not a time of the day he doesn't cross our minds. Sometimes, I will be sitting here and I just get this knot in the pit of my stomach from all the worry. Other times, my heart just aches because I miss him so much. I have shed so many tears, and at the most random times. Shelby and Dylan have expressed that it is a little harder being in school. They get asked questions about Dustin all the time. Shelby's response is, "It's harder to ignore when you have to actually talk about it." When they do have to talk about it, they are so proud. they each have dog tags they wear everyday. They wear them proudly and with so much love. Never let it be said that my children do not love and care for each other. Dustin even went so far as to arrange a shout out to his brother last Thursday night for his first home football game. Dylan was already having such a great game. That just made it even more special. It was a precious meaningful moment shared with a community that has become our family in so many ways. Even from thousands of miles away he is finding ways to keep in touch with his roots. I am so proud of him. He said something to me while he was in Basic that sticks with me. He said, "Mom, I didn't think that many people cared that much." I simply said, "Yup, this town is a lot to be proud of. We are very blessed to call it home." He agreed then, and still does now. Our family appreciates everything you have done. All the encouragement, concern, and love. I will never ever be able to say thank you enough. The thing is, this isn't just our families story. It is the story of every military family out there (with a little variation). So, please include them all in your prayers. We will update everyone as soon as we know where Dustin is going. If it is Hawaii, I am packing my bags too. lol!!! Just sayin'... Much love and many blessings!!!!!
I have found much frustration comes from having him in AIT. The amount of information about their activities and stuff is slow and very little. I have decided that this is the Army's way of preparing the soldiers and their families for a lifestyle that is based on knowing what they need to know when it is needed. Not a minute sooner, or a detail more. I have accepted this. Maybe it is because that is how I grew up. Let's be honest, there may come a day that Dustin is called to go somewhere to do his job, and we won't know where he is or when he is coming home. Furthermore, we probably won't hear from him much, if at all. It's not a pleasant thought, but let me tell you something that makes it easier to deal with. This would be the idea that it is what will keep him safe. There was a phrase used at the orientation when Dustin went to AIT. The gentleman stated, "The hunter now becomes the hunted." It was hard to hear, but it was the truth. I prefer that I not hear anything from him, and know that no news is good news, then to receive a dreaded knock at the door or phone call. I know that there are those that will disagree with me. That is fine. We are all entitled to our opinions. Dustin has applied for Air Assault training and B Fist training (doing his job inside a specialized Bradley). It would be naive of me to think that he would never be in dangers way. This is his job. It is what he has been training to do and is proud to do. As his mother, I can only support him. I may not like it, but I do support him. One thing I can honestly say that this has taught me...never pass the opportunity to tell someone you love them. Not ever!!! I don't care if they hurt your feelings or didn't remember your birthday, or whatever. The chance to say "I love you" now, may not come soon or ever again, for that matter. Be grateful for every second you have with them. Because a second now, may not be present again.
As I have stated, I have been trying to keep myself busy. We are pretty much all settled into the new house. We have been here for a month and I have found some improved health has come with it. I am by no means perfect, but I am much better then I have been in the past two or three years. Just have to remember to not overdo it (easier said then done for me). I have decided to start a candle business in order to help pay for care packages for soldiers. If I had to be honest, I would have to say there was more purpose then that behind it. I think that part of it is just a way to keep me busy. I have so much more time on my hands with Dustin gone and the other two being older. I needed something to do. The other thing is just plain being able to be social again. I am feeling healthy enough to finally be in the presence of people other then children, doctors, dogs, and my husband (God love his soul). Not only does it help distract me, but just having adult female conversation again has been so good for my spirit. We, as moms, forget how important and therapeutic it is to get together and have some quality "me time". Dustin would laugh at me so hard, right now. I always gave the boys heck for not being able to sit still well. He would say the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree, and raise his eyebrows at me. He was right. I miss him so much it hurts. We all do. There is not a time of the day he doesn't cross our minds. Sometimes, I will be sitting here and I just get this knot in the pit of my stomach from all the worry. Other times, my heart just aches because I miss him so much. I have shed so many tears, and at the most random times. Shelby and Dylan have expressed that it is a little harder being in school. They get asked questions about Dustin all the time. Shelby's response is, "It's harder to ignore when you have to actually talk about it." When they do have to talk about it, they are so proud. they each have dog tags they wear everyday. They wear them proudly and with so much love. Never let it be said that my children do not love and care for each other. Dustin even went so far as to arrange a shout out to his brother last Thursday night for his first home football game. Dylan was already having such a great game. That just made it even more special. It was a precious meaningful moment shared with a community that has become our family in so many ways. Even from thousands of miles away he is finding ways to keep in touch with his roots. I am so proud of him. He said something to me while he was in Basic that sticks with me. He said, "Mom, I didn't think that many people cared that much." I simply said, "Yup, this town is a lot to be proud of. We are very blessed to call it home." He agreed then, and still does now. Our family appreciates everything you have done. All the encouragement, concern, and love. I will never ever be able to say thank you enough. The thing is, this isn't just our families story. It is the story of every military family out there (with a little variation). So, please include them all in your prayers. We will update everyone as soon as we know where Dustin is going. If it is Hawaii, I am packing my bags too. lol!!! Just sayin'... Much love and many blessings!!!!!
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Reality Bites...
Well, all...I had been taking a much needed break. It would seem that between moving, traveling, getting sick, and work. I just over did it. But with the recent events taking place in todays world, I feel my heart strings being pulled back to it. First of all, you should all know that Dustin is doing very well. He loves AIT, the Army, and the Army way of life. Oklahoma...not so much. But he knows it is temporary. He should have his orders for his first duty station here in a week or two. Then we will have a lot better idea of where he will be for a longer period of time. AIT is so different from BCT. In more ways then one. Yet, in some ways the same. The letter writing has pretty much come to a halt for him. However, we text each other almost every night. Which I almost prefer. That is because it is real time and not about what happened a week ago. Also, we are able to cheer each other up when we are having a bad moment. Still no baked goods can be sent. Health and fitness are an intricate part of their training. Therefore, no sweets. I must admit, it is killing me. I love baking and can't wait to be able to send him stuff. His favorite is homemade cookies (of just about any kind). He did mention that he is going to try and put in for the holidays off when he gets to his first assignment. Not sure if he will get it, but it would be so awesome to have him home. Christmas is my favorite holiday. The kids and Paul often make fun of me because I start planning for it so early. No kidding...if I could keep my tree up year round, I would. Unfortunately, people would think I had lost my mind if I did. We all have our fetish. Christmas is mine.
You know I was starting to actually get used to all of this. At least, I thought I was. Then all of a sudden, Syria happened. Unfortunately, my feelings of contentment were replaced with that of fear, worry, and sadness. One minute everything is fine, the next minute I am sitting in front of CNN praying that the President will not be sending troops, with a box of Kleenex in one hand, and my Bible in the other. It is an awful feeling. I felt nauseous, antsy, and like someone had kicked me in the gut the entire time I was watching it. Then a thought came to me. If I was scared, what must an 18 year old soldier be going through. I quickly texted him to see what he was doing. He told me he was in his room. When I asked him why he wasn't watching the news, his answer made me so proud and so sad at the same time. He said, "Either way, I'll do what I got to do." My son is not a little boy anymore, he is a man. Not just any man. He is an American Soldier, who has devoted his life and well being to this country and the people in it. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was one of the proudest yet saddest moments I think I have experienced through all this. Yes, more then graduation and all that. This was the moment it had all come full circle for me. The moment that I realized what all the training, tears, sweat, and nights spent worrying were for. It was also a reminder, that whether or not our troops are sent, they need and deserve our gratitude and support. It is so easy to voice opinions and spout off, when you have no personal connection to it. Do I want my son to go? Heck no!!! I saw what those biochemical did to those poor people. It was awful. Images I can't erase from my mind. I don't want one of those people to be my son. However, I accept that this is what he chose to do with his life. I respect that, and made a promise. I promised that I would support him and be the best darn Army mom I could be. This is what an Army mom does. It kills me deep inside. It truly does. If something does happen to him, it isn't like it was due to a long illness or even a freak accident. It is because someone who hates him (and those like him) intentionally set out to harm him for what he believes in and stands up for. Not a feeling I wish for anyone. I may not agree with the politics. But I love and support my son and those like him. That is what matters. On behalf of Military families everywhere, I ask that you do the same. Their job is to follow out orders. We ask that you support them, even if you don't agree with the politics. They are doing what they have been trained to do. They do it honorably, willingly, and with much pride. Much love and many blessings!!!
You know I was starting to actually get used to all of this. At least, I thought I was. Then all of a sudden, Syria happened. Unfortunately, my feelings of contentment were replaced with that of fear, worry, and sadness. One minute everything is fine, the next minute I am sitting in front of CNN praying that the President will not be sending troops, with a box of Kleenex in one hand, and my Bible in the other. It is an awful feeling. I felt nauseous, antsy, and like someone had kicked me in the gut the entire time I was watching it. Then a thought came to me. If I was scared, what must an 18 year old soldier be going through. I quickly texted him to see what he was doing. He told me he was in his room. When I asked him why he wasn't watching the news, his answer made me so proud and so sad at the same time. He said, "Either way, I'll do what I got to do." My son is not a little boy anymore, he is a man. Not just any man. He is an American Soldier, who has devoted his life and well being to this country and the people in it. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was one of the proudest yet saddest moments I think I have experienced through all this. Yes, more then graduation and all that. This was the moment it had all come full circle for me. The moment that I realized what all the training, tears, sweat, and nights spent worrying were for. It was also a reminder, that whether or not our troops are sent, they need and deserve our gratitude and support. It is so easy to voice opinions and spout off, when you have no personal connection to it. Do I want my son to go? Heck no!!! I saw what those biochemical did to those poor people. It was awful. Images I can't erase from my mind. I don't want one of those people to be my son. However, I accept that this is what he chose to do with his life. I respect that, and made a promise. I promised that I would support him and be the best darn Army mom I could be. This is what an Army mom does. It kills me deep inside. It truly does. If something does happen to him, it isn't like it was due to a long illness or even a freak accident. It is because someone who hates him (and those like him) intentionally set out to harm him for what he believes in and stands up for. Not a feeling I wish for anyone. I may not agree with the politics. But I love and support my son and those like him. That is what matters. On behalf of Military families everywhere, I ask that you do the same. Their job is to follow out orders. We ask that you support them, even if you don't agree with the politics. They are doing what they have been trained to do. They do it honorably, willingly, and with much pride. Much love and many blessings!!!
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