Through this process, I have managed to be as positive as possible. A couple of weeks ago it starting getting harder. Then that phone call came last week. It was just what I needed to keep my spirits up. The prospect of another phone call this Sunday had me sailing through the week. I was so excited. One letter last week was all that we received. But I had convinced myself that we would hear Dustin's voice today. So, one letter was okay. I had managed to write Dustin three letters last week and mentioned for him to remind his friends to write home. I told him...All they have to do is write two sentences. "I am doing okay. I love you." Something that simple would bring the spirits of an Army Mom up. Then, as I sat here reading my News feed on Face book, there it was. The words tore through my heart like a bolt of lightening. I think I actually read it ten times before I could actually say it out loud. "There will be no phone call today." Yup! No matter how many times you read it, it feels the same over and over again. To be honest, I had no words to describe what I was feeling at that moment. Disappointment, frustration, anger. Not any one word seemed appropriate. The tears started coming. My husband, always the constant rock, held me and just let them come. Let's be honest. I knew that this was a possibility. Dustin, as stated before, had expressed thoughts and frustration at some of the lack of discipline being displayed by some of the other soldiers. I just wasn't quite prepared for the effect it would have on me. One of the first questions to cross your mind is "Who screwed up?" However, I got to thinking about it. Does it matter? Yes, it is frustrating that there are those that seem to take this process a little less serious then others. But in the long run, they are a "Team". If one fails...they all fail. It is very, very hard to admit this to yourself. Especially, when you have a child that seems to be doing so well with everything else. Then, has to pay the price for someone else's mistakes. But the truth of the matter is that this is what BCT is all about. Better they learn this now, then the hard way. Does it tear my heart to shreds? Most definitely!!! Like you will never know. So, I sit and I write, yet, another letter. I encourage my son to be a leader in his behavior and to be encouraging to all the other soldiers. Because someday, one of them may mean the difference between my son coming home and my son never coming home again. It is harsh and not pretty. But it is the reality that we Military families and our soldiers face. So, I pick up my head and hold it high. I carry on knowing that he is learning very valuable lessons. I also carry on for the wonderful family I have at home. If I am down...they are down. If I am positive...they are positive.
A very bad week has taught me so much. I had only planned on sending cards to a few names on the list of soldiers that I had. However, by the time I was through, I had made it through the whole list. Others have followed the same example and I can not tell you how much this means to me. Some might think it is crazy to send things to complete strangers. What will people think? What do I say? the point is...does it matter? Really, we make fools of ourselves on a daily basis and don't think anything about it. Yelling our heads off at sporting games or rushing to get through a line in the store. Yet, when it comes to our kids we all of a sudden worry about what people will think. I am just as guilty. The question should be more... how far are you willing to go? How much of a fool are you willing to be to show men and women who have chosen to put their lives on the line for our freedoms? How far are you willing to go for your child? Are you willing to step outside of yourself to encourage the person who may, someday, hold your child's life in the palm of their hands? It is a big question. It is a tough question. It is an important question. I come to know these women a little more everyday. I am both blessed and amazed at the generosity and support. It is the hardest thing in the world to know that your child is willing to give so much. All the while, in the back of our minds, we know it could cost us them. This is our life. this is why every phone call is so important. When you only have a 7 minute phone call, you say what really matters. You hang onto every second like it was a precious treasure you had just been entrusted with. It is why we race to the mailbox every blasted day of the week. It is why we sit and write 40 plus cards out, no matter how much it hurts, to complete strangers. It is not for us. It is for our children and loved ones. We never want to have to face the day we regretted that we didn't do it. We never want to have to say "I should have done..." or "I should have said...". We are truly grateful for all they do. Trust me...no one is any more grateful then they are. Much love and many blessings!!!!
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